Why when I get what I want from my husband I feel it's too late?

Question

He finally is growing up, helping around the house, taking this marriage seriously, helps with the kids more, why am I unhappier than ever, now that I was ready to leave and he changed.

(He has been changed for the past week only, of our 2 year marriage)

Answer 1

Because you are angry, and rightfully so, that he ignored all your frustration all this time, and only did something about it when his back was against the wall. It shows a lot of selfishness on his part.

However, if he keeps doing this stuff, and it's not just a one week thing, i'd stick around and try to make it work since you have children. of course, if you are disgusted beyond repair with him, then it's always best to get out.

I wish you luck whatever you do!

Answer 2

well for one a week is nothing. time tells all

since youve been unhappy for a while, you already start to change your mind set.  i think sometimes someone shapes up due to threats, not because they had truly wanted to. takes some of the shine off it.

however, just day by day. look at the good things hes trying to do. see if he keeps up. dont condemn if he slips as long as he picks back up.  the resentment will start to give way to peace again.

Answer 3

Just let him know how pleased you are with him. Praise him, don't manipulate him. If you love him, hang in there. If you are still having doubts, don't start dating other men until you are Divorced and make a clean break.

Answer 4

give him time to make sure the change is permanent. Some men are really dense and you have to resort to dramatic measures to get their attention--sounds like he's one of them.

as to why you're unhappier even though it seems he's made the change:  maybe you like being a martyr and now that he's making an effort to be more of what you claim you want you don't have anything to complain about.  

(you'd be surprised how often this happens.  In a more dramatic example:  a woman will be married to an alcoholic or drug abuser for years and complain about it but stay then when he finally gets the help he needs and he's making changes that she wanted, she sabotages his progress to make sure he stays addicted and then if he manages to get clean any way she finally leaves him because what she really needed was a broken partner so that she looked competent or had sympathy)

OR

maybe the real problem isn't that he wasn't grown up and taking marriage seriously.  Maybe that was just your excuse for why you were unhappy and there is something else about you or your relationship with him that you need to face but have been avoiding.

Is there something about your life you've not been able to do because you've been blaming your marriage for it?  Is he just not the person you really want to be with?  Have you realized that marrying him was a mistake and you were just looking for an excuse to leave?  

I don't know how long the two of you were together before you got married but you haven't been married very long and there is always a settling in period in the first few years.

You can afford to give him some more time to see if he's really changed.  In the meantime, explore your own feelings about your life and marriage and where you want to be and what your plans and goals are before you make any rash decisions about ending your marriage.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

i really can't understand why men do that because my husband has been acting strange also.  he has began to open up to me more about certain things. and we have been married for 3 1/2 years.  and i have known him for 16 years.  its strange.  and i was on the verge of leaving him also.

Answer 6

no offense, but it could be b/c you are use to playing the victim. Now that your situation has changed and your role as "the victim" no longer applies, you are having difficulty understanding your role in the r/ship.

I think the best thing for you to do is just enjoy life and stop trying to play for position, if you know what I am saying. Have more fun with your spouse and build a life now that you guys are partners.  

Answer 7

You have lost faith in him and are unconsciously afraid that he will slip back into his old ways. Follow your intuition.

Answer 8

Once you have lost that love for someone it's hard to get back.  The fact that you resolved to leave the marriage, and he's taking away your reasons, leaves you feeling frustrated.  You don't want to be the bad guy but you feel as though the marriage, to someone you no longer love, is a jail and his bad behaviour was the key to the cell.  If you are still resolved to leave, than let him know how you feel; however, if you would like the chance to get back to where you once were, in love, try getting therapy now while he is being helpful.

Answer 9

Because you women are never happy.  Oh no.. poor you.. your husband is exactly the way you want him!

You might as well just throw in the towel if youre going to have that attitude about him.

Answer 10

look he will just go back to his old ways and youll be upset with him im sorry but most likely it won't work out i would leave/divorce

Answer 11

Did you think marriage was going to be on going honeymoon? You have great days and terrible days. It's only been 2 years and when he decides to change you're thinking about throwing the towel in. Leaving is easy to do and it is also failure. Staying and fighting to maintain a healthy marriage is hard and worth it in the long run.

Answer 12

Because he is not the person you really wanted. You suffer from the "wanting" syndrome. You think that people or things will fill your void. When they give you what you think you want you just want more or something else. Figure out how to make yourself happy without looking to another person and you can be satisfied.

Try reading "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle or "you can heal your life" by Louise Hay

Answer 13

Honey, give him a month and he will be back to his old ways.

It is too late because people DON'T change.

Please do not have any more children if you already feel this way with him.

Answer 14

Did you mention to him that you want it divorce if you did that's your answer. If you love him give him one more chance and see if he is going to change for good or just a month or a few days. But if you do not love him move on with your life.

Good Luck!

Answer 15

Let it go. Allow yourself to let go of your past animosity about the mishaps in your relationship. There are not a lot of people out there that finally wake up and smell the coffee. Be thankful that he did. Try going on a vacation with him and getting that romance back. Look at him really hard tonight and see all the good he is doing and do your best to appreciate that.  

Answer 16

-only a week - give it more time, he'll be back to his routine habits real quick. If your ready to leave then go now, don't wait until 20yrs.  

Answer 17

You probably just resent him because you had to issue an ultimatum for him to do anything about it.  I'm sure you would have preferred that he came up with his new attitude on his own.

Answer 18

Give him some time to see if he can sustain it.  Try to find out what caused him to change this last week.  Either ask him or his friends and family that he talks too.  Maybe you can use what you find out to help him keep it up.

Also, let him know that you appreciate it.  Do it subtly though.  These are things he should have been doing all along.

Answer 19

Because you know it wont last. You are also sad that he didnt man up and start acting this way from the start. It makes you sad that youve had to be unhappy for 2 years and then he all of a sudden starts to change. Its not going to last honey.

Answer 20

I was once in a similar situation not that long ago. First of all, he has only changed for a week? I have to wonder if he will continue with this change. Sometimes guys will change for a short period of time and then once they think they have pleased you and you aren't going to leave them they snap right back into their old ways. My husband of three years was the same, instead of helping with the kids, house, and improving our marriage-he was out on the town getting drunk. Once I separated from him, he wanted to change and for the most part changed to an extent....I took him back but I too was just so unhappy...so I am moving on with my life...since then I have filed for divorce. We also had some deeper issues. Anyways, I suggest you try counseling (doesn't work for everyone) but it's worth a shot...and maybe a date night here and there....Good luck!