Wife is angry and sad all the time what can I do to fix the situation?

Question

She is always complaining and yelling at me or the kids about one thing or another. She seems to get no joy out of anything anymore. I would say she is in a foul mood about 90 percent of the time.

I have asked her what I am doing to make her life miserable. Of course, the answer is it's not you it's my issues, it's just how I am. I have asked her to speak to someone professionally and she nearly bit my head off.

What is the next realistic step, any thoughts?

Answer 1

She really does need to see a professional.  It sounds to me like she suffers from depression (and maybe even more).  I'm sorry I don't have any ideas on how to get her to do it since she seems already set on the fact that she is not going.  Maybe try to convince her that lots of people get depressed (especially after having kids) and it doesn't mean she is any less of a person.  If she absolutely won't hear anything about it just try to make her life as stress-free as possible.

Answer 2

She sounds both anxious and depressed.

I agree with you, she needs to see a psychiatrist for some anxiolytics and anti-depressants.  She's in denial and repressing her stress, like a pressure-cooker and just explodes.

The next step would be to give her some space without forcing the confrontation.  At the same time, let her know that you're open to talking about the subject, even if it makes both of you slightly uncomfortable. Often, people facing distressing issues fear that those close to them will be unable to cope and will abandon them. So, make sure your she  knows you're available, no matter what happens. Ultimately, this may give  her the security needed to move forward and take action.

Offer support and empathetic listening. Don't try to force her to seek treatment, which could lead to angry confrontations. Offer to meet together with a doctor or mental health provider. Try not to unleash angry emotions on your wife.

If the impasse remains, consider counseling for yourself so that you can cope better with your distress and frustration

Answer 3

If you love her..offer her Professional help...Psychiatrist...

If she loves you and the kids, she will accept...

We all need help sometimes, none of us like being UGLY.....HUGS!!

Answer 4

You need to have a "heart to heart" discussion with her or else things will not improve. You have taken the first step which is quite admirable... Express your genuine concern for her well being and your families as her behaviour is affecting everyone. She needs someone to talk to and to release everything which is causing the outbursts. Laying everything "out on the table" will be the first step in her healing process. She is your partner and she should be able to talk to you about anything! Listening to her problems/issues in an open and understanding way could just be the first step! and could do wonders for your relationship!!! Best Wishes...

Answer 5

Talk to her close friend/sister/brother about what's going on.  Maybe you'll get an answer or at least confirmation that they to have recognized the change in her.  If so, do an intervention with them.

You can find a time when she is reasonable, and try again to get her to seek help.  

You can take her on directly, only this time not asking what you are doing wrong or backing down when she bites.  Tell her that it being her issue is bs.  It is your issue, it is the kids issue, it is a family issue because she is seriously hurting everyone.  Tell her she needs to go along with couples counselling, get a therapist of her own, or see a psychiatrist because something is seriously wrong and she needs to take ownership and steps to deal with it.  I'd drive the point that she is hurting her own children (since that's as you posted and it IS a big deal).  You can't make her do anything, but you can decide whether the environment is healthy for your children.

Sometimes people need to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer to get it that something is seriously wrong and that they can and need to do something about it.  So says someone who had something like the above lecture.  It was effective.