Why won't society accept that all women are NOT meant to have children?

Question

having my son has been the biggest blessing ever and i thank the heavens for him. and i never realized what a true sacrifice it is to bring a child into this world. not only is it a huge financial sacrifice, it takes a lot from you socially, emotionally, and physically. i'm thankful that i was at a point in my life where i was willing and able to give so much to my son and not be resentful toward him because of that.

realizing how much i had to give up for my child, i understand why some women would choose to terminate a pregnancy or to choose adoption. just because a woman can or does get pregnant doesn't mean its something she wants at the time or ever. why is that when a woman chooses adoption or abortion people act like she's a monster? i personally think it takes A LOT of selflessness to put a child up for adoption. for many women, even abortions are selfless. we watch the news and so often see children that are starved, beaten, and or killed by mothers and/or boyfriends that are resentful of the child's mere existence. those children should have been given to loving homes, or the pregnancies should have been terminated rather than making an innocent child live a nightmare. why won't society accept that sometimes women make choices that benefit them and their children the best they can?

i also don't want to hear people say things like "well they shouldn't get pregnant." condoms break, and the pill and depo don't always work.

some of the answers to this question illustrate what i mean:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20080809125243AAwMXIu&cp=2

Answer 1

Lots of people can't stand to see a woman have a thriving career in place of a family.  My daughter doesn't want kids, and thought I would be angry because she didn't give me a grandchild.  It's her life, it's her money, and it's her body.  She can do whatever she wants to do as long as she is happy.  

Answer 2

People forget that we have a choice and like to dictate their views on other people.  I personally don't agree with abortion but it is not my place to say what is right or wrong for another person.  It does take alot to raise a child.  My 2 are a blessing.  I do know people who never have had children and it is probably for the best for them.  It is not anyone's business to interfer into others life styles but unafourtantly many believe it is.

Answer 3

Your example is one response out of 33, not exactly a good example of wide spread views. In the end I think the reality is and that most people like this are trying to get across is, that if you have s*x you run the risk of creating a life, whether your relying on birth control or not. I think what they'd like to see is people taking responsibility for their decisions/actions rather than, in their views, destroying life or pawning it off on others to deal with. While there are always people who want to adopt, the question still remains are they (the birth mothers/fathers) truly ever going to take responsibility for their lives and actions, if they can simply find a way to avoid the repercussions of their choices. While I don't agree with these views, I can certainly understand the logic behind the ideas. I think in their views, if you don't want to have children, then you should be taking every precaution (multiple forms of bc, tubal ligation/vasectomy or abstinence (during fertile periods)) rather than just having your fun, then running from what you've chosen. Once again, these aren't my views but, I certainly can understand their positions, whether I agree with them or not.

Answer 4

Society will never understand because that is what everything is based on. most Religions have women keeping the house clean and raising the kids.

Answer 5

i gave my daughter up for adoption because i thought she would be better off with the adoptive family ...

any dumbazz can have a baby but you have to have your act together to adopt

they dont let just any loser adopt a baby

i think adoption is smart and the way a lot of awful parents should go

im glad we didnt choose abortion , abortion should be the last resort

good luck

Answer 6

Do you mean, Why won't society accept that not all women are meant to have children? Because you made it sound like women aren't meant to have children at all. But I totally get what you're saying. I've already decided that I don't want to have a kid, though I want to adopt.

Answer 7

I agree with you 100 percent, and I don't understand "anti-abortion" people. I honestly can't tell you why society can't accept this, even though I doubt any woman supports abortion because they are, at heart, "baby killers." It's nonsensical, and the law protects the mother, not the fetus. I also support the mother's choice.

Answer 8

I agree with you completely!  I had fertility problems and treasure my two boys, and worked hard to get pregnant, and certainly WANTED to have them.

Certainly before, but most especially after I had them, I would be astounded by the sheer number of children who were abused, neglected, sexually molested by family members, live-in boyfriends, etc.

Some children have been so badly abused that they are damaged and non-trusting, poorly functioning people for the rest of their lives, and would likely be better off if they had never been born.  Many become criminals, or at the very least, repeat the cycle of abuse because it is all they know and believe it to be "normal" behavior.

We were supposed to adopt a newborn two years ago, because his mom's parental rights had been severed by a judge while she was still pregnant...she had horribly abused drugs, refused prenatal care, refused to abort, and was working as a hooker to support her drug habit...even with all those problems, we agreed to foster this baby, and hopefully adopt him.

Due to her abuse, he was born with so many problems that he died a week after birth--I was heartbroken and angry, and couldn't do a darn thing about it.  She should have been charged with murder, or manslaughter at least.

I have no doubt in my mind that the amount of suffering this little boy endured for the week he lived was more than any child should have to go through...and it would have been better for him had he NEVER been born.

