Wife is cheating? HELP?

Question

My wife admitted to me a few hrs ago after i produced evidence that she is havn a releationship with this guy at the church me n her go to. Him and her have been working on productions in church till 3 am twice last week. At first she denied but after i told her about the texts she admitted that its only emotional and not physical.She accepted to tell him in her own words " this friendship and closeness has to stop cause I am married n you have a girlfriend." DO YOU THINK SHE WILL TELL HIM? OR CONCEAL IT BETTER NOW THAT SHE KNOWS I HAVE PHONE RECORDS BEING MAILED? She and He have been texting each other all the time n shes been erasing the evidence. This is a guy i know n i know his gf too.Should i let the pastor know? should i let his gf know?

Should i let her go an address the issue with him, or should i also have a word with my wife and him together.?

Answer 1

Well two options do all the things you just said tell gf pastor etc but where will that get you exactly nowhere, you need to speak quite clearly with your wife and tell her that if she doesnt break off this emotional cheating then you will be leaving her, then you have to trust her and start working on why she went looking for some emotional support elsewhere

Answer 2

she's messen with you maaannn!!

gold digger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

You tell her ALL contact with this guy STOPS NOW!

That is ALL contact.

She must agree to marriage counseling.

With a therapist not the pastor.

Do not tell his GF or pastor it is none of their business.

Frankly your pastor will tell you that church is where sinners belong and will not address the real issue which is why she would stray  while hiding under the cloak of the church. If religion was all that important really this would not have happened this way.

The GF is his problem.

Your issue is your wife and her infidelity.

Make it clear that any further contact will result in a messy divorce and loss of her comfortable life.

THEN get that counseling.

If she resists this solution, THEN send her to the pastor to arrange shelter for her while you prepare the divorce.

BTW- It really matters not whether she admits to it being physical or not right now. It matters that it stops immediately, that she admits it was wrong and is sorry, and that you get into counseling.

There is also a very good book, "After the Affair" which is quite good in laying out a proceedure for moving forward.

Take a couple of deep breaths. Start slowly and do not do anything rash. There is no reason to go broadcasting this indescretion all over your neighborhood. Assuming that you would like to work this out this is information better left in your own house. The "tell his GF" or "tell the pastor" advice are the actions of a person who cannot recover from this.

Part of the recovery as a betrayed partner will be her agreement to be 100% honest about what went on and for how long. This is in as graphic description as you can stand.

This is a step for weeks from now.

This is part of the recovery and will ot happen right now.

This is far too fresh and the defenses are firmly established.

Most important is that she agrees to stop all contact and stop all activity which includes this individual. Let the others figure it out on their own. Also get her agreement that she will tell you about all attempts by him to talk to her.

Without those agreements you are fighting a losing battle.

if she does agree to this you have a chance to work it out.

It is very very fresh right now.

Step back and make a plan.

Get the book and read it before you do anything.

Do not get to carried away in figuring what did or did not happen. Act like the worst occured and proceed on that basis.

Last edit_ She does not get to tell him in her own words.

This must stop and stop now. If he attempts any more communication YOU are to tell him not to call, text, talk or contact your wife or you will consider it allienation of affection and will deal with him accordingly.

As for the church, let HIM explain to the other god fearing souls what he has been up to.

Answer 4

first off go to the church, report this loser. he obviously has no respect for religion, let alone your marriage.

next, have a word w/ him. tell him if he dare let his filthy self anywhere near your wife, you're gonna sure his butt!

then talk to your wife and see if you can trust her..give it a chance, esp if you have kids together. good luck!!

Answer 5

Calmly confront him in the church, in front of his girl friend, before mass, with your wife present.  Every one in the church mostly already knows anyway, no body is working in the church at 3 am!    Just ask him if your wife has spoken to him about this supposedly emotional affair, and when is it going to end!  Otherwise she slides, and you will never know

Answer 6

This is not cheating. This is a deep friendship, you may even support it. She feels guilty, but that is a false feeling. Do not want to keep your wife in a quarantine. Without such deep attraction the life would be empty. She loves you, but found an other related soul also. Finally, she met him in a church. Calm her down with that she is not guilty in any respect.  

