Why the obsession with men or women being "needed"?

Question

There are several recent questions about whether women "need" men or men "need women.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmsUwl34WrLtoX459.wfEqoYxgt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080820105422AAkBvdq

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoJnhpfnujuG87vjyogg3F0Yxgt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080820102719AAjcKHN

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqRAYHJwwTxYO.CN0feNh4gYxgt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080820105221AAF8leO

This is also a long-standing argument about the need we have to feel needed.

In reality women and men need each other to reproduce, but that's about the end of it. Yet our obsession with "need" continues. The fact is that we often resent those we think we need and in our perceived need we hold unrealistic expectations of those we need. In other words, need creates resentment.

Being wanted on the other hand, means so much more. It may be a less secure position, but it's less fraught with resentment and expectation, with co dependence. It's more genuine.

Why would anyone want to feel needed instead of wanted?

Answer 1

I think you're wrong when you say that men and women only need each  other to reproduce.  Humans have become the dominant species on the planet because the have managed to figure out a way to have really extended childhoods.  The only way that is possible is for there to be an extremely strong "need" between mother and child.  The child is born with the "need gene" and the mother has the "caregiving gene" or else, humans never would have made it this far.  Since we are all endowed with that need gene, it stays with us and finds outlets throughout our lifespan.  Another reason humans have survived is because they are extremely social and band together to defeat predators.  Once again, that strong "need gene" delivers the goods to survive.  We can't deny our affiliative needs as humans.  The needs that go on between men and women are merely another expression of the same thing.

Answer 2

Men and women do need each other.

Answer 3

Well they both need each other for procreation and for society. But I think men want women more than women want men or nature made it so. So in essence, women are more important and everything to men than men are to women. The reason I say this is not just because of the utter physical admiration men have for women's bodies generally, as much as women like men's bodies you don't hear them see men's bodies as a work of art, but a decent amount that are supposedly straight actually find women's bodies more attractive and since it seems a much greater portion and probably most of women have bisexual tendencies compared to men, whom men seem more polar in their sexual attractions, as women are everything to men, so a negation to the opposite (men). So in a way, this kind of shows how nature made women everything to men, and while men are a lot to women, they aren't everything to women or not to near the extent for men.

Answer 4

I think the idea of those questions is to say that the opposite gender is insignificant, which is so untrue.

I find that, when people ask questions like that, they already know what kind of response they're looking for, and they just want others to back them up.  It's pretty lame, really.

Answer 5

In biological terms we only need each other once to produce off spring. But if we want physiology healthy adults, then the child(ren) must have both parents. And because of that need, men and women need each other so that they will produce productive adults that will fit into society. ♥ ∞

Answer 6

I asked after Bryan got accused of all sorts of things when people got offended by his question.  While I was somewhat interested in the answers to my question, I really asked to see how people would respond to me more than anything.  I wanted to see if all these women who got offended at the thought that men don't need women would do so on my question too.

I still don't see why Bryan's question was offensive if mine and the other one weren't, but I guess it's the different people who answered them.

Answer 7

When your sense of purpose is tied to your ideas of gender roles, it makes perfect sense why you would hold so much stock in being "needed".

If your sense of prupose isn't, then you'd probably prefer being "wanted"

To each their own

Answer 8

Interesting question. I agree with the answers above me, and I would like to add.

IF we look at the human race for what we are: another species of animals, we have to acknowledge that we work together for survival as a pack. This is in our genes. Pack animals. have the need to be accepted into the tribe/pack for survival/protection.

Of course technology has influenced the way we relate to each other, as the need to be part of the "pack" for protection in today's world is much less than in the past. Nevertheless, there is a big instinct about bonding..if it is not with your family or your real life community, we will bond in other ways, for example through groups in the Internet.  Even the most isolated of humans needs to bond in a certain way to a group or a friend. We are social creatures,  and therefore it is important for us at a basic level to be accepted and needed. We are always checking our position in our tribe: how strong/intelligent we are and how important we are to others. Even the most lonely profession, like a writer or a painter, need the pack to promote their work.

With this need of acceptance, comes the need to be loved, cared for, cheered for. It is our bonding with the tribe.

For anyone that has more than one dog, or cat at home, can see how important is for them to be caressed, cared, yes loved.

People can say "I don't need anyone", well centuries of evolution will not erase that factor. Perhaps that person can say "I don't want to interact", ok, perhaps that person can achieve this, go to the mountains and live absolutely alone. Through history, we have seen how crazy these individuals become, or perhaps because they were crazy they went to the mountains as solitary wolves (?)

Babies are so vulnerable, they need their mother. It is there where we learn about bonding/needing, wanted to be liked, accepted, loved. We have that need, and when it comes to the interaction between the sexes is no different! Years of evolution!

Answer 9

We're built with this psychological "need" so we'll reproduce.  Needing to feel "needed" or "wanted" are also mechanisms to ensure that we establish social alliances so as to care for our offspring.  

Humans are only emotional, because of emotions' functional purpose.  As well as the need for any kind of social tie as well.  Individually, we tend to have a hard time getting resources from our own environment - so those who happen to feel lonely when they don't have any friends or lovers were usually more likely to survive than those who didn't.

Since, evolution (or whatever you want to call it), doesn't respond to the current environment immediately (rather over the generations), our "needs" don't readily adapt to what's logically beneficial to our current environment.