Wierd New Stepmother - HELP PLEASE?

Question

So my father got remarried.. I had never meet or spoke to my stepmother before (she lived far away) but finally the day has came now, she arrived today and she was slightly different than me and my sisters expected.. She is deadly quiet. She doesn't speak much. She doesn't start simple conversation with me or my sisters (it's so awkward being there when it's silent).I try to start a conversation she gives me one word answers in a very un-lively no engery can't be bothered way. And thats all she done today.

Dinner time - She does not know the simplest manners. I am always helping out in the kitchen she doesn't help to get the plates lay the table etc she just sits there reading some leaflets.( Rude )

She follows my dad around 24 - 7 and I don't feel she is putting any

effort to bond with us at all, it's been a day and she has hardly said anything to us.

Shes 32 and she speaks really quiet but i've heard her speak louder when on the phone. What is wrong here? Advice Please?

Answer 1

what's weirder is your father married someone that he never even introduced to his own children. how does he expect anyone to feel comfortable around eachother? the whole situation is insane. i would say, sit down with your dad and ask him what you can all do to break the ice, ask him why he didn't introduce you to this woman and tell him how uncomfortable you feel. it is not your job to make this woman happy. if she acts like this forever then just take some distance. it is perfectly fine. i would question any woman who marries a man and doesn't push to meet his family first. she sounds like some strange mail-order bride who is not interested in his life as much as her security. good luck, try not to stick your nose in their relationship but you are not out of bounds to tell your dad how you feel about this new addition thrust on you with no sense whatsoever.

Answer 2

it really is normal. she needs to get used to you too like you need to get used to her . in a while shell be like a real mother

Answer 3

Tell your dad you think she is dangerous

Answer 4

She probably just nervous. I had 5 step moms and they all acted the same way

Answer 5

Hi.  The first thing you need to think about is that this is the first day you are around each other.  I'm sure she is nervous.  This is all new for her too.  Its very nice of you and your sisters to talk to her or start small conversations.  Just keep that up and she will open up a little more each time.  It makes sense for her to follow your dad around, she knows him and she is comfortable with him already.  Just take one day at a time and be yourself around her and things will start to be easier in the house with her there.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

It's just her personality. Deal with it.  

Answer 7

The best thing you can do is understand her position.  Here is a woman taking on the potential role of mother towards someone else's children.  This can be outrageously frightening.  She is probably unsure of what to say, how to act, where to stand, sit or cry.  In not helping serve dinner makes me think that she didn't know whether or not she should.  I would bet you a lot that she is like this in all new scenarios.  I doubt she is being rude as much as she is being cautious.

If I were you, I would pull Dad aside tonight and just ask, 'Is Sharon always like this?  I am wondering why she won't talk to us.  I would hope that she's not too nervous.  Could you talk to her and let her know that we won't bite?'  

Perhaps a talk with your dad might calm her a bit.  Her following him everywhere is a HUGE sign that she is scared stiff.  She is attaching herself to the person she knows.

I would suggest tomorrow just playing nice with her.  'Wow, that's a cute top'.  'Hey, Sharon, can you grab that plate for me?'  'What's your favorite food?  Maybe we can try to make it one night.'  'Want to watch TV with us?  We can make popcorn'.  Simple things like this just help relax someone.  Even if she is grating on your nerves, just smile and be nice.  She needs reassurance right now, not criticism.

But hey, it's a good sign that you guys were welcoming to her today.  Good luck there!!  :)