Why would my niece, married and 21, just now come forward saying she was raped at age 12?

Question

And then start pointing fingers of blame at my sister for not being a better mother and knowing it happened?

Apparently she was with her older sister when it happened.

Answer 1

This is quite an ugly situation, but I think it's important that her accusations are taken seriously. Rape victims go through psychological h**l, and are very often reluctant to talk about what happened for years. It is good that she has opened up about it, but she is now likely to be feeling very afraid and sensitive, and may lash out at people without thinking first.

You need to have a serious discussion with your sister and try to determine her perspective on what happened, or whether she thinks the accusation is false. It would be incredibly petty and stupid for someone to lie about getting raped, so you have to take what she's saying at face value, and help her and your sister find some common ground. Your niece also needs to get some expert help, someone to talk to outside of the family. Most countries have some kind of helpline for rape victims - you should look into this.

Answer 2

At age 12, when something traumatic happens, you often bottle it up inside and leave it stir for a while...  in young adulthood it often can come out again.  Your niece is probably having a hard time dealing with it now as it's been bottled up all these years and she's blaming your sister(presumably her mother) for not being a better mother and being there for her.  I'm sure as she gets older (closer to 25) she'll realize that she shouldn't have said that and regret it.

I think the best thing your sister can do is tell her "I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.  I didn't know anything happened and had I known, I would've done something about it.  What would you like me to do now?"

Answer 3

It is really hard for people to admit that they were sexually assulted or raped, especially if it happened to them as a child. Parents aren't always easily convinced that something happened even when the child does come forward. Also, if the person who did it was a trusted member of the community, the child might fear that that nobody would believe them.

I was molested as a child, and I have not come forward about it to my family, even though it happened probably 15 years ago. I feel like my family wouldn't believe me since I was young and they wouldn't believe that a relative could do that to me.  

Answer 4

she is an adult now, she was probably embarrassed, scared, thinking people would blame her, not having a mother (In her mind) that cared. lots of reasons to open up.

Answer 5

Sometimes it takes a while to be able to talk about it.  I have known a few that have experienced it that sometimes have to be away from home to talk about it. Now that she is married and the possibility of having children makes the danger of it happening to one hers become scary for her. She may feel like she survived but afraid she may not be able to protect a duaghter if she ever has one.  

Answer 6

A lot of times people hold it in for years, they usually have a fear of something or just think irrational. She might blame her mother for not better protecting her or warn her of such dangers. One of my aunts was nearly raped, and she blamed my grandma for not warning her that guys might try to do that.

Answer 7

Your niece is only mentioning it now because it is only now that she is strong enough emotionally to do so.

When something traumatic happens to a child, the brain blocks it out.  It is a protection mechanism.  At age 12 it would have seriously psychologically damaging to her so as a defence her brain blocked the memory.  Now that she is older and in a secure and loving relationship her subconscious feels safe enough to let her remember the event and all the details.

Unfortunately I have dealt with this on more than one occasion and the anger with her mother will pass.  It is usually just the anger at the event talking so please be patient with her and love her all the more.  It is a good sign that she is expressing all her emotions no matter how difficult on the family it may be now, it really will help her to heal.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

There are a point in life where people open up to others.

Answer 9

yes, that can be part of the process of acceptance, however they shouldn't be blaming her mom though. bad things happen. it's called life.

Answer 10

i agree with the 1st two answers.

Answer 11

well when something really bad like that happens people are scared to come out and say it because of wat they thnk other ppl will say or they are scared of the person that did it....she is probably blaming her sister because she feels she will be the least likely to leave or something because she is her sister.....dnt tell her she is lieing because if she isnt she will feel really bad that you werent there for her.....just try to be understanding....things will get better!!!

Answer 12

She was raped and your yelling at her? WTF man

Answer 13

for attention.  shes probably lying.

Answer 14

well now, you try getting raped at age 12

its horrible, it messes with your head and traumatizes you deeply.  

Answer 15

Why are you being so d**n insensitive about it?

GAW she was raped for god's sake. wtf

Answer 16

hmmmmm

Answer 17

Something may have triggered her memory or she is just now able to speak of it.

Answer 18

She should. If she keeps it bottled up in there, the stress about will multiply. Your sister is not at fault, your niece is the one that didn't tell her. If your niece tells someone, only that way can she get help with her feelings about it.

Answer 19

Well that would be a very had thing to admit. Rape is an extremely traumatizing experience, especially for a 12-year-old who is already going through her difficult teenage years, was probably a virgin at the time, and likely would continue to have chronic fears and anxieties about s*x untill marriage and maybe even after. This is probably the first time shes felt brave enough to admit it. And it's likely natural for her to blame someone, like her mother, because she has probably been blaming herself for years. Thats why.

Answer 20

as an aunt there isn't much you can do except being supportive.  

i'm sorry for your sister, she has her hands full. your niece should see a therapist AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she can see a rape crisis counselor.

Answer 21

She had this bottled up inside her for a long time and was probably lost and too scared to tell anyone...except now.  Just be there for her.  

Answer 22

This same thing happen to me, and let me tell you its hard to talk about it. First off it really hurts you and you are confused and don't know what to do and when you figure out that its ok to talk about it and your try and you really don't know what to say. give her time she will explain it all to you in time  

Answer 23

Rape is a hard thing to handle, it takes a lot of courage to say something. There is a lot of emotions that go into the whole situation. How dare you be so cold to the whole thing, SHE knows what happened, SHE knows how she feels about it. Don't jump to your assumptions unless you've been there.

Answer 24

It sounds to me that you don't believe her. Maybe she's lying, but maybe she's not! Unless she has giving many reasons to distrust her, I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe she was scared. Maybe she was ashamed. My cousin was date raped and it was a very long time before she told someone and she still blames herself.