Answer 7

I am sorry to tell you that there isn't any type of production in a church that lasts until 3am. Have a meeting with your wife with your pastor and see if she will open up and be honest about her infidelity. Then your pastor can provide counseling and support for you to learn  to forgive her and for her to learn honesty and how to ask for forgiveness and whether she is truly commited to your wedding vows. I wouldn't bother talking with this guy, your wife is the one who you are in a relationship with and that is where your focus should be. I am sorry that you are going through this and had to find out  in such a way. To forgive is divine, the forgetting is harder and takes time. Talk to your pastor even if she isn't willing for your own well being.

Answer 8

You have to take her with you and talk to the pastor.

Is he married? His spouse has the right to know too.

I would change churches and get into intensive marriage counseling immediately. YOu can survive this affair but not alone. You need a really good therapist.   Emotional or physical, an affair breaks trust and damages your heart changing things forever.  explore these websites:  

Answer 9

I would first wait to see if she does talk to him about the issue.  I would ask her if you can be there to hear what she tells him because she might not even tell him what you expect her to tell him.  If that doesn't work then you should talk to your pastor and see what he has to say about the situation.  

Answer 10

I would first talk to him and tell him you know. Then you can see what he has to say, ask him what they did, was it sexual. Remember, he will know your wife admitted it to you so now is the time to interrogate him and get some real answers. Then, go to the church, remember, churches frown on cheating.

Answer 11

confront your wife,make her leave this church immediately, if she keeps seeing him, divorce is the only answer.she could choose to restore her marriage, but she could also choose to be a little bit more secretive,one never knows whats going to happen with an emotional affair.make her cut all ties with this man in front of u,if she refuses u know what u will have to do, then keep your eyes and ears open, don't be the last to know.

Answer 12

talk with your pastor.

Answer 13

OK we don't have crystal balls so we don't know what SHE is going to do in the future.

She is not that into you or she would not be hiding things from you. How do you feel about that?

I would dump her because I deserve to have a great loving relationship. I don't know what you think you deserve, but the fact that you have to ask US, shows me you don't think you deserve much...that is why you are not getting much.  We get what we expect.

And why would you tell the pastor?  That's tattling and sounds very childish. Maybe that's why she is having an emotional relationship with someone else, because you are immature.

Answer 14

Why are you fighting to make her stay with you?

Personally if my 'mate' has any desire to be with anyone else....then please just go.  Tell the guy, she's all yours sir, just take over payments.

To stay with a cheater is to die a thousand deaths.  Just wave goodbye and good riddance.

Answer 15

I imagine your pastor would be interested to know what is going on with church related activities.  Perhaps you need to talk with your pastor yourself, alone -- then you, your wife, the other guy and his girlfriend can meet with the pastor and sort this out.  Right now, you are much too emotional and hurt to handle this situation rationally.  Things could quickly get out of hand while in this state.

Answer 16

Kill all of them  

Answer 17

Tell his gf, tell the pastor, tell him and tell your wife you deserve better.

Answer 18

You probably won't like this answer but the truth is that her involvement with the other guy has little to do with him.  It is a symptom of THE problem, not the problem.  Please get counseling for both of you alone and together, and the sequence of that should depend on what you learn in the sessions with a skilled therapist.  

Answer 19

you can make a big scene at church and make this guy go away.  your wife will just find another guy as there are a lot of guys out there and your wife isn't cheating because this guy is so awesome but because you are acting a little less awesome than you used to.  

your wife isn't cheating.....she is in the planning process of cheating.  you won't stop her from cheating by confronting her with evidence.  you will stop her by courting her.  my advise is that you start dating her again.  she is looking for something new, why don't you give it to her?

Answer 20

i think  you  should tell the girlfriend  i would like to know if this was happning, sit down  with both of them  include the girlfriend ask the pastor what you should  do, and then do what  you would like to do