Why would a woman keep having kids when her marriage is on the rocks?

Question

My brother and his ex were married for 11 years and had 3 children together. My brother's ex wife always complained that my brother was a horrible husband, a lousy father, etc. I am not defending him, he really made a lot of mistakes. He cheated on his ex several times, didn't have any respect for her and always told me that he couldn't stand her but he didn't want to divorce her because he felt very guilty. You see when my brother had a serious accident at work and couldn't work for 4 years she supported him financially and stood by him ( at that point they were not even married) So my brother always felt like he owed a lot to her and couldn't divorce her. Anyway, my ex sister-in-law told me many many times that her life with my brother was h**l. But they had THREE children together! My brother didn't want to have kids with her and she was on birth control. Every time my brother seriously considered divorcing her she "accidentally" got pregnant ( she said she missed 1 pill). Maybe she thought that it was the way to "bond" with my brother...The stupid thing is that their marriage didn't improve after they had their first baby so why keep having children?

Why would a woman want to have 3 children with someone who doesn't respect and love her? If she was so miserable with him why would she stay with him for a decade and get pregnant 3 times? I know a lot of women who did the same thing and I am trying to understand why women do that. Now my brother and his ex are divorced and poor kids are suffering!

Answer 1

Perhaps, she thought having the child would make him see her as the giver of his children, perhaps she thought it would make them closer as a couple, perhaps she really has no clue, LOL.  It's hard to say without knowing the person.  People continue to have children with someone they don't love for many reasons.  Maybe because at the time she didn't think of the future quite so clearly, maybe she never actually considered divorce in the first place, so to her maybe the child would take her mind of the marital problems.  Maybe the children are a way to escape from the realities of the problems they were having during their marriage.  Maybe she was getting older, the clock was ticking and she knew if they divorced she would have a lot of time to start over to get the children that she wanted, so better to do it when she had the chance, once they're created it's not like you send them back, LOL.  Maybe she felt he had all the right qualities physically that she wanted her children to have, maybe they make good looking babies, LOL. Who knows, the problem is that now the children are suffering because of the divorce. :(  Some people don't think of those consequences.  Just try to be a good hmmm Uncle/Aunt and provide them with love.  Be open to help out if you are able and maybe the children will be okay.

Answer 2

Because despite their complaining about each other they may actually love each other or they may feel sentimental about each other - and having kids makes her feel that she can 'make it work' or make him love her or value her, or give her 'one up' on the other women - or that he might be less likely to leave her if she has kids with him. If she didn't mind the idea of him leaving her she would have left by now. Children are often wanted by women with low self esteem because it makes them feel they have someone to love them unconditionally and have a more secure relationship with. Men who cheat often want many kids with their wives because they mentally separate the two images of women as a sexual object and women as a nurturing mother figure. I wouldn;t believe his bulls+++ about not wanting kids himself - he's just saying that because he has commitment/responsibility issues.

Answer 3

Because they have no respect for themselves or their kids.

Answer 4

because her hubby's name is buck and he loves to **** :D~

Answer 5

A lot of people (men and women) think that having a baby will make the marriage stronger and better.  The idea of the beautiful baby and a doting mother and father makes a pretty image in your head.  Usually, of course, if a marriage is already in trouble, bringing a baby into the mix will only make things worse.  I've known girls who think that if they just get pregnant, the guy is going to love them and want to be with them forever.  It's the fairy tale that all girls grow up believing like the Cinderella story.  You are absolutely right that the children are the ones who suffer in the end.  

Answer 6

Jada I feel your question, will always be one that is unanswered. I'm sorry to be the one that tells you this but I am a realist. I've seen this happen to many times. Woman that feels they can keep a man by having a child. When in reality you can't even keep a cat in the house when you let him outside. So why would you think you could keep a man by doing that. This come from our older generation when men would stay for the children. Men would stay til the children go to college and both parents would be past the age of 40 so they would stay together. That doesn't work with our generation due to the fact most woman get pregnant earlier in life. Also we have to factor were are the woman in our generation that can't live without a man. woman will do anything to keep their man and these men know it. I call it entrapment based on you trapping yourself into a life of debt,pain,misery,grief.

Answer 7

I didnt really read your whole explanation, but probably so she could keep th emarriage together, make the husband feel like he had to stay...

Answer 8

they do it to keep the family together when in truth having a baby can tear you apart, my friends like this she did it to keep him,  

Answer 9

i ask that question over and over again.  

Answer 10

I don't get that myself.  I just think some people love complaining and actually enjoy being miserable.  Tell your brother he should consider a vasectomy ;)  Hopefully your brother can pull it together and make sure he does the best he can for his kids so that they don't suffer.  Just because people get divorced doesn't mean the children have to suffer, sometimes it may even benefit the children.  Good luck hope your brother finds his happiness.

Answer 11

they do it in hopes that it will keep them together.  

Answer 12

Hope springs eternal and yes, it is usually the kids who suffer.

Answer 13

It's odd to me that you blame the wife and not your brother.  It's easy and relatively inexpensive to get a vasectomy.  I should know, because I had one after we'd had all the children I wanted.  Your brother should have done the same.

Answer 14

she does this because she does want him to leave people think that having a baby solves everything it just makes matters worst by having a baby he would have to stay and take care of it dats why she does dat and because she loves him to death she will do anything love makes you do alot of crazy things

Answer 15

What does being married have to do with having kids? So I have to sacrifice my very real desire to have more children because I can't find a man who will stick around? Please! Just because she has a s**+tty husband doesn't mean she can't be a mother. Motherhood isn't just for the "happily married", us single gals do it just as good, if not better.  

Answer 16

Alot of women feel that by having children will keep her husband. It wont keep him there mentally but physically it will. Some men feel that they cant leave because they are obligated to their children so they stay for them no matter how bad the marriage is. The kids are going to suffer because they are so used to having mommy and daddy there at the same time and now that its different they are struggling to get used to the new life and new ways. Your brother may have had his imperfections but some of the blame should go on to the wife as well because she knew your brother was not fully committed and still tried to keep him as long as she could. Hope this helps

Answer 17

People tend to believe that having children will hold a marriage together, and many times it does.  It's also possible she loves children and wanted to have them, regardless of the father.

Answer 18

Women like that have absolutely NO self respect or self esteem.  They are nothing more than a uterus and provide NO benefit to society or the world.

And personally, I am starting to think that third kid is the nail in the coffin for most marriages that are shaky.  Sorry but MOST whining wives here HAVE three kids, start watching the trend and you will see too!  

Answer 19

I know a girl who got pregnant on purpose from a one night stand just cause she wanted to have a baby.  She also told the guy she was on the pill but forgot to take one.  BS.

I agree with you, but they made the children together and she will always be their mother and he will always be their father