Will having my second baby cause jealousy?

Question

I have a son who is almost 20 months old now. Whenever my husband and I hug or kiss, he wants to get right in between us and get hugs and kisses too - which is perfectly fine and sweet. I am pregnant with another boy, and when he comes, my son will be almost 2 years old. I plan on nursing again and will be home with the new baby for 4 months before going back to work. My worry is that my older son will be jealous of the time and attention I'll need to give to the new baby. I plan on making time for just the two of us, but will it be enough you think? A lot of people say that he is so young, he won't even notice the difference, but kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Any advice from 2nd or 3rd time mommies/daddies is welcomed. Thank you!

Answer 1

hi, congrats on ur 2nd pregnancy!  :)

firstly, i must say tt it is really sweet tt he will want to get in btwn u n ur husband whenever u hug n kiss.  it shows tt he really enjoys seeing his parents being loving n affectionate to each other and wants to be a part of it.

there is absolutely no doubt tt his newborn brother will cause huge amt of jealousy and enrage if he finds tt he is not involved in the pregnancy properly.  

another thing, ur 20mth boy is a smart boy, he  is able to understand wats going on ard him.  talk to him abt ur pregnancy and involve him as much as u can.  tell him tt he can hve a 'friend' when e baby comes and tt he will definitely make a gd big brother.

involving him will incl like bringing him to ur check up - it will be sweet if u can show him the scanned picture of ur baby, or even asking him to take his baby brother's new diapers, holding the bottle while feeding the baby... things like tt..

do remember to praise him for a gd job as soon as he is involved, use words like, "u are such a loving big brother.." or "I love u lots, big brother.."  etc..

making time for just the both of u after birth is also as important.  tell him tt u appreciate ur time wit him and tt with this time alone wit him, u can and will do watever u use to do with him.

i hope this helps.. gd luck and all the best!

Answer 2

I have 2 daughters and my oldest was almost 3 when my 2nd was born.  My oldest was so spoiled I was also worried about the jealousy.  Like your son she was also taken care of by her grandma and her great grandma and grandpa when I went back to work.  I was worried that she would be upset when a new baby came into the picture and also had her grandma's and grandpa's.  She actually did really well.  A newborn sleeps so much in the first couple weeks that it really didn't bother her because she had me all the time still, except when i was breastfeeding.  Then she would just sit by me on the couch while i nursed.  I also went back to work after my second daughter was born and again my grandparents and my mom took care of both of them.  to make things worse my second had colic but my oldest was so happy with having a sister she just delt with it and wanted to help alot.  I always let her help if she wanted to so she could feel like she was a part of everything.  She did good even with the new baby needed so much of mine and grandma's attention with the colic.  I now stay home because i didn't make enough to cover daycare costs and my granparents are 72 and there health isn't that great anymore I didn't have any choice.  My husband made more than me so we decided i would quit.  I give you alot of credit.  it was hard to go to work and then come home and clean house, cook dinner, and take care of 2 kids and a husband.  I think your boys will end up being best friends.  My daughters are now almost 6 and almost 3 and they play together all the time.  My youngest said to me the other day "mom my sister is my best friend"  it was so cute.  congrats on the new baby.

Answer 3

I heard this really cool story,

Basically new baby comes so the parents buy a very special present for big brother. When the big bro goes in to meet baby for the first time the parents explained to him that "His" new baby  brought him a special present for being willing to share his mommy and daddy with him.  so in the bassinet with the new baby was the gift. the little boy was so enchanted by this that literally from then on "his" baby could do no wrong.  

I am going to do a similar thing with my son He will be 27 months when the new baby comes. They may be a little younger but from the get go I am going to try to help my son view the baby as a gift not a threat to his world.

good luck

Answer 4

my son is about 2 1/2 years older than my daughter and he was jealous to a point but not too bad.  i had alone time with him when my daughter was asleep and i would include him to help me with her like get mommy a diaper please or let him help pick out the outfit to put on her little things like that he loved it and thought he was big stuff helping his sissy

Answer 5

I have three, and yes, there is a certain amount of jealousy. But your approach can make a huge difference. When I was pregnant with the second one, I told my first one that God was sending him a new baby. I always talked about it as his baby.

I read lots of books to him about new babies.

Then when the baby came, my husband took our first child to buy a gift for the baby. When he brought it to him, we already had a gift at the hospital from the new baby to the big brother.

Once you bring the baby home, try to include the older child in baby's bath time and in helping to get things for you. Tell him how proud you are of your big helper.

Don't be surprised if he says things like, "Go take the baby back" or "Put the baby up."

Also, make time in your day that is spent with just you and your firstborn.

Answer 6

you really have to make sure that he has only his own time.  My son is 2 and i have a 4 mo old baby.  We have special days together and leave the baby home with dad or at grandma's and go to the park, amusement park, zoo together and just have fun together.

Answer 7

I would expect that he's going to want to sit on your lap and be held while you're holding the baby...but 2 year olds are very adaptable.  I wouldn't worry too much about it...you may be surprised to find how much he revels in being mommy's little helper.  My little ones all loved to help out with the new baby.  It sounds like you're going to be very aware of his feelings about the situation. The special alone time with him is awesome whether he's an only child or has 20 siblings.  I can tell you're going to roll with the punches and raise happy and well adjusted kiddos.

Answer 8

Well My son was only 18 months old when my daughter was born. It was hard. He would walk up to me when I would be nursing her on the couch and he would just shake his head "no" and walk away. Wrecked havoc with my hormones. So enlist help and try to have special alone time with your firstborn. I know there will be lots to do when the baby is sleeping (chores) but just leave them! Trust me. Get on the floor and play/read with your first. You won't regret it.

My second and third are 2 1/2 years apart (much better) at the same time it's easier it's also harder. You are spread even thinner.

Email me anytime!

Answer 9

it can it up to you to do your best not to let it get to bad, I don't think there is anyway to totally prevent it. he is the center of the universe now and that will change. talk about the new baby coming and make sure he is very involved giove him some fun jobs todo etc.

Answer 10

is there no way you can work from home?

change your job to suit him ....im 30 and i still need my mum....obviously not to do the physical things eg nappy feeding...but comfort safety advice ..

at 20 months he needs you ...if not he would be able to care for himself .......eg dress,feed change....anyone can dress feed ect but only a mum can bring the peace comfort security we need....imagine bein 2 years old.....dont kiss your hubby for a wole week see how emotionally neglected you feel......

then double and tripple......no amount of money or chocs or even a kiss will make you feel better....im nearly crying thinking of this wee tot that just wants his mum...and there is another on the way.......its not you that is to blame its the life style we have to leed to make ends meet ..... clothes.shoes food ..decorating cars.tv.phone line rentle...cut back on these things rather than the attention you give your boy.....