Why won't my wife have s*x with me when there is no reason not to?

Question

My wife and I have been married for a little over six months. Before we got married I was very up front about being a very sexual person. She told me that it was no problem for her, and that she could handle it and even take care of me when intercourse wasn't an option. I was very happy with this and for a long time everything was good. Since a few months before we got married our s*x life has been "iffy" at best. We go through spurts of a good amount of s*x (2-4 tiimes a week), and then we often go two weeks without any s*x, oral or otherwise. She knows that I have no problem taking care of her even if I am not in the mood. What do I do?

Answer 1

To make a marriage work you have to ask this question to your wife and not the people on Yahoo.  It is called communication, try it and see if you get more action from her, than on here.  Good luck.

Answer 2

talk to your wife! maybe something is wrong with her maybe she is depressed

Answer 3

why you don`t ask her? ... it`s the only way to get the real truth  

Answer 4

I agree with John C.  Please do not have children with this woman or waste anymore time with her.  Believe me, it will not get any better.

I don't understand why so many women do this to a man they are supposed to be in love with.

I don't believe you have done anything wrong here.  I'm sure you have done all the right things and even when you ask her about it, she probably just says she's tired or something.  The fact is, she just doesn't feel like it.  You won't be able to do anything to change that fact and like I said, it will only get worse over time.  Do women today not understand a simple truth, and that is when a man gets married (and most women, too) he expects that now he will be having s*x.  No married man should ever have to walk around sexually frustrated.  That's a ridiculous way to live.

Answer 5

Well, it looks like the pre-marriage promise carries the same weight as a pre-election promise.  The only difference is if a politician lies at least in 4 years there's a change.  It's kind of funny my wife was similar before we got married she promised she'd always take good care of me that way as well.  That promise lasted a little longer than your wife's did, but the end result was the same.

The reality is when one partner doesn't have the same "drive" as the other unless they have a very giving attitude as a couple you will be intimate when it's convenient for the person with the lower drive.

By setting the mood, rubbing her shoulders, kissing the back of her neck, doing romantic gestures you may have some luck increasing her drive.  Also be more giving as a lover, make sure she "gets there" as many times as she likes before you do.  WIth my wife that only lowered her need for it, maybe for your wife it will wake up her drive a little...

But if I could turn back the clock I'd have made some different choices with my marriage before kids arrived, and I'd make sure my partner had a drive similarly matched.

Answer 6

Maybe she's mad at you for some reason or just overly tired or stressed out.  Why don't you ask her?  Then you will now why.  Just so you know, people do get tired of s*x after a while and sometimes stop having for no reason, maybe this is the case.  

Answer 7

You don't know what to do when it goes on for several nights? Dude, you m********e.  

Answer 8

Well you should ask her was going on?

Answer 9

What does she say?  You haven't asked? I seeeeeee...

Answer 10

You may be a sexual person but maybe ur not satisfying her needs sexually, s*x is not about quantity, its quality! Maybe she does not reach o****m and when that happens regularly women lose interest in s*x. If she was ok before then most probably ur the problem.

Answer 11

welcome to being married. i'm sure it's jsut a phase or somethin that has nothing to do with you or s*x itself. maybe she's stressed about something or has a lot on her mind where she isn't thinking about it. maybe do something sweet for her like a night you nkow it's gonna be the two of yuo bring her flowers and some champagne or wine and tell her that you want to be close to her tonight. maybe she'll get the hint and being sweet and doing romantic stuff definetely helps girls loosen up sometimes.  

Answer 12

hand her divorce papers...that'll shock her into behaving like a wife....too many women pull this c**p for no reason and men shouldnt have to tolerate it....

Answer 13

Have you given any consideration to health issues on her part?  By that, when is the last time she went to see a doctor?

Any changes in sleep patterns, stress factors (work/home), diet, exercise, etc. can have an impact on your libido.

A lot of newlywed couples go through this (most of my friends are married; some recently) so this isn't completely uncommon.  

Answer 14

sweetie try to talk to her! i don't know why she won't talk but there is a big reason! try to find out when the last time she when to the doctor? is very important probably  she is sick! good luck and try to do your best to be at her side.

Answer 15

I would divorce her butt before its too late.

