Why would you invite more people to the reception than to the ceremony?

Question

I can understand some special circumstances, like if you eloped and wanted to celebrate it with family and friends afterwards. Or if the ceremony site only held a limited amount of people (still not sure about that one).

Things like destination weddings I thought that you should go ahead and invite everyone to both the wedding and reception back home, it's just that most wouldn't travel to the wedding anyways. But if you want an intimate wedding because you're a private or shy person, then why would you want a bunch more people at the reception. Do you automatically become un-private and not shy for the reception?

And I really don't get it when people say they do it to save money. The ceremony isn't the expensive part, the reception is. It would make more sense the other way around, invite more people to the ceremony but not the reception (which we all know is very rude and tacky).

To me, that's kinda rude to invite someone to the reception but not the wedding

Answer 1

I totally agree with you.... I, for one am keeping both to a minimum....

I think the important part is the ceremony, and those who don't bother to show for it and "be part" of the 'wedding' itself, have no business showing up later for the food/drinks/party afterwards (There are extreme exceptions, I can understand those....)

Other than the ceremony site only allows a certain number, and the destination weddings, like you stated, I can't see why people would do that....

I'm stumpped too....

Answer 2

Many people do it to get more gifts.

Answer 3

I personally would have nobody at the wedding except for witnesses to sign the registry, if I had the choice.  I do not like public speaking and that is essentially what it turns into if you have a bunch of people at the wedding.  A reception is a party - other than thanking everybody for coming, it is all small-group communication.  Has a completely different mindset.  

Saving money - yes, it costs hundreds of dollars in flowers and stuff to decorate a church or venue for a wedding. My wedding budget is $600-800 less because I am getting married a few days after Christmas as the spaces are already decorated.   If you only have intimate family and friends, you don't need to deal with all of that.  In addition, if there is a time and distance issue, it won't affect the majority of the attendees at the reception.

If we decide to go with the restaurant for both wedding and reception, I am right at the edge for the number of people that can comfortably fit in the wedding room.  Plenty of room for the reception however.  However, my ceremony is going to be very short.  

I've been to at least 6 weddings where the wedding was privaate, but everybody was invited to the reception.  3 were courthouse weddings.  1 was a tiny chapel that could only fit 20 people and could only be reached by sleigh (his parents were married there).  They had a reception many miles away for 200.  One was during the weekday, so private wedding in the am. and reception in the evening when people could be off work and attend.

I've also been to a lot of weddings where not everybody invited to the wedding was also invited to the reception, including myself.  I knew when I told them I was coming that I wasn't attending the reception.  I figured space/money was an issue, so it doesn't matter.  If people think that's rude or tacky, clearly, they probably don't care for that person that much.

Answer 4

I know,that is pretty rude.

Answer 5

In the Uk, common practice is that you invite your closest people to the ceremony which is followed by a formal 'sit down' reception with speeches, cutting the cake etc. This is then followed by a less formal evening reception to which you invite everone you would like to help you celebrate your day.

The formal reception is the expensive part and this is what is restricted if you have a limited budget, therefore you invite more people to the less formal evening reception.

Does this make sense?

Answer 6

I've only heard of this when the bride and groom have a destination wedding, or a small private ceremony.  So I have no idea why someone would just randomly invite certain people to the ceremony and then more people to the reception.

In fact they really should not do this.  I have however heard of people having an open or public ceremony, where anyone and everyone is invited.  But then have a smaller private reception.

Answer 7

I think some people see it as an intimate thing and don't want a big crowd gawking at them.  Its not that they're shy in general, but the focus is 100% on them the whole time and they may cry or trip where in a reception, there are many things going on.  They will be baring their hearts and may not want their office pals watching that.  Plus, cutting it down may allow them to choose a small facility and reduce the chance of late arrivals or crying babies.  Also, they don't have to worry about transportation between the ceremony and reception.  Some people figure the reception is the fun part anyway.

Also,  I believe Mormons getting married in their temple cannot have non-Mormons attend.  I had a friend who was asked to be a bridesmaid but would only be welcome at the reception (still had to get the dress and everything).

Answer 8

I have never heard of that, but I can only assume that people do that because they just want very close friends and family at the ceremony so its small personal, but then everyone else can come to party after.  I am really not sure, that's just a guess :)

Answer 9

Not everyone is willing to publicly open their hearts for just anyone to witness.  Some people may not feel comfortable crying in front of others, etc.  Closed intimate ceremonies are extrememly common.  Most people (guests) care more about the reception than the ceremony anyway--and in probably about half the cases, only go to the reception when invited to the wedding.  The reception is the party. The celebration.  The fun time.  The ceremony is much more somber, and some people just want to keep it that way.

Answer 10

To be really honest, the whole thing is rude. I think that if your going to fork over the dough to go to the reception, then should be invited to the wedding, and its true most people do not even show up to the wedding and just the reception, but you should still have to option. It sounds like whoever this is, is simply trying to get more gifts. I know that sounds harsh, but true. Which brings me to my next point, why do we spend so much money on a big wedding when we could go and save money by getting all our gifts for ourselves. GOOD LUCK, sound crappy whoever that is.

