Why wont my husband have s*x with me? We haven't had s*x in almost 3 weeks?

Question

Okay this story is a little long, but to some it might sound interesting. A long time ago, I asked my husband why we didnt have s*x alot. He said "Well, I see myself as a king and you are my queen and queens don't have s*x alot" About to months later I asked him againhe said "I dont want to see you like the other women I have dated, I dont want to see you as a s**t".

Then he and I were cuddling on the couch the other night and we were discussing s*x and he said "I want to chase afer you, don't make yourself so easily accessible, I want you to start turning me down."

So, I started to little tiny things like bending over extra nice and it started to really turn him on, I did what he told me and I turned him down. It is worth noting I NEVER EVER turn my husband down, because well.... I love having s*x with him. After having two kids and being married almost four years, I am still drawn to him like a moth to a flame! He is just absolutely gorgious to me!

So last light, he was at the computer and we had been sorta flirting with each other, and I asked him "What time do you get off work tomorrow" he replies "seven O clock" I looked at him and said "well, I can get you off sooner than that". He says "OOOOOO, Nice". But, like 98% of the time, we went to bed. What am I supposed to do? I am a stay at home wife and mother of a one and two year old. I do everything I can in the bed room. I dress up for him in nurse outfits, I have done the whole leather and a whip thing(because he asked). I am at my whits end right now!!! I guess you could say when it comes to s*x, I want it more. I dont get it because when we first got married we used to have s*x all the time. We havent had s*x almost three weeks.

Oh P.S. he has told me in the past, he would rather cuddle than have s*x. I know most women would love a man like this, and I love him with everything I have, but I have needs and I am scared to confront him about this, because when I do, it just pushes him further away sexually.

Answer 1

I DUNNO! men are just lame some time...maybe hes tired or maybe he doesnt wonna have s*x w| you. maybe hes bored w| it & its the same position i rememberd when i wud say i wonna do u everyday he replied "no we cant overdo it... cuz if u do it all the time it gets boring"....so in that case i switch it up everytime! he wonders whats next???? hmm...girl i dunno. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT MAN . that is URS to have...not HiS to hld back.. i wud get extra wet & grab his hands & put it in btween ur legs nd say "i feel sumn, it hurts right here" & rub his finger against ur cl*t  & say "make it feel better" if hes a smart guy he wld....deff tell him how yu feel the sexual frustration will become a ball of fury nd u will spazz (go off, blow ur top) betta just let it effn out

Answer 2

If that's a recent photo of you, he's a q***r, that's why!

Answer 3

I was in a VERY similar situation with my fiance. We have been together for 2 years this November and we are getting married next year. About 6 months after we started dating he had pretty much moved in with me and that's when I started noticing we weren't having s*x as often.

My fiance is like your husband. He would rather cuddle with me then have s*x most of the time. I finally talked to him about it and it did exactly what you are scared of. It pushed him away further. I am like you, I have NEVER turned down s*x with him. The longest we have went without s*x is 1 month and so I can totally relate to how frustrated you are.

My fiance's reasoning for not wanting s*x was because he just didn't feel the urge. He said it wasn't me and it was a phase he was going through and nothing I could do would make it better. I finally decided to be patient towards him and lo and behold his s*x drive was back.

I only ask for it once a week. I am good with that and don't need more, although I don't turn it down if he offers, so I don't know if maybe you need it more then he does.

You mentioned you are a stay at home mom and that your husband works (which I don't see as a bad thing at all). If he is supporting your family maybe he is a little extra stressed and isn't in the mood. It is really hard to speculate the reasoning but as much research that I did during the time this was happening to me (which lasted about a year) I found the number one cause for a low s*x drive for men is stress.

If I were you I would talk to him about it. I know it scares you because you don't want him to be pushed further away but you are unhappy. I know what the saddness and frustration feels like when it comes to this and I can tell you, the less you talk to him about it the more upset you will become. It lead me to the brink of depression. Don't bottle up those emotions...they will explode. Talk to him about it. Maybe you will both work something out together from it.  

Answer 4

It is called the Madonna w***e complex. Look it up on wikipedia

Answer 5

Triple, your man needs to rethink about his concept of a s**t. Stop trying to have s*x with him and try making love.  You need to just kiss him  or wear something s**y when he comes in.  Make him want to be in the mood instead of just wanting s*x.  Trust me it works!

Answer 6

You start you story out with "a long time ago"... Has this problem been going on for years? Normally a relationship will experience a decrease in the amount of s*x over the years, since lust fades into lasting love. But if you've been having sexual issues for a "long time", this might not have anything to do with how long you've been together, if even anything you're doing wrong.

I think he might just have a low libido. I would seriously think about getting sexual counseling.  

Answer 7

Well, he fooled you in this marriage, if he has just let you know he just likes to cuddle and no s*x. I can't imagine no s*x. Especially at this early time in your marriage and your age in the twenties. i just didn't let that pass when I was at that time line. You shouldn't let it go, and keep working on enticing him with provocative outfits, or poses. No sense letting up on him. You do have needs and desires to have some pleasures. He eventually will have to give in if you are to be happy.......

