Why won't my husband listen when it comes to caring for our new baby?

Question

I have raised 3 children before my husband and I had our little boy in May. Our baby is 2 months old and there are certain little tricks that helps soothe our colicky baby. Our baby likes to be held very close and rocked while be talked to during this difficult time. My husband refuses to listen to me and allows him to cry until my husband becomes frustrated. When he becomes frustrated thats when he'll listen to me. He complains that the baby only wants me and thats not true. There are little ways to console our baby and he just wants to do things his way and they NEVER WORK!!!

I don't want to hurt his feelings but he gets alot of gas in his little tummy from wailing so much. Without arguing, I don't know how to tell my husband to listen to me.

Answer 1

For the sake of the baby take control and show your husband threaten not to have s*x till he listens and does as suggested

good luk!  

Answer 2

Funny as it may sound, he is trying to show you he is just as good of a parent as you are, experienced or not.  He's probably feeling very inadequate right now and totally vulnerable and useless, which is very very hard for some people to deal with.  He probably feels frustrated because, like alot of people, he was always under the impression that parenting is like instinct, you either have it or you don't.  When in reality most of us know its a practice makes perfect type of venture.  Sit him down when he isn't frustrated and overwhelmed and explain to him that you understand his frustration.  Share with him a story of your first time as a parent and some silly oversight you may have had.  Something that he can relate to.  Express to him your appreciation of his tireless efforts and explain to him that you aren't questioning whether or not "his way" is right, that you just have a tip that you have found works really well to you.  You may have told him things like this already, but saying the same things in a different tone, with his full attention, in a non-chaotic environment (meaning all the munchkins are passed out in dream-land), and approaching him in such a way that shows total concern and respect for him, may get you a much better result and him all too willing to gain some of your knowledge.  

I used to harp on my husband when he would do things for our girls, and yes, those ways did work very very well for us, but he was insistent to try his own route.  He would get so frustrated with me that we would either fight, or he would stop helping me out all together.  One day he finally explained to me that me advising him or telling him to do this or that was the worst thing I could do at that moment, no matter what my intentions.  He said it made him feel as though I thought he was a crappy parent and didn't know jack about taking care of our children.  He made an excellent point in telling me that no matter what way you do something, if the end result is the same, then that's the only thing that matters.  I also had to learn that "my way" wasn't the ONLY way, nor the only RIGHT way.  That there are many different paths that lead to the same finish line.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Awww, poor thing. Thankfully this stage won't last forever. :) The best thing you can do is come out and tell your husband that if he does not alter the way he comforts the baby, the baby will continue to cry. Simple as that. Just try saying, "Honey, let me show you a way to do it that has worked for me before. Maybe try it like that and I bet he will stop crying. I know you want to hold him. It will take a little practice but the baby wants to be held by both of us, and I think it would be really sweet of you if you could help me comfort him sometimes." Something like that. Encourage him to try "his" ways but find a nice way of telling him to try yours because it works, lol. **** luck!

Answer 4

My husband did things similarly. We are blessed with a very mellow child, but when she was fairly new and would have bad days, my husband would "scream" back at her out of frustration. He always acted like it was a funny joke, but I think inside he was so frustrated and upset that he couldn't get her to stop. Once she finally started crying real tears I think things hit home and he realized that his way wasn't working.

I would guess that your husband is so frustrated and a little bit embarassed. He feels that if he starts doing things your way that he'd be admitting that his way was wrong. Try to make him feel like things are his idea. When the baby fusses, ask him what he thinks would help. Maybe if he comes up with it he'll feel better about it :)

Answer 5

No offence but you are the mother and given the baby's age your husband should be trusting your maternal instincs.  you do what you have to to relieve a baby with colic the baby is not crying as he wants to play his mum he is crying as he is in pain! Its proven that 8 weeks of age is way to early for a baby to control crying, its honeslty just horrible to let your baby cry like that so young.

Take charge of the situation and do what you think is best as a mother you can do this in a respectable way to your husband.  

Answer 6

My husband did the same thing when we had our first. I just kept telling him, over and over and over. Finally when he was so frustrated, I just said "honey, can you please try this way?" and of course he got all mad, but he tried it. Now, With our 3rd just 12 days old. He is a master at burping, and stoping her from crying.