Why the negative view on adoption?

Question

I would think adoption is a better choice than abortion for unewed women who may be facing poverty, abuse, and for child not to have a mother and a father. I don't understand the negative view, I know they really screen couples who are adopting, are the homes they go into THAT bad?

Answer 1

Hi Shan,

First, abortion is deciding to have a baby or not.  Adoption is deciding to parent or not.  The two are not related.

Second, even today many women are still coerced out of their children.  It maybe more subtle but suggesting that a wealthy two parent home is better for the child then her/his own mother is awful and not true.

Third, a child and mother experience loss.  They are separated.  Separating mother and child should be a last resort.  Make no mistake, adoption is about separating mother and child.

Fourth, adoption agencies make big profits off adoption.  Whenever $$ is the motivator the child's best interests take a second seat.

Fifth, adoptees are the only citizens who are denied their original birth certificates.  Their identities are a secret.

Sixth, the screening process for adoptive parents is not strict enough.  There are way too many horror stories of abused, neglected and/or murdered adopted children by their adoptive parents.  I can not begin to understand this but it happens.

Seventh, the myth that a single mother will always live in poverty and she is just not good enough to parent.  Children don't want fancy toys, they want their mommy.  Even America's poor are not starving to death.  Single mom's can be great parents.  Single parents can go on to college and become success stories too.  Who can guess whether an adoptive two parent home would really be better than the child's mother?

Those are just some of the issues in adoption.  Adoption can be necessary and it can be positive if done correctly (foster children).  More often tho, it is not.  You see, the practices in adoption currently are very negative.  I hope i helped answer your question.

Answer 2

Firstly, adoption and abortion are two different topics.  Abortion is the decision to not carry to term.  Relinquishment to adoption is based on the decision to not parent.  This decision can only truly be made after the birth.  Obviously the decision to abort is a pre-birth decision.

Secondly, despite screening, adoptive parents are human.  Some are good, some are just okay, and some are bad.  There are some abusive adoptive parents just like there are some abusive bio parents.  Some children have even died at the hands of their adoptive parents.  

Adoption is also not possible without loss occurring first.  The adopted person has lost his or her entire first family -- the family into which he or she was born.  A good adoptive family may ease the blow, but it cannot erase the fact.

Adopted citizens are the only citizens in 44 states who are barred from freely receiving their very own records of birth.  Interestingly, if a person is relinquished for adoption, that right is NOT taken from him or her.  People given up for adoption by their first parents, but who are not adopted, have the very same right to access their factual birth records as any non-adopted citizen.  It is ONLY if an adoption finalizes that this right is taken from the person.  If the adoption fails, the record unseals and the person again has the right to access it.   This unequal treatment under the law is discrimination against people based solely on their status as adopted persons.  This discrimination obviously has nothing to do with whether or not the person grew up in a good adoptive home or not.  It is an issue between the adopted citizen and the state holding the person's record of birth.

Answer 3

negative views come from negative happenings.

It's not about how good a home is. There's always a "better" home, that doesn't take away the loss of a parents or child.

Answer 4

Why should unwed mothers be looked at as breeders for infertile couples who delayed parenthood so they could indulge themselves in their selfish material needs?

They do not really screen homes.  They only check boxes and assure that the family has enough money to fork over big bucks to brokers to buy a baby.  Children are adopted into abusive homes every day.

Children of poor people have mothers and fathers.  Where did you get the idea that they are orphans?

So you think that adoption is better than abortion for unwed women?  Should they also have their heads shaved and be sterilized so they are adequately punished for being fertile?  Oh, wait not sterilization - then they will not be able to breed for the adoption marketplace.  What WAS I thinking?

pfft - you carry a baby for 9 months and then give it away.  Then come back and preach about what "unwed women" should do with their bodies.

Answer 5

I was adopted at 2 days old, and I had an amazing childhood and am having a great teenage life. There are going to be horror stories about adoptions, just as there are about biological births.  Children adopted through a private adoption are put in home specifically chosen by the biological parent or the lawyer, and children adopted from othercountries are only adopted by families who have gone through lots of checks and paperwork, and they will not be given to someone incapable of raisinga child properly. There shouldn't be a negative view on adoption, it is what I know saved my life and many other people that were in the same situation as I was when I was born to someone who couldn't keep me.

Answer 6

Have you been aborted? Do you know what it feels like? I mean, if you are using abortion in comparison to adoption you must look at the "result" right? And since we don't really know what happens post-abortion we can't really compare the two... (that is what happens to the fetus or baby post-abortion, since we can talk with women post-abortion...)

But coming from the adoption perspective...it has nothing to do with the home being THAT bad. A bad adoptive home will only add salt into an already gaping wound. A good adoptive home full of love can be a great thing, but it still doesn't take away the fact that you were abandoned...does that make sense?

Answer 7

You haven't been adopted, placed a child for adoption, or adopted a child, have you?  It has the potential to cause all sorts of pain, denial, and feelings of inadequacy.  Adoption is not the happily-ending, perfect solution everyone should choose for their unplanned pregnancy.

Answer 8

i dont think adoption and abortion are very much related.

in general:women who have put their baby up for adoption wouldnt have had an abortion . Women who had an abortion did so because they wouldnt put their baby up for adoption.

i dont know why everyone beleives that adoption saves babies from abortion.

Answer 9

The only negative I can think of with adoption is that I know several adoptees who had serious psychological issues, PERHAPS related to "not being wanted."  This, however, is not universal with all adoptees, and can be addressed through therapy.

As for adoption versus abortion, I believe that, at least for the unborn baby, adoption is always better (of course!)  But many people consider their own convenience more important than whether or not the life within them gets to be born.  And no, I'm not some raving lunatic--just a person who thinks abortion is morally wrong.

I would like to ask why more people do not consider adoption as an alternative to single parenthood.  Something is wrong with a country that considers it perfectly okay to flush away unborn children, but attaches a stigma to "giving away" a baby.  The facts are, as you point out, that single parenthood is quite often bad for the child.  Adoption gives children a chance to have a normal life with two parents and without many of the concerns faced by single parents.  

It would be nice if more people would consider all of this before taking the chance of getting pregnant.

Answer 10

So I shouldn't feel angry that I was separated from my mother?

Btw: I think adoption is a good thing in most cases. It's the relinquishment aspect that's horrible.

Answer 11

I personally think adoption is a wonderful thing.  I have friends who were adopted and other friends who have adopted.  Most people I know view adoption as a wonderful thing.  

However, in some countries, mothers are strongly encouraged to give their babies up for adoption.  Some would call it coerced.  They don't do it willingly.  That is why the US isn't doing adoptions in Vietnam anymore.  The Vietnam government said that the mothers were giving up their children willingly, but there wasn't proof and a high number of babies were abandoned, which led to speculation that the babies were being sold.

Answer 12

I lost my mother.

My identity is a secret.

Would you say the same things to a person who'd lost their mother in childbirth.  You clearly don't understand and probably never will.

My adoptive home was the best and I do wish people would stop assuming that because I felt and grieve the loss of my mother that somehow my adoptive parents did something wrong.  It's ludicrous.

'unwed' LOL are we living in the 1950s!

ETA:  to counter superque's anti-single parent and anti-natural family stance - only 16% of adoptees are raised in two-parent families and single parenthood is just as rife in adoptive families as anywhere else.  There are some wonderful single parents out there too.