Why would some adoptive parents do this to their kids......?

Question

I can't wrap my head around it at all, it is so foreign to me, just having the ability to be so cruel to someone. She is by the way a successful and wonderful woman.

Answer 1

Wow.  That is all I can muster to say.  

I was adopted by my parents as an infant and you would never know I was not the natural child (aside from the fact that I don't look like them).  They treat me the same as their two natural children.  My mom was lead to believe that she could not have children and when I was three my sister came along.  They never treated me the way those pathetic excuses for parents treated their adopted daughter.

Answer 2

wow that is really sad!!! =[  I don't eve know y someone would do something like tht!! the parents obviously need some mental help!

Answer 3

There's no way of justifying that, or even understanding it.  No way at all.

Answer 4

That's really sad:(. I would never do that to any child. Mine or adopted or anything! It's cruel

Answer 5

people are sick.

Answer 6

Your story breaks my heart.  I wish there were a way to weed prospective adoptive parents out who view adoption as a last resort.  Your friend sounds like an amazing young woman that ANY mother would be honored to have her as a daughter.

As for her parents, i have words but i can't say them here.  Very low class and an embarrassment to the adoption community.

Answer 7

Wow.  I can't even..... wow.  That's truly unimaginable......

I think it would have been less traumatizing to simple "give her back".  At least then she would have had the chance to be raised by a family that loved and cared for her as their own.  Now she probably will always think that not only did her biological parents not want her (even though that may not be the case), but her adoptive parents also didn't want her.  That's just awful, awful, awful and the most heartbreaking thing I have ever heard.  That poor woman will never know what it feels like to be part of a loving family that she so rightfully deserved as a child.  Hopefully she'll find a great man and have her own loving family someday.  At least she has the perfect example of what NOT to do.

**Good for her!  I wish them the best of luck!  Please tell them I said so.

Answer 8

Just so.

There is no way to justify or excuse this behavior.  How awful for your friend!

Answer 9

It's sad and it's cruel and it's WAY too common

Answer 10

When people ask if I love my two children the same, one adopted, one biological, I say no...

  

I LOVE my adopted child because she is adopted. Because I met her with tears in my eyes at the airport. Because she is even tempered, athletic, and beautiful, because she has added an unimaginable dimension to my life that wouldn't have been there without her. I love her wit, her charm her intelligence. I love to look at her. NO ONE makes me feel the way she does! I love her for who SHE is.

    I LOVE my biological child because I gave birth to him. Because he and I have something neither one of us share with anyone else. Because he is a funny, smart handsome guy. Because he is a hard worker, a great athlete, a unique kid and a wonderful person. He has made my life full and fine and added a dimension there never would have been without him. NO ONE makes me feel the way he does! I love him for who HE is.

Both of my kids are unique and wonderful.  She is easy, he is harder, He is funny, she is more introspective, I can go on and on. Thank god they are different! Thank god they are mine.

People who adopt should know that there is more at stake with an adopted kid. The child must feel feel comfortable in so many ways, comfortable with their love of the adoptive family, and their love of their biological family, whether they come to know them or not (but that is another post)

those people you write about are commiting child abuse.

Answer 11

There is NO justification for treating their daughter in that manner. They obviously had not gotten over their infertility and adoption was a bandaid for them. That is horrible!!

Answer 12

Some people just shouldn't be parents. Unfortunately it's not just adoptive parents. My husbands parents are like this to my husband and both their child are biological.

My husband is 13 years older then his sister, and she was their miracle baby after they had been told they couldn't have more kids. They lavish her with thousands of dollars of gifts at Christmas, buy her new cars, etc. She is 22 and has never paid a bill in her life. They began charging him rent at 18 (he was still in high school), he had to pay for college, and they only spend about $50 on him at Christmas, etc, etc. And not to sound greedy as a $50 present (usually a sweater) would be fine if that was all they could afford or was the tradition, etc, but it is so painful to watch him sitting there watching his sister open present after present after present... after present. My husband is severely dyslexic, so this treatment began when he started elementary school and had to be held back. His parents considered him an embarassment and treated him as if he just chose to do poorly in school, all the while refusing to get him the pull out resources the teachers recommended. They really are not nice people. That experience has just cemented in my husband and myself that we will NEVER EVER let any of our kids adopted or biological (we have both) feel like that. It is a terrible thing to do.

I know another woman, a friend of my sisters, who treats her son very differently then her daughters because her son has a life threatening condition and is very fragile. She already lost one child to this condition. Its really hard for all of us to watch and those closer to her have tried to talk to her about it. I empathize with her situation, but feel so sorry for those girls. They need their mommy just as much as the little boy does. Shes really not a bad person, she just cannot see beyond her loss, pain and worry over her son to see what she is doing to her daughters. I fear one day she is going to wake up with a lot of regret for all she lost with her daughters.

Answer 13

These "parents" simply did not have the tools to be adoptive parents. Not everyone does. I have had several people tell me that they don't know how I do it because they could never love a child not biologically related  to them. These are all good people who are excellent parents, but they would not make very good aparents and I was actually glad they were honest with themselves about that.

How your friend's aparents treated her was deplorable and I very much hope they are deeply ashamed (even if they don't acknowledge it). I am glad that she hasn't let resentments get in the way of enjoying a great relationship with her brother.

Your friends grace, class and success are a testament to her strength and it's just a shame that her aparents are missing out on a wonderful person.

Answer 14

Becasue they are mental cases who should not have had kids in the first place.

Answer 15

That's horrible. Reminds me of Harry Potter and how badly he was treated compared to his cousin...

I don't mean to take the situation lightly-- it just seems so unreal that people would treat their family that way.

Edit-- i guess i get thumbs down for referencing literature?

edit again: thanks!  

:)

Answer 16

That's a sad story. I don't know why some people act the way they do. My son has been fighting for his son for over 3 years.  He found about the baby 2 days before birth and has been fighting every since, My son never lost his rights and the other day we went to pick him up 1500 miles away. And this couple who said on the stand thast they couldn't have children now have a daughter.  My grandson has adjusted great the last couple of days he knows his father (my son) and calls him dad. But this couple keep calling and wanting to take to the child like 6 times a day. We don't want him upset and can you believe this the man asked my grandson if he wanted to come back home to them and he said no I'll just stay here. What in the world has adoptions come to. I do beleive that in most cases it hurts the child when they are adopted unless they are told the truth about who their real parents are. If my grandson was returned to his father for good right now he would be fine. If it takes the courts longer and he get's older than I'm not sure

Answer 17

Wow.  I have heard of stepchildren being treated like this.  I guess it's really the same thing.  

People are just sick and cruel.  One day Karma's going to catch up to them.

Answer 18

If it is a true story, it is horrible and there is no justification for it.

Keep in mind, you are hearing only her side of the story and it may be imbellished for your sympathy.  My guess is that there are two sides to this story and the truth is somewhere in between.  All people are not honest.

Answer 19

Well in this sick case it was obviously because this woman wasn't their biological child. It doesn't surprise me, it happens alot but just never talked about in the glamorous world of adoption.

Answer 20

Thats called poor parenting, and this woman should not have been allowed to have kids. It's people like this that  drive children to drugs and drinking!

I sure would not allow her to adopt again.