Why would i encourage adoption for MY children? (or any black, latina or woman with a bi-racial baby)?

Question

someone asked a great question earlier about whether or not we would consider adoption for our children. i would like to add an addendum to that question.

any baby conceived by my children (according to questions on this forum) would be considered "less desireable", "special needs", "hard to place", et al. so honestly, why would i want to encourage adoption for my children or any black, latina or woman of a bi-racial baby?

disclaimer: i'm speaking about newborn adoption of black, hispanic or bi-racial babies. not foster adoption.

ps. all overtly racist comments that are not salient to the question will be reported.

Answer 1

I feel that this is more of a "universal norm" than you realize.

My children are between the ages of 43 and 33.  Five of my oldest were adopted from birth, way back in 1964.  They are all interacial.  We have a wonderful United Nations family who love each other very much.  My children are now parents themselves, and my grandchildren are loved very much by their parents and their grandparents, plus their Aunts and Uncles.

All my children are happy and contented adults.  They were happy when they were children and they are happy now that they are adults.  Amongst their choices of careers, is a lawyer, a restaurant ower, a therapist to brain damaged children, a successful real estate person, a day care worker, and a professional singer.

We were alltogether this Christmas and we had the most wonderful time.  Children are children are children and the color of their skin, to me and many others,  is wonderful addition to this planet.  I wish the world was the same as my family, mixed up if that is what you want to call it.   There are people like myself, who have adopted bi-racial children and they have immediately become "their children".  Bringing up my children, was the best and happiest time of my life.

Wouldn't this world be a better place if color and race was not an issue, like my family is.

White mother and grandmother

Answer 2

I'm not really understanding the question. Why would a baby be less desirable because they were of a certain race?

People of all races adopt and a lot of people do international adoption as well. So, what do you mean by less desirable?

Answer 3

Hi Tish,

I should be going to bed but i'm annoyed that you aren't getting your question answered!  For you I'll do my best.

10 yrs ago when we first applied for adoption we said we want a baby and we want a baby fast. (i had just had a stillborn little girl as a result i was told i could never get pregant again)  My arms were aching for a child.  We were told about the "miniority program".  We were told that we just missed the "special needs" label that would have saved us money with our adoption.  Our agency no longer considered African American children "special needs".  That was the only time i heard that term.

10 years ago, we were told that there were only 5 couples willing to adopt in the "minority program" and they all wanted bi-racial babies only.  That if we were willing to adopt a full African American baby we would go to the top of the line. (plus we were the only couple in the program with no children)

I remember my husband and I looking at each other like is she serious?  Yeah, we'll take any baby.  It took 3 months for a birthmother to pick us. (she was white)  "less desireable" or "hard to place" are not terms used to describe the "minority program" however, it was inscinuated.

Five years later we filed for adoption again.  Our oldest daughter wanted someone in her family who looked like her.  To our surprise, there were 26 couples in the "minority program"  and you could not specify biracial or full African American.  You also had to take a cultural diversity course.  They had a support group that you could ask any questions to families who had already adopted.  The agency also offered hair care classes.  I was so impressed.  There was every indication that the "minority program " was just as competitive and desireable as the "caucasian program".  After three failed adoptions that left my oldest daughter asking if her birthmother could come and take her back too, we went to Eithopia.

The Agency we went to adopt in Eithopia sends all kinds of emails like Eithopian recepies, phrases, holidays...etc.  So Tish, in my heart of hearts I do believe the agencies are learning.  If I were an African American woman thinking about placing my child i would have some tough questions for the agency!    I think some agencies are more evolved than others and it would take extra leg work on the birthmothers part to search out a great agency.  Great Question!!! Sorry for the typos tired and spell check not working.

*Thanks for the hair tip.  We love twists and bandu knots too.

**Scorpio sending out an apology to you.  I meant Current day mothers adopting African American children have no excuses not to learn how to care for your childs hair with the internet, more availibilities of products, and classes offered.  Mothers of the past, I'm sure had very limited help and struggled greatly i'm sure.  I am truly sorry.  I will try to be more clear in the future.

***Okay, we are dealing with individuals not agencies.  Although there are people who think in those terms, there are also people who want to be a parent and love a child with all their hearts.  Their love is so deep that they would love any child and the idea of choosing a child by the color of their skin is the silliest concept.  I mean think about it, i'm going to love this baby because it has lighter skin than this one, crazy.  Those same people would have diverse friendships to help guide them in complicated area such as dealing with racism in America, positive role models, hair care etc.  

It would be harder.  You would have to do more research than most people.  I would investigate the agency and meet with the possible aparents interviewing their reasons for wanting to adopt.  That in and of itself would be discouraging but in the end you would be making a wiser more informed decision.  To place a baby for adoption is a tough decision to make and I believe it should only be made if all other options are exhausted.  I hope I'm answering your question and not missing the mark again.  People who think in those terms you mentioned should weeded out of the adoption process altogether!

Answer 4

I totally hear what you are saying.  To be honest however, other than in this category, the only place that I have heard of race being considered "special needs" or "less than desirable" is in the foster care programs.  Perhaps I live a sheltered life but in most adoptions, I wouldn't consider race to be an issue, at least that is my experience.

Answer 5

Hmmph! Well, I don't think anyone should "encourage" anyone to consider relinquishing their baby for adoption -- that is much too likely to be coercive to the mother.  But yeah, given the racism in our society, and the added difficulties of a child of color being raised by a white family (not that that is always the case), I would be even less likely to "encourage" a woman of color to relinquish. And any woman of color (or woman carrying a biracial/multiracial child) should be told about the realities you have expressed.

Answer 6

I haven't heard that but if that is true than I wouldn't encourage adoption for these races. What you need to understand is a lot of people who are going to read this question will never know what it is to be non-white, especially black. Even those who are not a tad bit racist will never be able to experience the feeling of having color.

Some people who adopt though are very loving people. That's basically the adoption agencies label on the child that they are "hard to place" or "special needs". It might be that they are hard to place because most of America is white and many feel comfortable adopting a child of their own race. I don't think that this is a good reason but I think this is the reason for the label.