Answer 8

Have his FREE testosterone levels checked. Sometimes nature "castrates" eithier man wife or both after kids. After all we are not supposed to spam the earth with dozen of babies.

Answer 9

Wait till he is asleep then when it swells, take advantage,

Answer 10

Let me ask something first, does he take sleeping medicine at night?  The reason why I is because my husband used to take sleeping pills at night and his libido went way down.  I'm like you, I need s*x as often as at least every other day and I wasn't getting it.  Well I told him to stop taking those pills and come to find out he did and we have no problem in the bedroom now!  So if he's taking any sort of medication it may be a symptom having a low libido so maybe talk with him or his doctor about this!!!  Hope this helps!!!

Answer 11

Ouch that's a tufee on you. In all honesty i think his cheating. I mean what more could he ask for he has his wife at home all day cooking, cleaning and looking after his kids. You'd literally bend over backwards to please him, you are clearly an open minded sumone, willing to dress up initiating the s*x. Men need that physical and we woman need the emotional. Liberate yourself woman, men find independant woman a turn on, be a yummy mummy. Go out get secret phone calls from you girl friends doesn'tsnt have to know who it is, laugh mysteriously. Leave him with the kids get poshed up go meet the girls for coffee.  

Answer 12

My honest opinion is ....my ex husband  was acting in this same manner. Except he was a trucker. We were married 12 years and the beginning was good. But as years went on  the s*x really slowed down. Then it just about stopped completely. After all the worrying and stress of wondering what was going on. He was cheating on me. (with his best friends wife.) It's something to think about. (cheating) it's hard to accept. But trust me I've seen it happen to alot of women. It's a sad situation that makes you feel like your not good enough. But after our divorce. My life turned for the best.  

Answer 13

I take s*x breaks with my gf because I really REALLY don't want her to get pregnant and she doesn't like using rubbers.

Answer 14

For a man to believe that having frequent s*x with his wife makes him see her as a s**t, he has a few screws loose.  That is not a normal attitude.  In what weird universe does he live where a wife who enjoys s*x with her husband is a s**t?  That is just bizarre.  I am afraid you're not going to get anywhere with him because he obviously has mental issues related to s*x and sexuality.  I recommend he begin a course of psychotherapy, but good luck getting him to go.

Edit for Millenium: I feel sorry for whoever you marry.  Going without s*x for 3 weeks in a marriage is not normal given two reasonably healthy, relatively young people.  The person who asked this question has every right to be feeling sexually neglected.

Answer 15

Your husband sounds like my fiance.... to a 'T'.  Even the cuddling.... exactly my fiance.

You have to talk to him about compromise.  He has to respect the fact that you need that sexual intimacy with him, and you have to respect the fact that he just wants to cuddle alot more.

Don't "confront" him... talk to him, be very sweet and loving, and just let him know how you feel inside about this and how much it hurts you... If he knows how much it hurts you inside to feel unwanted and undesired, hopefully he'll realize how his lack of s*x drive not only effect him but you as well.

I did with my fiance and things are back to a "normal" s*x schedule, i guess you could say, lol.

Answer 16

You know what. . .if I were you I'd let him alone!  Be glad he comes home to YOU!  Maybe he just needs some emotional "space".  LET HIM HAVE IT!  You'd irritate the sh*t out of ME if I were your husband.  Just let him alone and hug him, kiss him, show him attention. . .BUT STOP PRESSURING HIM ABOUT s*x!  It's unnecessary!  GO GET A VIBRATOR IF YOU'RE NEEDING IT MORE

Edit for Happy 2:  WELL LET'S JUST ALL HOPE IT'S NOT CANCER EATING AWAY AT HER HUSBAND!  'LEST THOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE AN . . . .A$$HOLE!

Answer 17

Sounds pretty simple to me, unintentionally you have turned s*x into an obligation instead of something to be enjoyed.

You've already learned that bringing it up is pushing him away, and he's already told you how to fix it, you just don't like his solution.  You said you were willing to do anything for him sexually, but yet your not willing to do as he asked.

It would seem that the saying, "Men want women to act like ladies in public but be wild cats in the bedroom"  Would apply here.   Try ignoring him, and letting him come to you, quit chasing after him.  Go buy a toy and take care of your needs when you want.  Eventually he will come to you and want it, even if you want it, act like you don't make him work for it, let him feel as if he talked you into it or that he managed to get you so turned on that he got you to change your mind.  Possibly even let him go without it that time, turn him down occasionaly.  You'll find that he will eventually start coming for you more and more often.  

Quite simply, your so willing that your just stripping down and jumping on the bed and saying come here big boy, take me.  Theres no fun in that for a guy, and will turn him off quicker then you can imagine.  He's been with you far too long and seen you naked way too many times to have just the thought of your naked body turn him on.