Why/when did we start using the term "birth mother"?

Question

come from??? i'm a 60's baby and all my parents ever called her was my "real mother".

Answer 1

I don't know when it started but it started because it sounds rude to call the woman who gave birth to you your real mother when she gave you up and there was a woman there taking care of you. The one taking care of you is your real mother not the one who gave birth to you.

Answer 2

When it started, I couldn't tell you. I'm assuming the term "birth mother" came about because she is the mother whom gave birth. Why we starting using it, I have no idea either...good question.

Answer 3

Don't know when, but I find "real mother" offensive as both an adult adoptee and adoptive mom.

Answer 4

My uncle grew up in an orphanage during the 1940's and always called his "mother" his birth mother... I have all of his Sermons, book notes and college papers dated back to the 60's... and he often used the term Birth Mother especially in his sermons...

His Navy enlistment papers at the age of 17 "waived parental signatures" and noted that he was a "A word of the state with a living birth mother"

His Orphanage papers state he "Is An Orphan with a Living Birth Mother"

....so as far as I know it must go back to the 1940's at least for "child protective" purposes...

I recall my uncle not being happy with my ex-husband who grew up with the phrase "Natural Mother" my uncle found this odd because most people are natural and real...

In his 40 or so sermons where he speaks about adoption (which there was a great deal of in the Bible) he always uses the word "Birth" and one of his most profound sermons spoke of Joseph Adopting Jesus as his son...who was born to Mary his birth mother.... That sermon is dated 1958.

Added: My children call their birth mother "Mom (first name)" and I am "Mom Anna" when there needs to be a definition. When we are talking about our "positions" or need to make anything clear to someone new to the situation we use the terms Birth Mother and Adoptive Mother...

Biological Mother... On a big Adoption website I was told when I accidentally referred to myself as the birth mother of my older children that I am Not supposed to call myself the birth mother of the children I parented and was informed that I was their Biological Mother.... So I have been careful since to try and be respectful and call myself the Biological Mother of Sean and Tori, the Adoptive Mother of Makala and Marty and the only birth mother is Makala and Martys mom who gave birth to them...

Answer 5

i think it came about when the adoption industry tried to PC their terms.  how birthmother is PC i'm not sure.  but it came about at the same time as other supposed possitive terminology was being taught to adoptive parents, probably sometime late in the 90's.  

we simply refer to her as my mom (her first name after that).  we are both her very real mothers.  neither of us are imaginary.  we are both real and both her mother.  we just happen to both have different roles in her life at this time.

i feel once my child's older she can choose how to refer to her since it's her mother and her choice.  but for now i think calling her mom then her first name, which is what she is to her is appropriate.  she is her mother also.  

if you  have 2 brothers you call both of them your brother and then followed by their first names, if speaking about them.  i don't see why not do this with mom.  

since it's an open adoption she is more than the woman who just gave "birth" to her.  she is a part of my child and always will be.

ETA: i think as long as you speak of mom in a postitive mannor and don't speak of her like she's an incubator then the child will have good associations with whatever term is used.  

i think as a society we worry too much about what labels are and what they mean.  techinically the word b*tch is nothing more than a female unspayed dog.  but society has deemed and made it a negative word.  

it's a word.  how the person using it and more importantly how the person it's being used to describe, feels about it is what's important.

Answer 6

I have no clue. To me I've called her birth mother because that is what she did, give birth to me. But looking back i think i used that term in a mean way becaue i felt that the only thing she ever did was just give birth to me. my a-mom doesn't care what terms i use, so now i use biological mom or just mom.

Answer 7

I know I will probably totally get slammed for this - but I have a hard time understanding why "birth mother" is bad.  To me, it is so much more than the idea that someone was an incubator.  It's the biggest, most important designation of all - the woman who gave life to a child. It's a role that never ends - she will always be the woman who is responsible for bringing a child into the world - the one who actually CREATED them.  

Biological/Bio mom seems dismissive to me - it implies it was just all about passing down the genetics, the biology of it.

First mother, to me, implies that there is a second, and therefore the first's importance is over.  Yes, she was first - but now there is the second.

I guess I just don't like any of them.  When talking about our future adoption these days I just say "mother."  I actually had an small argument with my agency because I wouldn't keep saying "biological mother" or "birthmom" - I was just saying "mother."  I still refuse to do it.

Answer 8

I don't like either term.  How about biological?  I've actually been meaning to ask if that's offensive.  It seems better than "birth", because to me it implies so much more than just the event of giving birth; but it also doesn't negate the very real parenting of the adoptive mom.  Hmmmmmmmm...

