Why would someone go to all the effort of adopting a child if they really did not want or like children?

Question

An earlier post got me thinking. What reasons could there possibly be for someone to go to all the trouble and expense of adopting a child only to not love him/her and to abuse him/her? Why?

How do they pass the homestudy?

Do they find out too late that parenthood is not what they thought it would be?

What should be done in these instances?

Thank you for your thoughts. (Yes, I know there are many good adoptive parents out there. This question is not about you guys, but anyone may answer)

Answer 1

Nobody in their senses would do it Julie. If by mistake, such a thing happened, it would be best to report them for child abuse, get the child restored to a proper Home & have it in safer hands.

Answer 2

i know! i cant believe some of the stories here, how and why does that happen?

one sweet girl said she wasnt allowed to come to christmas eve because they 'didnt have room"

what?!

every parent has days when the children are in a rough state and they have the brief fleeting moment of wanting out, but i know mine never last but a moment or two.

how do you willingly and knowingly bring a child into your home, raise them and then decide you no longer want them around?

it just kills me,  i dont get it

Answer 3

I've heard of instances where people adopt or "foster" children just so they can checks from the government. They could care less about the children themselves. For those people, they are ignorant and have no compassion..it makes me angry!

Answer 4

Power. Control. Revenge. Money.

There are lots of mentally ill people in this world. There are lots of genuinely decent people who try but don't succeed in being a good parent. There are lots of mistakes made. There are no guarantees. There are fools and idiots who end up in charge and end up with power.

Answer 5

Standing and clapping for Eve's answer above me!!

Seriously - a GREAT answer.

Thanks.

It makes me so very sad to hear all the bad adoptee stories - and I've heard a whole heap of them.

Sadly others often do not hear them - or do not WANT to hear them - as no one really wants to hear about the bad side of adoption.

There should be no monetary gain for anyone in adoption - and rules and regs should be government controlled.

Adoptees have gone through enough poo - to be up for adoption in the first place.

Adoptive parents should be checked and re-checked.

They have an incredibly important job to partake in - that of looking after a damaged child.

It should ALWAYS be about the best interests of the child.

Not about the adults.

Answer 6

hi julie.....i've always wondered that, i'm sure it happens, usually from people who have not done enough research into adoption, expecting it to be a straight forward procedure...only to realise too late, that their decision wasnt an informed one.

That is so sad, especially as some adopted kids have been through a lot of turmoil before they are eventually adopted out (the older ones) and have been pinning all their hopes on a better future....one they deserve, only to feel let down again both by their adopters and social services.

In these cases as in all adoption processes, the checks and home visits should not end , just because  the papers have been signed.

Answer 7

People feel obliged to have children. It is the "thing to do" if one is married and settled and society pressures couples to do so. Some people (not all) adopt because they cannot have biological children. These folks may have abused their biological children, too, or maybe there are aspects of the adoption that push them over the edge. Older child adoption often involves more difficult attachment issues, for example. Not that that makes it any less appalling.   An adoptive parent who abuses should be treated like any other abusive parent, I think. They should be reported to children's services and then made to satisfy a treatment plan in order to keep their children or get them back. (Taking the child out of the home should be the last resort in any situation because the child suffers the most in these cases. It's the 'back and forth' between foster care and home that really works harm on a child.)

Answer 8

I don't really know... but I do think maybe at some point in their lives they are looking for something that might make their lives whole... something that is fulfilling... sadly, they didn't find it while parenting an adopted child...

Answer 9

In my aparents' case it was about keeping up with the Joneses.  No kidding.  The neighbors and most of their siblings had 3 kids and they only 1.  My adoption happened pretty quickly once it was started, and they were ill prepared. For the rest of my life.  

Good times.