Answer 16

Well, if she isn't having s*x with you just because she doesn't want to and no other reason the she is in the wrong. It is her duty to take care of you and vice versa. I have a very high s*x drive so this is not a problem in my marriage, but I have seen it tear apart other marriages. I have learned from other people's mistakes. s*x always should have been only between a man and his wife. It is still as sacred and important in a marriage now, as it was when we were created. If there is no health issue, then she should make more of an effort to be there for you in a sexual way. This is going to be a valuable piece of advice that you should look into. What I would do if I were you is to go to a place for help in  this situation that will have good, sound advice for you. And when you go there and read the articles, and approach your wife with this information, she will be more open to changing. This website has Bible based material. She will see that you are being a real man wanting to solve your marital problems and differences, not some horny jerk looking to get laid. I go here many times for different situations that arise and I ALWAYS find something to help me or someone else. Just go to the search page and type in marriage, s*x, relationships, etc. I know you will find something to help you. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now, but I can assure you, you WILL find help here!

Answer 17

Tough call! Do something before you have kids!!!

Answer 18

No reason not to?  

Dude, she has a reason for not wanting to have s*x with you, legit or not.  One problem is, you just don't know what it is.  The other problem is solving the problem once you find out what it is.  I'm sure the frustration is getting to you but some way you must learn a way to tune into her wavelength.  Remember she is from Venus and you are from Mars.  Whatever it is, is it a biggie to her.  Could be she is just pissed about something you don't have a clue about. I know you're not a mind reader so you must find a way gently get her to clue you in on what the issue is.  Good luck.

Answer 19

Welcome to married life, where it's a lot easier to say "no" if you're too tired, because the person is lying right there next to you, and you know they will be there night after night after night, until s*x becomes much less of a priority.  

Sorry, man... I hope it gets better.  Maybe it's you?  Did you ask her if she's feeling satisfied?  Do you require more time from her than just quickies on those occasions, or do you prefer long, gourmet lovemaking sessions every night?  If that's the case, she may just have too much other stuff on her plate.  Ask her for quickies during the week, and then give her the time of her life on weekends.  Tell her you need to do this to keep your Johnson in shape for marathon weekend sessions.  

Answer 20

How about talking to her seeing how she feels maybe somethings bothering her keep the communication open marriage is a big step and a big adjustment maybe shes having a little trouble with the change talk talk talk and then talk some more  

Answer 21

Are you pleasing her as well. Maybe you need to try new things, diffrent positions. If you want s*x more often you need to make sure she gets hers to.  

Answer 22

The first 6 months to a year, it will be this way. My marriage was even up to 2 years without great s*x. I am in my 5th year now, and we have had s*x almost EVERY night. It will get better is my only advice. My wife did not, and does not always want s*x, but after I stopped "pushing" (i started realizing it just wasn't going to happen) for it, it seemed to make her want it more. if nothing else works...wait it out. She will hit her peak, and you will be the one saying no -haha

Answer 23

Maybe she is upset because she is feeling pressured!

If my man expected s*x the way you seem to and didn't respect me when I wasn't in the mood that would be a TOTAL turn off for me.

I am fortunate to have a man who respects me when I'm not in the mood, and usually because he reacts well and respects my feelings without pressuring me, I am much more inclined to approach him for s*x at a later date, so he's also not the only one asking.

Also, I never expect him to pleasure me if he is not in the mood and I would definittely be bothered if my bf said something like "She knows that I have no problem taking care of her even if I am not in the mood". I don't expect that from him, and if he does something when he's not in the mood it's his choice, but it's unfair to expect that in return.

You're not the mood, you have a right to say no, and it's the same for her. If you choose to please her anyway if you're not in the mood, that's your choice, and it's unfair to expect the same of her based on your own choice.

Remember, this is your wife, and not your s*x doll. Try to appreciate her as a person, show some romance and take the pressure off s*x. If she feels appreciated and loved by you, she will be much more inclined to seek it out.

Answer 24

your not good?

Answer 25

a women i know told me she never had an oegasam with her husband of 30 years. She said he  was not good in bed

Maybe your problem is the same

Answer 26

Is there something that has happened to change her mood? Is she tired? I don't understand why she is turning you down. Perhaps the best that you can do is instead of assuming anything just talk to her about it and ask her is something has changed. We women are very sexual too and I am sure if you just talk to her, maybe she can enlighten you. Wish I could say more.  

Answer 27

DUMP HER !!!!   Do it before you have kids or buy a house.

Every day you stay married to her will cost you more to get rid of her.  

Dump her hard, dump her fast, dump her NOW !!

Answer 28

you TOLD your wife you were a sexual person....she didnt figure it out while dating you? i dont get it

she's probally not in the mood. have you been romantic lately. just cuz you get married, doesnt mean the romance stops.

i know that when my fiance isnt helping w/ our son or around the house, i'm not really in the mood. but when he's being his usual helpful self, i'm more likely to want to do it to such a great guy

Answer 29

Ask her.  It could be many things, depression, stress or maybe she lied and her s*x drive just isn't like yours.