Wife Wants More Kids...?

Question

My wife is already wanting to have another baby. We already have twins who are very young, they are turning 1 in December. We aren't having any trouble raising the twins but it think it may be too early to have another baby; however, my wife thinks our kids should be close in age. I'm not quite sure what to do.

Answer 1

I always say 2 years apart is a good spacing. I have 4 kids...7, 4, 22months and 3months. The last two are just too close for me. I've never had twins, but adding a third child is definitely a big change. I think you should enjoy your twins for a few more months and then start trying. Then my advice would be to stop at 3...4 is very crazy!

Answer 2

i think it s a great idea because usually when you grow older you want to have time to travel and do stuff and your kids are grown up so you don't have to worry and yeah its nice to have siblings your age or close

Answer 3

Me and my brother are twins and my mum totally lost her nere with us. Now it mgith be easy with twins but wait till they get older!

There will be a constant attention craving of both at the time, they will say that you prefer the other one and they will definitely make more troble than normal sibelings.

I remember me and my brother, we were horrible. We playd pranks all the time when we were little and always wanted everything top be focused on ourselfes and not on the other twin.

Tell you wife no more kids for a few years. Also, try to talk to her about the reasons why she wants annother baby so soon.

Answer 4

Just explain that you're not saying no to another baby, but would like to wait a while before having more. Being close in age doesn't garentee they're be close relationship wise, which is why most people want kids with that kind of age difference.

It'll be 10x easier if you wait another 2-3 years before having more. My husband and I have a 6yr, a 16m and twins who are 8wks old. It's SUCH A CHALLENGE, having 3 kids in diapers, 3 kids needing your attention all the time, 3 kids who don't sleep through the night, 3 kids in cribs etc.

Trust me and wait. Explain the challenges to her.

Answer 5

Just do it, if you know there are going to be more then just DO IT. I had mine all close together and there is no denying it was tough but let me tell you it was the smartest thing i have ever done. There are downfalls of waiting too and maybe you need to think about those as well. I say do it, i tell everyone i know to just do it... because all i can say is its just worth it when that last becomes a little independant and you can just sit back and enjoy being a parent. It would be hard to have kids starting school and carrying a baby around every with you... much better to have them all home bonding, getting to know one another.... it really makes a difference.

Answer 6

Tell her not for a few more years.Tell her the twins keep her hopping now,wait until they can walk good and start getting to where they can reach or climb THEN she will really be hopping trying to keep up.

Answer 7

So you think it's too early or you don't think it's too early? Only YOU can decide what is too early for YOU. We're not going to be raising your munchkins...you and your wife are.

Personally, I think it's too early. My husband and I have a 14m son and are due with twins in Sept-Oct. Our home is Babyville and our first floor could be the front cover of a Childproof advertisement. We have now 3 cribs and 3 carseats etc. We're going to have 3 BABIES in the house! It's a lot to handle and they're not even born yet.

Take the time to enjoy the little ones you have and wait a few years before adding more. Like someone else said, being close in age doesn't mean they're going to be best of friends.

Answer 8

I will tell you that when my oldest hit one, I got that urge!  My baby was now a toddler and something just came over me and I NEEDED to have another baby!  SO...baby #2 was born when my oldest was 25 months old.  When #2 was 15 months, that urge hit again.  My hubby wanted to wait and I couldn't understand why!!  We compromised (meeting eachother half way) and #3 was born just before #2's 4th bday.  I haven't had that urge since!

Talk with your wife.  Tell her why you want to wait and see if the two of you can't come to an agreement on when to start again.  A good thing to mention is trying to space birthdays!  My kids are late Sept, Nov, and Dec.!  We have holidays mixed with birthdays and winter is chaotic for us.  

Answer 9

you need to communicate this to your wife.  if you want to wait and she doesn't, then its usually best to wait.  i think children should be brought into the world by two people who are wanting children (not that you dont want children, you just dont want them now).  maybe you should tell this to your wife.    

Answer 10

I've actually heard that the recommended age difference between siblings is 2 - 3 years.  Chances of your wife getting pregnant right away are pretty slim, so let's say she got pregnant by December...when she had the baby the twins would be just a couple of months shy of their two year birthday.  That's not bad.

Lots of women want to "get it over with" - as harsh as that sounds, it isn't meant harsh.  It's just that they want to go ahead and get the next being pregnant time out of the way.

Medically they say a woman should wait at least a year before getting pregnant again in order to give their bodies time to recuperate from the first pregnancy.  But like I said...she may not get pregnant again right away, so it could be February or March before she was actually expecting again...

If she's nursing there's still nothing to worry about...see this website for information: http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/pre...

I don't know if it sounds like you don't WANT to yet as much as it sounds like you aren't sure for whatever reason if it's too soon, which is why I'm answering this way...to let you know that medically, it's fine.

Some people like the idea, too, of having all babies in diapers at once.  It's a handful but it's over at about the same time as well, which is a blessing.

Having all of your children around the same age is NOT, as one answer suggested, a guarantee that they'll get along and be instant playmates...but having them a few years apart isn't either...and I do believe the odds are good that they will play together and get along fine...probably better than when an older child views the younger child as a nuisance, really.

As for the 'hands full' aspect...If the twins are up and running around as 3 or 4 year olds, it definitely makes it harder to 'keep up' when you're having to hold a new born.  That also applies for keeping the twins settled when trying to get the baby to sleep.  If you have them close together then they'll all be RUNNING pretty close to each other and you can run after all of them without the hindrance of having a baby to care for.  Also the sooner you have their sibling the less chance of the jealousy aspect you'll have from a toddler, with the twins suddenly feeling outed due to the attention the baby needs...they won't know any different or remember not having the new baby around.

