Wife signs me up for things without asking?

Question

My wife and I had a little argument yesterday. She keeps signing me up for activities that I don't feel like doing. For example, she recently signed me up for a 6-week membership course at our church without even asking. She basically just said: "oh by the way, I signed us up for this membership class."

I NEVER have signed her up for a major commitment without asking her first. Yesterday I had to firmly tell her to stop doing that because she does it all the time and I just think its rude and I don't do that to her.

The thing is, I work full time and I'm also a law student so when she does this it often puts me in a position where I'm forced to make a commitment that I may not be able to keep or don't want to keep.

Even after talking to her I still get the impression that she just doesn't get the point. Do I have a valid right to be upset, or am I over-reacting?

Answer 1

Heres what i would have said...You signed up for the class, you have fun taking it.  I wouldn't go, this is to controlling to me.  Let her know your plate is already full and she should discuss thingswith you before signing you up.

Answer 2

Be a request and be in agreement that she is to be in communication with you before she signs the 2 of you up. Let her know that you get her wanting to do things together but it may not always work for you. I think she must be full of life. She's a keeper. I hope she doesn't sign you guys up to join the circus.

Answer 3

Sounds valid to me.  

I guess you'll just have to let her commitments go.  She'll learn after a while if you don't show up.  

I'm sure she is just doing it out of love but she doesn't seem to take the verbal clue very well.  

Remind her gently that will have more time in the future but right now you are trying to work to better your life together.  

Are these activities usually ones in which you do together?  If so, maybe she just needs a little more you and her time made available. Maybe she feels she can only get your attention during pre scheduled arrangements. Take the innitiative to plan a night out together.  I bet she'd love for you to surprise her!

Answer 4

I would say you have a valid point. I don't know what her day is like and she may not feel the pressures that are required of you to achieve your goals.

But, yes there is a but here, She could be feeling the pressure that other husbands attend these functions and you don't or you 2 may not spending enough time together.

Everyones lives are different and not everyone can attend or do everything they would like to.

If there is a day or 2 that you 2 can attend something that she wants and it wouldn't be a burden or find time alone to go somewhere for a day or 2 then that may be an option.

Answer 5

You have the right to be upset with her. I guess you could fight fire with fire and sign her up for something. But that might be ugly. Or worse, she could like it and feel encouraged!

New idea. Tell her really nicely that you'd love to do it, but that it would threaten your grades. Tell her you have no choice but to take yourself off the list. But tell her really nicely so that she doesn't get upset. She probably just wants company at her class! It's sweet, really.

Answer 6

Sounds like a disrespect issue. She needs to respect the fact that you like to be asked first before committing to something.

I get the feeling that she would like you to take the lead and sign up for something. maybe she

s tired of waiting for you to do it, so she just does it? Or she thinks you wouldn't want to participate, so she goes ahead.Surprise her!

Answer 7

No you´re absolutely right and I encourage you to keep trying making your point, Write her a letter if you have to until she really understands. You´re actually being very responsible because you seem like the type of person that if you´re going to do something, you´ll do it right. And it´s good that you realize what you can and can´t do, because of your work and responsability. However, I think she does it in a naive way to get you into things or together as a couple. Problem is that once married, everything has to be consulted and agreed on.

Keep trying to tell her and express her how you feel. And if you can and think it could work, how about you get her into something without consulting her just to make your point. This could be a last alternative...but it could work. Sometimes we, women, need a little of our own medecine to learn.

Answer 8

She's rather selfish I bet.

If she signs you up for something, call the place, cancel, and tell them your wife did this without checking with you.

Answer 9

I have to agree with you. Your wife should have asked you first before sighing you up for anything. She just assumed you wanted to do those things, but that wasn't the case. She put you in a spot by forcing you to be accountable. She is wrong for doing that to you. I think the next time she does something like that to you, don't go. Because you were not in agreement to make that decision and she went behind your back and enrolled you in a class that you were not aware of. You shouldn't have to feel forced to do anything. To me she sounds controlling in that area.

So yes, you have that right to be upset. All you have to tell her is that this is not going to happen again, and if it does, you are not going, period. Do you think she would have liked it if you signed her up for a weight program for 8 weeks?? I don't think so. No, you are not over-reacting. I really think she owes you an apology for putting you in that position.

Answer 10

Yes you  have  a  point. You  are  not  overeacting.   I don't know  why she doesn't  understand  it. Perhaps  its  her  way of  getting to spend  time  with you.  

Answer 11

Of course you have the right to feel upset over this.  You have explained to her and she still doesn't get the point - that can be frustrating.

She needs to understand that she is making you feel like a little boy, having to do what you have been told without prior consideration.  You simply need to tell her that you don't enjoy some of the things she signs you up on.

If she still doesn't get it, I am sorry to say she sounds arrogant or doesn't value your opinion.