Why the Anti-Adoption Label?

Question

Hands up who's anti-adoption? Personally I'm not.

I am anti unethical adoption practises though and I hope adoptive parents are too.

Denying responsibility for the atrocious things that go on in adoption, or, even worse, turning a blind eye to them just won't wash. Blaming the agencies just doesn't cut it because who keeps those agencies running and in business?

Why does anyone who sees unethical adoption practises as wrong get labelled with as being 'anti-adoption'

I care about adoptees, big and little, and that's why I speak up.

I'm sorry if you disagree or if it bursts your rosey colored adoption bubble

How can anyone be happy and at peace with the adoption system as it stands? or with sealed records laws still on the books?

Please stop attempting to pathologize, dismiss and invalidate adoptees because you know what? there's a new generation coming up and I think they are going to have something to say

Answer 1

I'm shocked that there are people AGAINST adoption!  Are they also against abortion?  Most likely.  So what is the other option?  Raising a baby they don't want?!?  That makes LOTS of sense.

What self-centered, close-minded, idiots!

Answer 2

I think that when your words seem to assume that all adoptive parents endorse coersive/unethical adoption practices and that adoptive parents do nothing to acknowledge or deal with their child's adoption related needs it comes off as anti-adoption.  More specifically, anti-adoptive parent, which is anti-adoption because if all adoptive parents are bad, adoption is never okay.

Answer 3

LovesthePonies, I think it is important to keep in mind that even "a family who wants desperately to have a child to love and raise" can abuse children - just as easily (if not more, because the children are not their own) as any bio family.  

It actually depends more on how those parents were treated as children.  If they have buried negative experiences, they will not get them treated and will perpetuate those negative things with the children they adopt - a double-whammy for children who have already suffered the loss of their families.

If you were fortunate enough not to have the bad luck of getting psychologically damaged adoptive parents, I am HAPPY for you.  I sincerely am.  But... since adoption agencies (except a small handful) do NOT test for psychological problems and since most people in this country have suffered some parental abuse (and so it is sadly accepted), we are ALL in danger.

Aside from the need for psychological testing of potential adoptive parents, this country is in need of a LOT more than that if we want to raise emotionally healthy children.  ALL of us need to stop burying our heads in the sand with regard to parental abuse, change the abuse-perpetuating meaning of "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother," wake up and smell the coffee.

Despite some people's opinions of what UNICEF is doing/not doing, we should all stop stock-still and not only read but take to heart their Convention on the Rights of the Child.  As a child advocate and long-time researcher on child development and trauma, I am confident in saying that ANYONE who has a problem with even one point in the Convention has a problem which could potentially hurt a child in their care.

Answer 4

I think the anti adoption label comes from

a) when an adoptee states that she had a happy childhood and has no issues to resolve as far as she is concerned and therefore gets 10 thumbs down

b) when adoptees state that they are happy and then are told they are shallow, pathological, or in denial. All the while those on the other side of the fence are screaming that no one is listening to them and that their experience is being denied/invalidated. Goose/gander anyone?

c) when a person who speaks up in favor in adoption has any typos crammed down their throats as if this makes them less of a person, but some who are "anti adoption zealots" write as if they haven't got past the 2nd grade without any comment from you all whatsoever.

d) When "questions" are posed just so the gang can answer in their multiple personalities and make it seem as if all adoptive parents are ripping infants right from the very wombs of unwilling, duped birth mothers in a selfish way without regard ever to the feelings of the children they adopt.

e) when someone accuses everyone unfairly of pathologizing, dismissing, and invalidating adoptees because most of us who are on this forum are birth parents, adoptees, adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, or some combination of these. We either ARE adoptees, LOVE adoptees, or want to. If you want to help us in this endeavor, then you are not going about it in the right way as far as I am concerned.

By the way, I am an adoptive mother but I am not infertile and I did not adopt the perfect white baby. I also have worked many, many years with troubled teens many of whom became pregnant. I counseled them about their options which included adoption, abortion, or keeping the child as was my professional obligation. Most kept the child as their choice. Draw your own conclusions.

I would love to learn from your experience but your denial of the rights of others to have theirs makes it darn difficult. Plus, you DID ask the question. I'm pretty sure I'm answering it. How have I tried to shut you up? I'm pretty sure that the opposite is true however.

So now I'm confused. Are you anti-adoption or not? It sounds like you don't like adoption-you weren't happy.

Answer 5

I'm with you, Heather.  I'm in favor of reform and putting the children's needs ahead of the adults' wants.  Adoption is not supposed to be about fixing infertility, or anything else.  It's supposed to be about taking care of a child.  

Treating a child like a commodity to be bought and sold...

Treating a child like a gift that should be grateful to have lost its past...

Treating a child like a danger to its birth mother and sealing its birth records...

None of this takes care of the child.  

It is not my goal on this site to put down anyone.  It is my goal to get people who believe adoption a simple transaction to realize the complexity of what happens to an adoptee.  Only when enough people acknowledge the harms can they be fixed.

Answer 6

Nope, I'm not anti-adoption either.

I am pro-reform (and pro family preservation when there is no abuse or neglect involved).

Answer 7

I'm not anti-adoption either.  I only want all adoptions to be as ethical as mine was.  I was not purchased.  I was not stolen.  But I know these things happen, and I hate them.

I realize we live in a society where poeple want what they want when they want it.  I just don't understand how that can apply to human beings as well as things.  I'm thinking of that couple who took the Bennett baby and ran, even though they know they have no legal right to her.  How do some people sleep at night?

Answer 8

Why the Anti-Adoption Label?

It's easier for people to apply the "anti" prefix to anything they don't like and then to demonize people who don't believe as they do. It's basically a cop-out. If you slap a label on someone then you don't have to listen to what they say, or to anyone else whose ideas you disagree with. For some, it is more convenient to label people instead of listening and learning because if they learn something than they might have to admit that they were wrong. And a lot of people can't admit they are wrong.

I'm not against adoption for foster children.

Answer 9

I'm raising my hand.

I'm not interested in adoption reform, I'd like adoption to be illegal.

(Open records is not adoption reform, it is about civil rights).

I think it should be illegal for a woman to abandon her child.

I promote abortion. I support "free" abortions and sterilizations for all.

Answer 10

It's desperately sad that adoption all comes down to money these days. But I have a personal agenda too: I'd love to adopt, but don't have a spare $20,000. That said, people need to be treated as human beings, not products. Sealed records are unethical, and I personally think it's a vile practice to adopt a child who still has a living parent (hello, Madonna.) I'm looking at giving my love to foster children instead.