Why would my sister side with my mother in law over me?

Question

My mil doesnt want a relationship with my husband or children? She has been invited to about 20 birthday parties and has come to 3. She invites us to Christmas about every 3 years and then winds up running her mouth that we try to just ignore so the kids can have their grandmother in their life but she quits talking to us over some kind of c**p. anyway she is a barber and my sister takes her twin sons there to get their hair cut. My sister tells my dad that my mil asked her to bring my children by to see her so i called my mil and asked if she did that and why didnt she just come to our home to see them, and she says that she did ask my sister that and mysister said she would sneak her some pictures of my children. That infuriated me, i tried to call my sister but she wouldnt answer then about an hour later my mil called me back and said that she had just gotten off the phone with my sister. My mother said my sister said our relationship is over because i believed what my mil said, but i couldnt ask my sister because she wouldnt answer the many phone calls i made to her. what do i do? should i just get over it and move on? it hurts so bad because my mil has pics up of my nephews and not my children.

Answer 1

Let it ALL go. You have invited her and she does not come. You are being manipulated by the drama. Take a huge break from calling anyone of them. After things have settled down and maybe a birthday is upcoming, invite them. When you ever do see them,, be really warm, gracious, and do NOT discuss who sees whom when and how often. Do not listen to your sister as she is betraying you even though it is not truly her fault-the MIL initiated it.   They are loving it that you are trying to call and get involved. Let your phone take your messages and concentrate on raising your children in peace without the drama for awhile.

Answer 2

Wow...too much drama!

Answer 3

just  tell  here   about  ok  it

Answer 4

I'd like to suggest that you make this all about taking good care of your kids and teaching them good relationship skills.  And remember that this is your children's grandmother so she actually has some rights of access to the grandchildren (at least in the U.S.).

First of all, this he-said-she-said stuff is terribly dysfunctional.  I don't know how old your kids are, but they probably get the idea about what is going on and that everyone talks about everyone else behind their back.  This is NOT good and not a lesson or skill you want to be teaching them.  That needs to stop, at least in your house, right now.

Establish some really simple, healthy rules.  Like at birthday times invite ALL the relatives, don't exclude anyone.  At holidays invite all the relatives, don't exclude anyone.  Remember to send every out-of-town relative a birthday card, don't forget anyone.  Don't model favoritism or exclusion.  Those are terrible lessons.

There is no reason at all for your sister to have to "sneak" pictures of your kids to their grandmother.  Send grandma (all grandparents actually since you're no longer going to show favoritism) a current set of pictures every year.  It's up to her whether or not she displays them.

If you follow these simple rules then when your sister or mother or whoever gets into your business you can say, honestly, "We sent grandma pictures last fall."  Or, "She's been invited over for every birthday and holiday, I don't know why she would tell you otherwise."  And leave it at that.

You might also want to get into the routine of swinging by her workplace with the kids to say hello for 2 minutes every once in awhile so she can see the kids and they can see her, but it's completely controlled, public, and you can leave quickly since she'll be busy.

Sorry your family is all into your business, but if your business is clean they won't have much to talk about from now on, right?  Good luck!

Answer 5

Hate to say this, but from your post, I kind of side with your mom in law, too.  I know you probably don't mean it, but you don't seem like you are being very nice when she's around.  And I think that your sister, who knows you very well, probably knows that about you too.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time angry- and I am sure you have a reason to be angry, somewhere.  But maybe it doesn't have much to do with her?  If it doesn't, maybe you could cut her a break and make an effort to be your sweet self when she is around.  If she is the reason you are so angry, the two of you need to work it out- and I don't mean a screaming match- for the sake of your children.