Why so much anti-family preservation?

Question

not EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. in the child's family is a drug user, abusive or poor. so why are so many against family preservation?

Answer 1

one thing you have to realize is that no one can be FORCED to raise a child they do not want to.. if they WERE forced, chances are the child's life wouldn't be that great..

the thing is, keeping the child "in the family" is a good idea many times.. but sometimes the child's bio mother/parents are SO messed up that ANY contact with the child is harmful for the child.. if the child is "with family" they can never really get "the messed up parents" out of their lives completely.. sometimes this needs to happen!! (but maybe not often.)

I suppose all of you anti-adoption are going to try to twist my words and assume I'm talking about ALL bio parents, or even most, or whatever.. I'm NOT.. I'm simply giving an example of where having the bparents out of the child's life may be best for the child.. and this is not as easy to do if the child is living with the bparent family..

I really wish all you adoptees could read a book called "miracle from the streets" by Cheri Peters. It's about a girl passed from family member to family member because her mom didn't want her.. It's her autobiography of her simply AWFUL life.. I think adoptees should read this book just to see that YES, it IS possible for a child to have an awful life with bfamily.. to see that it's not only adoptees that can have awful lives.. The book might help some people look at the other side of the coin, what it's like to have it hanging over your head, to be practically told (in so many words) that you are not wanted.. to see that living with bio parents doesn't make everything "A O-kay"

I wish you could read the book and then ask yourself what if the woman could have been raised by a stable, loving family, even if they weren't biologically related.

Answer 2

I'm not against family preservation.  I simply dislike the sweeping judgment that people make against families choosing to place for adoption.  Don't you think they may have considered that option as well?  Stop making broad condemnations on unique situations.  Every family needs to make whatever choice is right for /them/.

Answer 3

what is the word preservation meaning

Answer 4

Have you every stopped to think that that bio mother might just simply NOT WANT to keep her child? It sounds harsh but its reality.

People seem to assume that a bio mother must have had something wrong, when I have spoke to bio mothers who simply didnt have the mental structure to raise a child, and thaught it was going to be better off with a family who had time and love. Is that so hard for you to understand?

I am not anti preservation, I just think people need to open their eyes and realise that its not as simple as keeping families together.

There is alsorts of reasons why its not best in the situation. You and everyone else are not superman, so dont try and change things that will never be changed.

I wish that those kids in russia, didnt get slung into homes and left to die, but unless I have millions of pounds, then I cant help them. All I can do is prey for them.

Answer 5

I am not agaisnt family preservation  i know many in the field are.  In my area  at least in foster care family is considered first.  They look at the hole family but many times they don't have the space and beilieve it or not many don't want to take the kids.  Manily because the birth parent  has been excumminicated from the family for what ever reason.

As in the case of birth mothers giving up the child from birth many don't want their family to raise the child.  They don't want to run into the child later and have to explain why aunt x is rasing you and not me.  They do regert it later though

Answer 6

Because sometimes it feels like it goes too far.   Some people feel it is better for their child to let another family raise him/her.  That is their choice and it should be respected.

Answer 7

I am not against family preservation. I just happen to believe that adoptees and AP's are family. I don't think a family is defined as "those having the same DNA as me."

Answer 8

i'm sure that is taken into account, but sometimes the family is corrupt into thinking drug use/abuse/poverty is the normal. Adoption atleast give them a new POV on life

Answer 9

I am not against it.  I am a happy person who was adopted as an infant.  By people who are not biologically related to me.   If possible and the biological family member can pass the same criteria as all adoptive parents then sure.  But I don't think it should be a forced thing and nonbiological parents used as a last resort.  

EVERY SINGLE PERSON is not happy just because they are being raised by biological relation.

Answer 10

Because the corrupt adoption industry is a multi-billion dollar machine that has brainwashed much of society. Also, too many people are wrapped up in their own little worlds to give much thought or care to the plight of others.

Answer 11

I wouldn't say I'm against family preservation, but I definitely know it's not for everyone.  The other questions about this earlier helped explain why very well- not all biological families are cut out to take in a baby.  I can't remember who, but I readily agreed with whoever said something like, "Sometimes the birthmother wasn't brought up the best- so why would you make the grandbaby be raised in that situation- some birthmothers want better for their babies than they had for themselves".   But the bottom line to me is that as a birthmom- I did not want to be a parent when I got pregnant.  I was on two kinds of birth control and was engaged, so call me a w***e or any of the other names I've seen called on this forum, but to me, I was in a committed relationship and taking precautions- obviously $hit still happens.  

I did not want to be a parent.  Period.  When my ex found out I was pregnant, he gave me a blank check for an abortion.  That pretty much told me I never, ever, ever wanted to see him again.  Why would I want to keep his baby?  Of course what was going on was not her fault in any way, but I knew I would keep it in my mind.  I knew I would see him and think of him every time I was with her.  So why would I want someone else in my family take her?  It was not their responsibility!  I also know there are so many people out there who cannot conceive.  So to me it was a win-win situation that someone else take her into their family.  Through giving them my baby, I helped make them a family.  I don't know why someone would suggest anything else.

Also, trying to think of this from the other side- if my cousin or sister or someone related to me asked me to take their child in the name of family preservation, I admit I'd be a bit hesitant.  If I were to adopt, I would want to raise the child my way.  I would not want the birthmother, family member or not, to try to tell me how to raise him/her.  I think that this would be especially difficult to carry out in a "family" adoption.  Even an open adoption (vs. closed) with non family members would be much smoother.