Will adoption cause any emotional problem.?

Question

We are married for 6 yrs and childless. We had been on thought of adopting a child since our marriage. But I wanted that to be as second/third and first to be our own. Since of late i have the following fears:

Will adopted children and our own mingle in the right way? My mum cannot accept adopted child. Will adoption create problem when they grew up? Will they seek for their parents then? I am in India, How is this accepted in India? How the society does react to such child?

I am confused.

Answer 1

our daughter has known from the start what adoption means and no she has no problems.i believe its all in how you handle the situation,some ppl dont tell the children till there adults if they tell them at all.ours is a normal above average in intelligence perfectly accepted by everyone in the complete extended family ,no difference is madeshes smart,intelligent,happy,bright emotionally stable

Answer 2

if i was you i would because its a good thing to do and maybe if u do adopt a child u'll be happier! but if u plan on having your own i wouldn't-good luck if u do dont tell anyone out side of your family. or you could act like you were pregnant for like 5 months and then adopt a little baby thats premiture and say its urs-maybe not a good idea though

Answer 3

That is entirely up to the way you feel about it. If you and your husband are longing for a child, go adopt a child theres nothing wrong with that. Its doing a very big favor for you and the child. Firstly you have accomplished your dream of becoming a parent and secondly you're giving your home and shelter to a parent less or fen. So you're really in the good by doing that. And if your society cared about or fen children they wouldn't care if you adopted. There is no descrase in helping a child's life.

Answer 4

First of all, your mother will probably come around...if not, well, then do you really want her to be part of your life if she can't accept ANY child of yours (adopted or not)?

Adopted children & biological children blend nicely together.  We have two of each & even though they look nothing alike, they act like birth siblings...all of them.  We even do foster care & the foster kids all blend in the family, too. :-)

Yes, adoption will create problems.  Any child who is adopted is going to have grief, loss, abandonment and possibly attachment issues to some degree.  These might be very minor, not affecting the child's life really at all, they might be major requiring a lot of counseling.  They'll likely be somewhere in between.

How you handle the adoption and parenting the child will have a large affect on how everything plays out.  Read as much as you can, have a therapist you can consult when/if problems arise, get supportive people around you, etc.

i don't know how it will be viewed in India.  Not sure.  I think, though, from what I know of Indian society, it won't be viewed positively.

Answer 5

Your attitude is so wrong (no offence) that yes, adoption may cause emotional problems.

An adopted child is not a second/third class child.  It is a child.  A child who will know you as his/her mother.  Who will need her/his nose wiped, diapers changed, who will keep you up crying all night.  Who will need a parent who loves them unconditionally.  A child is a child is a child.  There are no difference in the amount of love an adopted child needs and the needs of a biological child.  An adopted child will be your own.

They will be curious about their first family, for sure, and you will have to be supportive of that when the time comes.  It is only human nature, and they may want to meet their first family, as a way to see where they came from.  

I honestly think you need to not think about adopting until you can treat any child that comes into your family equally.  Not differentiate between the adoptive child and your "own"  (BTW an adopted child would be your own).  Kids will mingle just fine, unless of course YOU differentiate between them, and treat the adopted children different then your biological children, they will pick up on that and treat each other differently.

Answer 6

Wow - in India, there might be a few more issues to consider.  Families are very different there than in America, so  I can't address those, but with regard to other issues, whether or not the children "mingle in the right way" is more or less up to you as parents.  Every child has his own struggles/issues - adopted or not.  Every child in a family has issues with his siblings - adopted or not. You have to recognize that those things exist and not blame stuff on "adoption."  

I have an adopted child and three that were born to me.  The one I adopted and one of the others are nearly the exact same age.  They have always competed with each other emotionally, but their interests have been so different otherwise.  It has created a challenge, but I don't blame that on the adoption.  I could have/should have handled things a little differently as a parent at times, but, I feel the same way about some of the things I've done as a parent with my biological children.  

