Why this kind of attitude is so common in NZ?

Question

When you are new in a group, people get close to you untill they get to know you well particularly your weak points and then use those weak points later to keep you under control.

Answer 1

lol

Answer 2

Sounds like you moved from a different country to NZ and coincidently moved at a particular time when things were also changing in you own life eg becoming a teenager/after losing a loved one/ etc.

Of course when you move to a new country, the accents are different, the weather is different, buildings, etc but people are generally people irregardless of where abouts they are from, you will always come across horrible people, lovely people and 'in between' people. I reckon you have just met a bunch of terrible people at the wrong time, believe me there are lots of nice people out there waiting to genuinely befriend you. Not all New Zealanders are like that. You will meet very nice people, just take it easy!

Answer 3

Hi Snow R,

I've lived in NZ for several years, and I was unaware of this phenomenon!

I just joined two new clubs this year, and became a new volunteer in a group,

but I have never had anything like that happen to me.

Believe me, I have plenty of 'weak points' -

including bad habits, character flaws, and an irritating North American accent -

yet no one is controlling me,

no one tries any kind of emotional blackmail

or otherwise attempts to keep me under control.

Neither am I controlling anyone else.

Maybe I am just too far gone and no one can be bothered?

I'm not trying to be mean, this is just my POV.

So, with no malice intended, let me ask you this:

Why would you allow someone to make you feel bad about yourself?

They can speak the words but only YOU can control how you react (or fail to react).

Do you value being accepted as part of the group more than you respect yourself?

Sounds like you need to develop a bit more of a backbone,

as far as letting other people have their way with you.  

Oh, and like already suggested, be more selective of the people you hang out with, too.

Unfortunately Snow R, this is NOT a attitude so common in NZ.  

This situation happens EVERYWHERE -

in every country, wherever people are thrown together in groups.

I think it's just the 'pack' mentality the animalistic side of humans ~~

think of wolf packs and other animal societies~~

big and strong bully the smaller, weaker ones.

Ever heard of "pecking order?"

Good luck and I hope you get into some groups of nicer people......

BTW, I thought you had left NZ ?

Answer 4

This attitude will occur in groups of teenagers the world over.

If it is causing you a problem, you are with the wrong group.

Answer 5

I would like to put back to you:

Why do you say this kind of attitude is so common in NZ?

Have you lived in lost of other countries and not found it in them?

How old are you?

How are these people keeping you under control?

Answer 6

I was born and breed in NZ and have never heard anything like this.  Sounds like you are just hanging around the wrong crowd, and need to learn to stick up for yourself.  Us kiwis are a pretty proud independent people, so your statement really doesn't gel well with me.

Answer 7

Goodness!! what circles are you mixing in? I have never come across this.

Answer 8

lol im and English chick living in New Zealand married to a new Zealander

all different people have a different kind of attitude know matter where you live

so umm yeah.....

Answer 9

yea i think you may be generalising that it is only an occurence in NZ, its obviously your own circumstances, nothing to do with the country you live in...

Answer 10

I've never heard of that.

Answer 11

I live near a small town in NZ, and you've correctly described the behaviour of small-town NZers.  But I suspect that small town people are like that everywhere.  They certainly are in Australia.  Small provincial places tend to harbour the dregs of the human race.  Anybody with any guts, enterprise, curiosity or intelligence wants to get away from their relatives and school colleagues and see the world.