I guess my point is that there are a lot of reasons to go ahead and do it now.  No medical reason not to.  And so if you aren't against it, then I would go ahead and consider it, if I were you.  But if you have other reasons than the medical aspect or the 'hands full' aspect then those you'll have to share with your wife...or with us for a more accurate answer! ;)

Good luck with whatever you choose! :)

Answer 11

nothing wrong with them being close in age.  they will be close and have the same group of friends.  Just remember that when college comes around then you will have 3 tuition's to pay for.

Answer 12

you should enjoy the children you have. another baby means less time with the twins.

Answer 13

Sit down together and weigh the pros and cons of now vs. later.  Some PROS:  1. less baby stuff to buy

         2.  they'll go to the same school together

         3.  they'll have more in common

         4.  parenting kids of the same age group may be easier than      having an infant and school aged children- routine wise, regarding mental and emotional abilities and how you respond, etc.

         5.  the whole brood is ready for new experieneces such as extra-cirricular activities, vacations, etc. at roughly the same time

CONS:  1. the twins may resent a new baby when they still want so much of your attention

         2.  three small children will be draining! Imagine a typical outing and discuss how it would play out.

         3.  all the children's early years may pass by in such a blur of activity that you both don't have time to reflect on them (having seven years between our first and second children was an eye-opener for us! mostly good)

        4.  you don't feel ready.

        5. a few years spacing will allow each child to have more of your time- consider a toddler at home while the twins are in school, etc.

I am sure you could both think of many more and by discussing them you could decide what is most important to you both.  Ultimately children are the responsibilty of two parents so you should both be on-board before you go ahead.  Good Luck!

Answer 14

I think it has partly to do with how old you are.  If you are approaching the magic 35, then serious consider adding to your family.  If you are 21, then there is still a lot of time.  Having kids 10 years apart, puts them in a different zone with each other, they never have a connection growing up.  Closer to each others age,can be much better.

Answer 15

I think you should seriously talk some more. Honestly talk some more.

Just before my elder twins turned 2, we started trying to conceive and it was successful.

Then on our 20 week scan, guess what we found out. Yup twins again.

R & C were born at 35 week gestation, and it was the hardest time of my life, and I am being honest. I was in hospital with them full time, while they were in NICO and trying to be a Mummy to the other boys, who were at the other end of the State. I had to travel because I was so ill, and the babies needed a better hospital.

So for a good 2 months I was stuck 3 hours away from my elder sons.

At the same time as this happened, we became Guardians of our Godson, now our Eldest son. So I went from 2 to 5 sons, in a matter of months.

R & C are 5 months now, and we are all back at home, but it is one of the most mentally testing times of my life. I've been ill on and off since labour, because it took so much out of me.

My youngest had bowel problems, and I never sleep more than 2-3 hours a day. I am in and out of specialists, with 3 of my children. I am tired, and I don't know when the last time I had a coffee in peace was.

I love each one of my 5 sons, but I really wished we had waited another year before falling pregnant again.

You never know when you fall pregnant what lays ahead. Your twins sound like great kids, my elder boys weren't anything like their younger brothers. BUT your babies aren't even walking, and that brings another set of troubles of it's own. :)

Plus I know from experience, Doctors don't like you to fall pregnant within the first 12months of having twins. I gave birth naturally and the same rules applied to me.

Just think of all the what ifs before you say yes.

It is a huge mental strain having your kids so close together. Mine have 2.5 year gabs in between, and I know I am still feeling it. I love them all, but I get overwhelmed.

Plus you say money isn't a problem. It wouldn't have been a problem for us either. BUT the huge jump from 2 to 5, medical bills, then my Husband hurt himself, lost his job, and so on. Just really think about it.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 16

I think you should talk to you wife about this..not a bunch of peope you dont know...buuuut...since you asked..

Its awesome to have siblings and kids..what ever..close together in the long run once they get alittle older ther like BEST freinds the closer the better yeah it'll be hard but worth it! but if you dissigree on waiting or having more...then I think you should wait..its safer that way..good luck!

Answer 17

Tell her if she never wants another waking or sleeping hour to herself then having another baby with 1 yr old twins is great.

I have two girls that are 19 months apart & it was the most hellish experience ever.  Don't get me wrong I adore my children but having them so close in age is like a daily marathon.  I never had time to even go to the restroom alone & looked like a skeleton from never having time to eat.  

Just because you don't have trouble out of the twin now doesn't mean adding another one so close in age won't change it all.  Having toddlers with a newborn is just exhausting unless you have a nanny or you, the husband, are at home alot to be able to help.  While you are tying to teach the toddlers how to behave, walk, eat, potty train, difuse temper tantrums you are having to fit it newborn feedings every 2 hours, diapers, relentless screaming & crying, colic, etc.

For your own sake & hers, wait until the twins are about 3 yrs old and past all the basic learning stages before you have another one.

Keeping them close in age doesn't mean they will bond together & be best buds.  My two are ALWAYS fighting.  I'm divorced and we split them up for my ex's summer visitation so they get a break from each other and we get a break from the constant fighting.

DONT DO IT !!!

In addition:

KMS spoke that something came over her when her baby turned one and she just NEEDED to have another child.  This is a common feeling that happens psychologically because Mom is not wanting to let go of the baby's babyhood because at age one is when they start being more independent.  Having another baby brings back the babyhood.  Also in some cases it's because women like getting the attention that being pregnant & having a newborn gets them.  By the time baby is 1 year the mesmirization and  adoration of family & strangers begins to wear off.  Have you noticed in stores & restaraunts how everyone fawns over a newborn but grimaces at loud, meddlesome, temper tantrum throwing toddlers?