Regarding your mum accepting them ---  If she doesn't, will it affect you?  I worried that my son would not be totally accepted. He is 1/2 black, I am Caucasian and my father was from a racist background.  I had no issues with my son's race - although it was certainly something we needed to consider as far as affects to him and to our family dynamic, but, I worried about how my father would treat him.  Turned out that he never treated him any differently that he did my biological children.  All was good.   But, we made the decision beforehand, that if it was a problem for my Dad, we wouldn't let him be a problem for our son.  Not every family has that option.  In India, I suspect that you have closer living arrangements?

In our society, our son has always been treated well.  And, with regard to his biological family - It was obvious that he was not our biological offspring, so, from day 1, he knew he was adopted.  Others will disagree, but, I think that has been good.  I knew his biological mother (through foster care), and I never spoke ill of her.  However, I was truthful with him regarding her choices in life.  I did not paint a villainous picture, nor did I portray a saint -- just a mother who couldn't care for her child and loved him enough to give him to someone who could.  I made the effort to know what I could about his biological family and I have saved that information for him.  He is now beginning to ask for it.  I do not feel at all threatened by his desire to know about them, to contact them or anything else.  I figure, if he gets in touch with them and they become associates as well as biological relatives, then we have more extended family.  That's all.  

I cannot imagine our family today if we had not adopted our son.  To be certain, it would be very different, and we would not have faced some of the challenges that we did, but, he has brought us so very much joy!  And at 20 years old, I am even more proud of him every single day!

Answer 7

Here are my concerns:

You say:  You wanted your first to "be our own".  

What would life be like for a child who is not considered by their own parents to be theirs?

You say:  Will the children mingle in the right way?

Tell me, what is the right way for a child mingle with a family who does not consider them to be their own?

You say:  Your mother, the child's grandmother, would not accept a child who was adopted.

How do you expect a child to feel growing up being rejected by his grandmother?

You say:  Will adoption create a problem when they grow up?

No, adoption will likely not, but your attitude would.

You say:  How does society react to "such a child"?

Heaven help any child who grows up in your family or society if they feel similar to you.

Please, do not adopt.  There are many, many, many, parents in any country who would cherish any child from the moment they see them, and offer them unconditional love and acceptance from their entire family.  You are not one of those.  Your expectations regarding a child are rigid, unrealistic, uncaring, and misinformed.  

Sorry, but when you ask, you get answers.

Answer 8

Because you are referring to India and adoptions in India, I don't believe that most of us can understand the cultural issues that you may face.  I would suggest re-posting this question in the Yahoo India Answers board.  Perhaps you will receive answers more suitable for your culture.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I was adopted when I was 5 1/2 weeks old.  It was never something that was hidden from me.  In fact, in my family we always had to special occasions for me and my adopted brother.  One was our birthday, of course, and the other one is what we call our Special Day which is the day that we were each brought home from the adoption agency.  I did not have "emotional" issues due to being adopted.  I did always have the curiosity of wanting to know my birth family and history.  About 2 1/2 yrs ago I finally was able to meet my birth mom.  That empty space in me was filled.  I now know who I look like! :)  For me adoption was the best thing.  My birth mom was not able to take care of me emotionally, financially, physically, or any other way.  She did the most unselfish thing she could have and placed me up for adoption.  I understand that what you meant by "our own" you meant biologically, but there is no difference between adopted children and biological other than blood line.  

I hope this helps you to read it from an adoptee's standpoint.

Answer 10

well ill warn you now... i had a GF that was adopted.... she told me all about how it is... 1st things1st no madder what child you get there are gonna have some emotional problem with them some more severe then the other but problem non the less also it may be something that can cause some tension but usually no its something that can be dealt with if you take the time to in the correct manner.... but as far as the one who said you shouldn't thats a big life changing decision on you not them its all a difference of opinion

Answer 11

I don't know about the India portion of your question.  

However, you should contact a social worker that deals with adoptions to discuss.  You shouldn't be afraid to talk to people before making this big emotional and financial commitment.