Why would someone try to make themselves appear "rich" when they're struggling?

Question

My husband's mom boasts about putting $6,000 down on a Toyota Prius. They're about $22,000 without financing. She just had a car repossessed in winter. Now she drives a mini van and took out a home equity loan that she still pays. She called my husband and asked him specific questions about skateboards including his shoe size. He was so excited and asked if she was buying one for his birthday. His birthday came and she gave him two $5 lotto tickets and a card. He felt disappointed but got over it.

His mother also makes it seem like she's doing really well off. Every time we see her, she has on a new pair of Nike sneakers (not cheap, at least $60 a pair) and new clothes. I check up on her payment history online (I set up an account a while back and told her to change the password, never has!) and she can barely make the minimum due on her utility bills, usually a few weeks after the due date. She is in such denial that she's not rich! No one should drive a luxury hybrid car if they are in that situation, so why is she boasting? My husband owns his own business and it seems she is in competition with him to see who brings home the most money monthly. She's the first to say we "blow our money" because she's mad that we have to spend our income to pay the bills instead of using an outside source (her boyfriend pays her bills for her sometimes) or spending it on frivolous things.

Answer 1

Because they never want to show people that they have failed or underachieved!!

Answer 2

she wants people to admire her for being rich. or maybe it gives her confidence that she feels shes better than others

Answer 3

It seems a shame she has to do this. She sounds like she has some money problems, and definately needs someone to help her think straight. I know my parents are struggling a bit financially at the moment, but no one knows because I always try to get nice clothes in the sales and branded stuff. The main reason why "poor" people don't like others knowing they're not very well off is because some people are very judgemental and don't think their parents are working hard if they're not very well off. Another reason is because they may feel embarassed at their lack of money, compared to their friends. I have a friend who is 2 years older than me (17) and her parents have already bought her a £40,000 ($80,000) top of the range Mini for her birthday, and she has yet to even started learning to drive. I don't pretend to be rich, because I'm not, but I do admit to sometimes trying to come across as if I have the same money as someone else average.

hope that helps--x

Answer 4

Regardless of the fact that you "set up" the account, why are you checking her private bank info? Clearly she sucks at managing her money, and there are some emotional issues surrounding that. Instead of talking sh** about her and snooping around, why not talk to her? If you really care about her, you or your husband might want to try sitting down and discussing this, maybe offering to help her figure out a better way to handle her finances. Although If I were her I wouldn't want to talk to someone who seems more focused on making me out to be a villain than genuinely caring about my well being, so maybe your husband should handle it.  

Answer 5

because we are a nation of consumers.  we have been taught by the media that we should be label whores when it comes to name-brand products.  it's all about living the american dream.  it's not longer about being intellectual but rather superficial.  God bless this mess also known as the U.S.

Answer 6

Sounds like shes completely insecure. Just don't bail her out if she goes bankrupt. Hitting rock bottom might be the best thing for her.

Answer 7

Pride...

1Jn 2:15  Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1Jn 2:16  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

j

Answer 8

I think you are correct that she is jealous and competitive. I think she has an issue with her own feelings of self-worth as well. I've known several people who portray themselves as more successful than they actually are and they all have "insecurity" as a common denominator.  

Answer 9

In my (poor) country I live in the Capital. And it's a real mess when people from province come here to study! They are all poor and don't have any money so, they grab our jobs in the cafes, discos, in the Faculty (assistants etc) and they even give sexual favors for money to older businessmen that are from my country or from Greece and the wealthier countries etc. So, what can I say.... That's it!

Answer 10

The sad point of this story is that his mother is actually jealous and in competition financially with her own son. She should be proud, yet she isnt.

It cant be explained why some people feel that they have to 'keep up with the Jones'. If it has got to the point that you are gonna lose it with her, you could always casually mention to her "remember when I set up your account online?  You never did change the password like  suggested."  If she has half a brain, she will see where you are coming from and learn to mind her business.  

Answer 11

Some people grew up having everything they wanted handed to them. Never learning the value of a dollar or seeing the bigger picture. They live for the now, with no worries. They see something they want, they buy it then and there.

Talk to your husband, has it always been this way? Perhaps you can help her, but don't go straight to her. You might offend her. Ask her, small questions like, "Wow, new shoes! How can you afford new shoes and still pay your bills? Have you set money aside for that?" And if that doesn't help, then yall might have to sit down and talk to her about it. She may get upset, but that's because yall are getting into her business. But your getting into her business because yall are worried, concern and love her.