Why when people treat me well and smile at me, why do I get addicted to it to the pt. of becoming a problem?

Question

Hi! A lot of times, I'm just me and people treat me well, people smile at me a lot, even strangers, etc. And I like it!

However, later on I get worried about trying to maintain this state of being likeable, and I start changing and doing things I would not normally do just for the sake of being liked.

And sometimes I get the exact opposite result. Me trying to be more likeable, people seem to be less attracted to me. And then I get depressed when I don't get the results I want from people.

Has this ever happened to you before?

Is it normal? and what can be done about it?

(Sorry for the bad grammar/typos, I kind of don't pay attention to them when I'm online heh sorry =S)

Answer 1

Hi! It's not surprising that you like being smiled at and being treated nicely, who wouldn't! I think that's perfectly normal.

Regarding what can be done about trying too hard to be liked, I think you have answered your own question: When everybody is nice to you, you are just yourself; however, when things go badly, it is because you get worried about being liked.

It's easy to say, but try not to worry too much. When you find yourself over-analysing or going out of your way to please people (especially ones you don't like!), tell yourself to just relax and be in the moment. Go with the flow. For instance, keep smiling, have a nice conversation, but know when to stop and say 'see you later'!

Unfortunately, sometimes people get conspicuous about people being too nice to them and wonder what you want from them. Try to have a balanced relatonship with people, in which everybody gets something nice out of it - e.g. you both make nice smalltalk and it cheers you up; you both need company and go for a coffee because you both enjoy it, etc. etc. See what I mean? As soon as you notice one o you feels uncomfortable, it is time to stop. Better, stop before it gets uncomfortable and people feel you are clingy. I am sure you are great fun to be with when you are just yourself and radiate confidence and independence. Keep that in mind and good luck! :)

Answer 2

Trying to be something you're not is not normal, though millions of people do it.  Most people can spot a "fake" a mile away, because a fake usually overcompensates and ends up looking more like an idiot than anything else.  You said that when you are just you, people like you, smile at you and treat you well...so what's the problem with being you?  Not everyone is going to like everybody, so don't worry about making everyone happy.  It can never be done.  Continue being yourself.  It seems like you are a much happier person when you are.  Trying to keep up fake appearances will eventually wear you down sooner or later and sounds like it's already happening.

Answer 3

everyone likes to be liked, its human i think.

and maybe you think they like you less when you try, probably in part because some people can see you try and see that it isnt genuine and perhaps it is also because you have higher expectations of response to people because youre putting a real effort when in fact its no different than before?

Answer 4

Ok let me tell u 1st that THIS IS NOT ABNORMAL---its called CONFORMITY in psychological terms...its vry natural..wanted 2 b liked by others...n many ppl do do lot of things 2 please others 4 their conformation..........

Bt according 2 me 1 needed 2 change their attitude / habit only if they think that he/she is wrong, not 2 impress some1...becoz u can pretend 2 an xtend bt after that u hv 2 b urself..

N if some1 appriciate u 4 ur mock attitude thn whts da benifit of that Apreciation.........B urself n b truthful 2 urself ppl will lke u automaticly..........B CONFIDENT & B HAPPY

so ALL THE BEST--think abt it.........

Answer 5

People seem to like you when you are confident being yourself, and can sense when you're not confident while you are doing things you wouldn't normally do.

It is normal, everyone likes the feeling of acceptance.

I would suggest you just be yourself, and try not to worry about how others see you. :)