Whys it so hard?

Question

im 14 and i have a stepdad tht wants 2 adopt me. hes the only father tht ive ever known. hes been in mi life since i was 18 months old. mi real dad stayed in mi life till i was 3 or 4. i waas in contact with his family for a while then they just quit all contact. but the last time mi mom tlkd 2 his sister she said th it was best if i was just outta his life. it kinda hurt me 2 hear tht. mi moms been upfront with me bout the whole thing. mi stepdads bn tryn 2 adopt me for a while now. i get along with hem. i love hem like a dad. everytime it comes up i give a different exuse.like i dnt want 2 change mi last name in the middle of the skewl year. or i just blow it off. i dnt rly no wat the reason is. why is it so hard for me 2 let hem????

Answer 1

It sounds as if you are conflicted about what you want. Your mind might say that there is no reason your step dad shouldn't adopt you -- but your heart says no, I still want that connection to my real dad.

I think you should listen to your heart. No matter how much you love your step dad, your real dad is still your dad also. And it is natural to want to keep that tie to him. That is your true identity. Even though it is very sad for you that he is not in your life now, that is still who you are. And you can love your step dad just as much whether or not he adopts you.

I don't know, maybe part of you thinks that if you keep his name and do not get adopted by your stepdad, that your dad will come back around? And you know what, that might even be true, who can tell. I do hope he gets his life together and you can really connect. I know you know this, but I'll tell you again: his being out of the picture is NOT about you or anything wrong with you. It is all about him and I hope he can turn himself around. You sound like a great person and anyone should be honored to be your parent.

Just tell your step dad (or maybe have your mom tell him), that you love him very much and will always think of him as your dad -- but you want to keep your legal tie to your real dad. Just tell him the truth in a straightforward way. I'm sure he'll be disappointed, but I bet he will understand also.

Best wishes to you!

Answer 2

Your name is part of your identity. It also sounds like you still need your real dad. It is hard to understand sometimes what adults do and why; just to clarify I am an adult. I feel bad that your biological father is not in the picture anymore. He will realize the mistake he has made and I hope at that time you can love and forgive him for the way he left you. As far as your step-dad; if you do not want to be adopted by him, share your feelings with him. You do not necessarily have to have his last name for him to be a good role model or father to you. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Seems like it is just hard for you to accept that your biological father is out of the picture.  Talk about it with someone.

Answer 4

You don't need to change your  name for him to adopt you. If that is really important to you, then talk to him about it. The positive here, is that this man, cares about you and considers you his daughter.  He must love you a bunch! I hope your situation turns out well for you....remember, it's important to talk to him and your mom, to tell them all that you are feeling, and don't be afraid to hurt his feelings with your opinions, he's an adult, and should be able to undersand where you are coming from.

Answer 5

I believe what needs to happen for you to be adopted by your stepfather is that your bio father must be willing to relinquish parental rights.

I know it's not the best second option, but your stepfather could adopt you as an adult, when you turn 18.  That would be a decision between you and your stepfather.  It's generally a simple matter of filing a form with the Clerk of Courts and paying a filing fee.  

Best of luck.