Will I be fighting a losing battle? (seperating relatives siblings for adoption)?

Question

Jan of this yr I got a call from the state saying they were going to be terminating parental right of my nieces and nephews,and would be sep, for adoption in April we got custody of all 4 of them ( 8 yr old twin boys a 7 yr old g and a 6 yr old g,) the boys went back to the state to get the therpy they needed due to us not being able to give them the time they needed with 7 kids ( those 4 and our bio 3) anddue to sexual issues having the boys in my home was not save for the other children, when the boys went back I asked them what the case plan was and they told us they were still going TPR and we would be able to adopt the girls when that happened, yesterday I got a call and they are taking the girls back , due to keeping them together, these kids have been in and out of foster care for the last 3 yrs( the boys 40 homes and the gilrs 15 (due to behavior issues) and the only time they've been together is the mth I had the boys, I feel like they used me and really want the girls to sta

Answer 1

While, I feel for you and can only imagine the pain you are going through, I can understand the need to keep the siblings together. I would hate to see them growing up in separate homes. If there is a family that is able to keep them together then this would be best for the children.

Make sure to speak with the worker about possible visitation though. Maybe you can still be an active part of their lives. Hopefully the adoptive parents will see that it is important for them to have contact with their original family.

Answer 2

The system tries and keeps sibling groups together.  BUT in all honesty, the chance that all 4 children are fostered together or adopted together is real slim.

Sibling groups are difficult, especially if there are issues of sexual abuse.

If you want the girls, fight it.  

BUT please, make sure that they are able to keep connection with their brothers.  Don't forget about the importance of their brothers in their lives.

Answer 3

This is all too common and awful for the children.  Stay in touch with them as you can, they obviously regard you as a safe house which they will remember when they are older.

If you are not happy, I would tke this to the media.  The state cannot handle this situation any for than a lay person in my opinion and you may get someone sponsor you for legal expenses.

I have been a foster carer for many years and have often disagreed with decisions made.  Recently I heard from a boy I fostered 17 years ago and he said that the 8 months that he was with me were the best months of his childhood.

Answer 4

Fight it.  It doesn't sound like the girls really need to be with their brothers,  if their is a possibility of sexual abuse.

If you fight it, you'll know you did the right thing even if you lose.  If you don't fight it, you don't stand a chance.