Answer 11

Some people want a very private ceremony because they'll be using certain religious or cultural rituals that other people might not understand. Rather than having to explain themselves or risk making their guests uncomfortable, they often choose to have people around them who are already familiar with their religion or cultural requirements for marriage.

As to the shy factor, some brides and/or grooms get nervous at thinking about all those people watching her walk down the aisle and it's positively a killer for them. But they may do much better in a party situation where it's not so bad. That's quite common.

They may want a small ceremony to accommodate certain family members who cannot for whatever reason tolerate being in large crowds. Elderly persons, children with highly specialized needs, etc would fall into this category.

As for the money excuse, there could be some logic to that. Perhaps the couple want to be married in a special place that costs only X amount for a small group of people. But if they needed more space (like in a museum or at a church where they would need the sanctuary instead of a chapel), the additional space would cost more, plus there are often other costs associated with having larger crowds such as parking attendants, security, etc.... costs that very small gatherings wouldn't incur.

Without knowing the specific reasons behind having more attend the reception instead of the ceremony, it's hard to say for sure that couples are being rude but I would bet that most are trying to accommodate special needs of some sort.

Hope that helps. :-)

Answer 12

I am having about 3 times as many people invited to my reception than are invited to the wedding.  I certainly think it's better than the other way around, and from talking to people I have found that they usually understand when someone wants a private ceremony.  I guess we technically fall into one of the "excepted" categories...In any case, I will try to explain the circumstances that have led us to make such a decision.  We certainly do not intend to offend anyone!!

I was never one of those girls to plan a wedding.  If I ever considered getting married as I grew up, I imagined a VERY small affair - either just the two of us in a courthouse with the witnesses they have on hand or a very small, unconventional wedding with only immediate family present.  My fiance, however, has always imagined a more traditional wedding, with a formal reception following.  He wants to share the event with many family and friends.  

When we started planning our wedding together, I agreed that we could have a more traditional ceremony, and that we could invite *some* family and friends.  Our original guest list was ~50 people.  However, as soon as his parents got to start adding guests (both sets of parents are contributing money to the wedding), we realized that we were not going to get the small wedding I had hoped for.  Since my fiance was not opposed to his parents' requests, I agreed that we could stretch our guest limit to 100...and then eventually to 150.  In the back of my mind, I was regretting this decision - especially as we have taken great pains to really personalize our ceremony and I don't know many of the guests that his parents are inviting.  Although I am generally a friendly, outgoing person, I tend to get very shy and awkward in group situations when I do not know a majority of the people there.

Fate, then, seemed to intervene when we discovered that the ceremony room would only hold a maximum of 80 or so people.  Since the wedding ceremony itself is only going to take about 20 minutes, I did not see the point of holding the ceremony in the ballroom and changing it over for our reception -- the changeover would take longer than the ceremony!  I used this as my opportunity to get more of the wedding ceremony that I actually want, while compromising with my fiance's parents.  We have agreed that only family members and the wedding party would attend the ceremony, while everyone would get an invitation to the reception.  This brings our total for the wedding ceremony to ~50 people, although our reception list is still pretty large.  None of us are completely happy with this arrangement (I have some very good friends that I would *LOVE* to have at the wedding ceremony, but my FMIL would literally throw a fit anytime we tried to pare down the guest list without specific boundaries -- hence the "family" requirement.  Likewise, my FMIL is upset that her girlfriends don't get to come to the ceremony, even though I have never met them and my fiance does not know them well).  

I am quite nervous about the reception, as I will not know MANY of the people that are getting invited, so this is not a matter of becoming "un-private and not shy for the reception"  -- instead, it is a matter of compromising with all those involved in the wedding planning process.  I have explained to a few of my close friends that I cannot invite them to the wedding ceremony - although we are all disappointed, they seem to understand, and are glad that they still get to come celebrate with us immediately afterward at the reception.  

It's certainly not an ideal situation, and I guarantee that we are neither saving money nor doing these things to get more gifts.  Honestly, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have that many people invited, period.  However, my fiance and his parents feel quite the opposite.  Compromise is a requirement in life, and certainly in marriage.  I want my wedding to be a happy affair for everyone involved - but I certainly do not want to feel awkward at my own wedding ceremony!  I think that inviting everyone to the reception while allowing us to have a smaller ceremony was the best compromise that we could come up with, since my fiance turned down my suggestion that we elope.  =P

I can imagine that people have a lot of reasons for doing the things they do when planning a wedding - just try not to judge unless you know all the facts.  According to some news article I read a few weeks ago, planning a wedding is listed among the top 5 most stressful life events, and I'm starting to understand why!!

Answer 13

My mother was invited to a wedding last summer, but wasn't invited to the reception.  I think it was because the family of the bride knows she doesn't like being in a crowd, but wanted her to be a part of the celebration of the couple's union.

But as far as inviting a person to the reception and not to the wedding ceremony doesn't really make much sense.  After all, the wedding ceremony cost does not raise per guest, that is only true for the reception.