Answer 9

I don't know.  My parents certainly never used that term.

My adoptive parents always referred to my mother as my 'mother' or my 'real mother'  but they are realists and use honest language for the sake of being  honest - no fancy terms designed to make them feel better about their position in my life.  

They know I'm their daughter and don't need made up language or deny I  had a natural mother to be secure in our relationship.

Answer 10

I think that is aninteresting question and I have wondered that myself. I hope we get an answer!

Here is a link to a site about CUB (Concerned United Birthparents) with some history of the use of the word "Birthmother" run together (the term chosen by these particular women to describe themselves in the early 1970s) as well as the term "Biological Mother" (they did not like it, according to this).

http://www.uoregon.edu/~adoption/people/...

The first part of this page also goes into the history of the terminology:

http://www.uoregon.edu/~adoption/topics/...

I had come across something before, in a blog I think, that said "natural mother" had been the term and then the adoption industry switched to birth mother, as I remember the article said this was sometime in the 60s or 70s that the switch was supposedly made/pushed. That contradicts HappyMom's story of her uncle, though, and I believe what she said. I wish I could find that article now, darn it!

I know this wasn't your question, but I came across this poll of what terms were preferred. Supposedly the poll was to be answered by first parents only, though I would bet a fair amount of others voted also.

http://forums.adoption.com/birthparent-s...

I like "first mother," "first mommy," "first parents." Sometimes to be clear I will use "first/natural/birth mother." I don't like either birthmother or biological mother by themselves, because they both seem to clinical to me and to minimize the importance of the relationship.

Answer 11

I am now beginning to prefer to use the adjective adoptive mother when the need to differentiate mothers arises. My mother is the woman who grew me in her body and with whom I share genetics with. The woman who raised me, made all those motherly sacrifices, took care of me and is the keeper of my childhood memories one mom I share a history with is my adoptive mother. Why shouldn't the adoptive mother have the distinction of being described by her role in the adoptee's life? Adoption isn't something we're ashamed of - are we?

The terms birth-mother / birth daughter feel demeaning to me. It is distasteful to me. Like everyone else I have a mother too. I was born, like everyone else. Unlike most everyone else, I was raised by I complete stranger that I learned was my (legal) mother. As a tiny innocent baby, I was a legal transaction. My identity was erased at birth, my connection to my family was hidden from me.  I grew to trust my adoptive parents. I went home at 3 days of age with them. My mother was never allowed to look at me. She was drugged when they had her sign termination papers.

Answer 12

The term "birthmother"  was joined together as one word per CUB.  

I think it was a social worker that coined the terms.  I guess she thought it was better than unwed mother.

Answer 13

"birth" mother is a term coined by agencies and other adoption professionals.  It is meant to appease adopters into the misguided notion that the "birth" family of a child they adopt would no longer be relevant or exist....basically, calling the expecting mom an incubator.  We ARE the mothers of our children, not incubators.

Answer 14

I had two mothers.  I called them both mum.  One I referred to as my birthmother, which to me is the mother Ive had since birth (she is now deceased hence the past tense).  The other is my adoptive mother.  For me birthmother is just an abreviation for mother since birth.  What other people think or what other people mean by the term is really irrelevant to me.  Both my birthmother and adoptive mother are very very real.

Answer 15

Personally, I cringe when I see:

birthmother

biological mother

bio mom

I was a mommy / mother to my daughter, "Lauren". I took care of her. I loved her FIRST, before anyone else. I talked, read, and sang to her. If it were not for me, she would not be. Same with my son, Sam. I am her natural orgin, as I am with Sam.

I am not a birthing machine and biological is a given for any child one has. I never refer to Sam as my biological son, he doesn't call me his biological or birth mom.

If it pains an AP or PAP so much to refer to their child's first or natural mother that way, I don't understand. It's what I am. It's showing respect. It's what I have requested to be called.

I would not say that I am "the real mom". That seems disrespectful to AP's, but that may just be me. The AP's are simply "mom" and "dad". We are all real.

But please, don't reduce me to the likeness of a machine or some cold scientific term.

I would think that AP's would refer to us as "goddesses" I would think they would want to bestow upon us the highest honor possible, as they have from us what they would never have had otherwise. "Great mom" has a nice ring to it. Yes, I'd like to add "Great mom" to my list of what I would like to be called.

These are my opinions only. They do not represent all women who have relinquished.

"Lauren's" First / natural / great / beautiful mom  .... and that goes for Sam too.

ETA:

http://forums.adoption.com/birthparent-s...

this site is an adoption site. I'm not surprised at the stats...