Answer 9

I do understand what you are saying.  Accidents do happen and i think it is great that a woman decides to put the baby up for adoption rather than keeping it and treating it badly. (alot of women can't have kids, they bank of the fact that some women get pregnant and dont want to keep baby) I do understand that not all women want kids, and who doesn't love to have s*x.  Just because they don't want kids doesn't mean they should never be able to have s*x.  I think some people are really hard on others.  I have gotten alot of rude comments about not breastfeeding my kids. People say that i am lazy or that I don't love my kids enough to have stuck with it.  Just because you give your child a bottle does not mean your a bad mother. I wanted my kids, i love my kids and i would do whatever i have to so they have what they need.

Answer 10

I see nothing wrong with people who choose not to have children.  Most times, they are people who know they would not make good parents.  It's the people who have children, but don't want children, that I take issue with.

Personally, I don't like abortion.  I think it is morally questionable, when used as a form of birth control.  Yes, birth control failure happens, but with all of the advanced forms of birth control available, relying on something as flaky as a condom silly.  

But I don't rail at women who have abortions.  I may not like it, but I don't know what's going on in their lives.  If a woman has an unplanned pregnancy and chooses not to parent, I would hope that she considers adoption as a viable alternative.  

And speaking of adoption..  I do think that people are too hard on women who choose adoption and this tends to fall along two lines of thought.  Some people automatically condemn the woman as a "crack w***e" who abandons the baby.  Other people automatically assume that she must have been coerced into adoption, because they can't acknowledge that a woman might decide that she is unwilling/unable to be a parent and that adoption is the best alternative.  

I just find it laughable that some people will hotly defend a woman's choice to an abortion and condemn anyone who tries to convince her not to have an abortion, but if a woman says she wants to choose adoption, then immediately they try to convince her to parent or have an abortion.  

But when it comes to parenting/childbirth/pregnancy/adoption, everyone has to contribute their two cents.

Answer 11

Amen.

And too, we are more then vessels for procreation - we are individuals ourselves and have a right to a life whose course we divine for ourselves.  Pregnancy is a dangerous undertaking, it puts our lives at risk - and we are at risk the whole pregnancy, why make us do something we are not ready to do?  That's not good for us, for society or our children.

Answer 12

well i don't know what sort of people you know but my circle of friends never  judge anyone for the decision people make .there is a few people who judge which i have read in papers and magazines .but most people now days except individual reasons for there decsions in life .

Answer 13

I agree, when I was 15 there was alot going on in my family.  I decided then that I would rather not bring a child into a world that I would rather not be apart of.  However, when I was 19 I got pregnant and at 4 months miss carried.  The miscarriage was so hard on my body I can know long concieve.  It wasn't that I changed my mind.  When I was pregnant I was looking forward to the baby.  And it broke my heart when I lost it.  When I married people asked when do we expect to start our family.  I tell them I don't wish to have children and I all but get my head bit off.  They call my selfish and a horrable person.  But if I tell them I am unable the response is a total 180.  

I made the decision and it didn't come lightly.  In fact it took my mothers side of the family 2-3 years to accept my decision.  However, my fathers side of the family has yet to understand.  No one in my family knows about the misscarriage and I plan to keep it that way.  It is enough that I can't be the mom everyone thinks I should be.  But I to know that I screwed up the one chance I did get would be more then I can  bare.  

IT IS NEVER AN EASY DECISION TO BRING OR NOT BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD.  EVERYONE JUST NEEDS TO RESPECT THE CHOICE MADE.  THE MOTHER DOES!!!!!  

Answer 14

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how its selfless to tear your baby apart and suck it through a vacuum machine just because you don't want it.

Not what you want to hear, but you asked my opinion.

Answer 15

I agree with you completely.  Society is that way because people are close minded and only think the way they want to.  Then they wonder why the world is the way it is.  They think their little protests and insults and judging is doing something when in reality they aren't helping the situation but making it worse.

Micheal she said not ALL women are ment to have children.  You say their bodies are ment to?  WHat about those women who can physically not have children and pay thousands and thousands of dollars into a fertility specialist when they can use that money to make a difference and adopt?  And she didn't mean physically, she ment mentally.  A lot of women do not have the motherly instinct and just think children are children and do not desire to have any.

Answer 16

I have to agree. You know, I would never have an abortion, but I don't want to give up my right to abortion at the same time. I would give up to a loving couple before I aborted, which takes a lot of guts.  

Answer 17

well one day i may quietly thank the lady who choses to have her baby adopted as it may be the only way my daughter has a child.

She's only 11yr old but is infertile, she has NO eggs of her own.Her choices are IVF with donor eggs, adoption or not having children. Whatever she choses to do i'll back her 100% if she has a child from adoption or donated eggs that baby will be my grandchild just as much as any children my other 2 have......