I've been struggling with this for the past 2 months. It was been the worst torture on me, ever. I met my wife in church. She was and is so pretty. I loved the way she smiled and lit up a room every time she walked in. Her bubbly personality combined with her caring and loving heart makes her so irresistible. We got together and dated for almost two years before we got married. At first I felt we were rushing into it but the more she said she loved me and wanted to marry me my heart fell for her deeply. I did love her a lot. This was the girl of my dreams - same religious faith, beautiful, caring, loving, and that sense of happiness every time I was with her.
Our marriage was a little rocky in the beginning. We bought our first house right when we got married and we were just starting off on our careers so we were under some pressure from the get go. But we fought through it together. After we got our finances in order she would leave a once or twice a year for a personal vacation to visit relatives back in our home country. That bothered me because this would continue even when we had kids. She would take them most of the time but that left me alone. I couldn't go because of my work schedule and for some reason she did not want to wait until we both can go. She told me recently that she left because of the pressure and that she needed time away from me. This made me feel really bad.
2 years ago I was cleaning my truck out and I found an envelope, it was a DNA test that she took. My mind was spinning because I was so confused on why she would have to take that. The results were positive on who the father is of our two children. I know they are mine. I waited 2 days to confront her and she had this "oh $hit, I got caught" look. That's what I was waiting for, her reaction. She immediately said that I knew about it, that she told me she was doing it, she did it for "fun", some dna door to door rep wen to her building at work and was soliciting. "Come on now?" was my reaction. I have total trust in my wife before that I never questioned anything, I was never the jealous type because I felt our love was so strong. But that was her explanation??. Since I had trust in her, stupid me, believed it and accepted it. 2 yrs later I found that I could never get over it. I asked her to please give me proof so I can be at peace with it, anything. But she never did.
Overtime she changed jobs. It was a good job, so I thought. She started going out, not a lot but more than before. She stayed out one night until 2am. She started getting psycho texts messages from a guy at work that was married. Text's started at 8am until 11pm at night. They worked in the same building. Another guy from her work text her that he thought they had the same feelings for each other. Yes, after the dna test I started looking at her stuff. Not everything, just when I got suspicious.
My wife has changed. She has turned cold towards me. She has said things that cut my heart so bad but she said that she was just being honest. "Everytime I'm with you I feel down and depressed, I love you but not enough to stay married to you, there's always something thats been missing, the list goes on" My friends said those words can cut a man's nuts off and they did mine =). Thought I'd some type of humor since this is so serious.
I've been depressed, lonely, helpless. I've waited to spend time with her in our 11 yrs of marriage. Vacation, just me and her and we never did have a honeymoon. I like being romantic, I still always wanted to date my wife even after she we got married. Now she's leaving and I can't have that chance. She has problems opening up with her feelings and I never knew what was going on within her.
I love her. She is my heart. I find myself in a situation where everything is falling down all around me. I've been depressed to the point where I wanted to end it. Thank God I've gotten that feeling out of my system. I have 2 kids that still need me. My life revolves around them and I can't let them down.
Sorry for the long rambling story. I've been a reader on this community for a while now. To the other husbands going through a similar situation, I throw my hat into the ring as well. It seems like that itch to see what's out there has hit my wife. I know I have to let her go and we have started getting our home ready to be sold. A home that we both worked hard for. I really hope she does find what she's looking for. I'm just really sad that it wasn't me. That's what devastates me. Please pray for me.
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