Wife allows teenage guys to flirt with her. Is this ok?

Question

My wife is constantly texting our daughter’s friends male and female, and allows teenage boys to call her beautiful, and make other flirty comments. She even had one guy send a message on Myspace to our 14 year old daughter that he thought she (my wife) was hot. I felt this was cruel to our daughter since she has a “secret” crush on this particular guy. Our daughter already has a self esteem issue, and this incident didn’t help any. My wife is 37 years old, and I have told her that she needs to be more of an adult figure and to stop acting like she is one of our children’s friends. I have told her that she is asking for trouble by allowing young boys talk to her in this matter, and that she should explain to them that she is not “one of the guys” so to speak. I am starting to think that she is having some type of mid-life crisis or trying to relive her younger years. I know this type of behavior is not normal, but how can I tell her that this is harmful to all parties involved?

Answer 1

tell your wife that if you were in your daughters shoes, you would think that she is the worst mother on earth.

i would HATE to have your wife as a mother........sorry no offence

i was about to cry when i heard this!!

tell your daughter that she is soo much more important and that her mother is going through a midlife crises and is absoloutley hopeless.

wow i feel soooo sorry for your daughter.....tell her everything will be over soon!!!!!

Answer 2

h**l NO!

Answer 3

Dear Cougar Husband:

This is serious.  This will become more of an issue if left 'un-checked.'  Your wife's inappropriate behavior can stem from her own low self esteem or in adult terms, low self-worth.  You have sought advice but in actuality you have already articulated the best way to handle the situation.  If you continue to find that your wife is determined to do things her way and ignore your advice as her spouse, you may need to take other drastic measures.

The responsibility you now have as a parent is to keep communication open with your daughter, if only a way to monitor your wife.  Your wife may need counseling and not because she's crazy but partly due to her refusal to see this behavior is not socially acceptable for someone her age.  Tell her should this continue and she not seek professional help, you WILL for her and as a result may need to dissolve the relationship between you two.  I am not advocating for divorce, but something will need to shake, rattle, and roll her to the core to see this is not a laughing matter.

Try to spend quality time with your wife.  Have you stopped "courting" her?  Do you work a lot?  Are you romantic and intimate enough?  These are all questions to explore and could be indicators of her boredom within the marriage you 2 share.  Her behavior is 'attention-seeking'-- so to be present with that means to ask yourself as her spouse what roll have you played to ensure she feels loved and wanted daily.

There is a road to recovery but you must be consistent and honest on all levels about the 'root' problem.  Even a cougar can be tamed.

Good luck!

Answer 4

That's intense. lol i always complement my girlfriends mother because she is beautiful but i certainly do not text her. You need to explain to her that it's not right, tell her to do it for your daughter if shes having self esteem issues.  

Answer 5

Perhaps the best way is exactly the way you just explained it, here.  Tell her the truth about how this is not very mature of her to do this, and why.  Tell her about the kind of trouble this is causing to everyone - including to you.  If necessary [and it looks as if it really is], then get professional marriage counseling.

While you are at it, you might want to consider getting a software program that limits or restricts what sites your wife goes on, like McAfee Internet Security Suite.  There, you can allow or block specific sites and even set times for internet access, etc.  You may have to do it, if she is unwilling to see it your way.  Just don't buckle under pressure.  If she is texting by cell phone, then take it away from her.  Sounds crazy and maybe "immature", but isn't her behavior "immature" as well?

Answer 6

Before I say this, I want to make it very clear that I do not condone doing this to children. But the way I would handle her if I were a man in your position is a good hard spanking (in the absence of the children). However, before I would execute the spanking, I would talk to her and tell her how I felt about the behavior but also that I love her very much and don't like it that her behavior could rip the family apart. Then I would wait for a promise she would stop. If I didn't get that, she would take a trip over my knee for a meeting with my hand.

Answer 7

she needs to-grow-up...stop paying the text bill ..she'll get the message....  

Answer 8

Well to start she is being completely disrespectful to you and your daughter to do one thing-Boost her own ego. Sad really. In some ways you have let it get this far though, you should have put your foot down when it first started. If she respects her family at all she will start wanting your attention and lay off the little boys.

Answer 9

She has some serious issues. What kind of mother would do that to her daughter. Girls are very tender at the age of 14, and for a girl that already has self esteem issues, is your wife trying to break her spirit.  

Answer 10

my girl friend mother also extremely beautiful. many times i teased my girl friend on this. My love is always on my gf. Rest of girls/woman are just nothing to me. But my eyes cont stop looking them.

Tell your wife about your daughter, as a mother she should be knowing what she has to do.

Answer 11

that's a tough one, yes it might be a mid-life crisis, she might be thirsty for attention, maybe subconsciously she's trying to tell you that she wants more spark in your relationship? i'm not sure but again, its an attention thing and i dont think she realizes that shes actually hurting your daughter by doing so, she might jsut think of it as a little fun, you might consider jsut sitting down with her one night when the kids are not home and having a serious adult talk, remember, do not be rude or raise your voice, jsut be confident and serious so she knows that you really mean what your saying, and maybe not jsut talk to her about how its effecting the kids but also yourself, tell her if this behavior is hurting you.  relationships are based on being open and truthful with your partners, so do that. and listen to her reason for doing so too...hope this helps good luck!

Answer 12

Joseph my friend, there is only one logical answer for your question... one word... NO.

If I were you, I would have a nice long talk with your wife.. not one of those short, "ok, it really makes me feel" no.... don't do that... that's just a redundant way to make yourself fail, yet again, at setting her strieght....

No, I'm talking about a long, meaningfull "get your head strieght, you're 30 for christ's sake" sort of talks.... she needs to see that she's in the wrong, and nipping this one in the bud would do you and her a lot of good... not to mention your daughter...

If you want, just send me an email, k pal?