Will i always be like this even though i do not want to? Its painfull living like this.?

Question

For 9 years i have been depressed and isolate myself. I have lost friends and family over the years. Im 26 and have a 4 year old son. I have felt let down by so many people including my father, my mother died when i was 9 from breast cancer.

At age 18 i became depressed and anxious, paranoid and isolated myself because i felt embarresed and nervous around pther people.

My dad asked me to move out at this time, the time when i needed to heal the pain of my mum and other relatives who had died.

I moved out with my boyfriend we've been together for 9 years now and had our son 4 years ago.

My b/f is a pathelogical liar and has a drug problem (marajuana). He has let me down so much and continually dose but i take it and dont know what else to do. Hes the one person i used to feel loved me now im not so sure.

Last year i saw a councellor and sorted alot of things out, she gave me the will to live and not just exsits but im still struggling to move forward.

I dont trust people coz everyone lets me down. So my question is, if i try hard enough can i change things or has these 9 years of missery been planted in my brain and changed me forever.

Answer 1

Rainbow, I completely empathize with your situation. Although the circumstances are different (I'm much older than you, my ex boyfriend was addicted to crack cocaine - yet was still a pathological liar, and I don't have any children). However, the symptoms you describe are ones that I've gone through, more times than I wanted to. I had serious cronic difficulties making decisions - even small ones. My mental health team is still working with me today to sort out these issues. Although my quality of life has improved since that time, my mind still feels isolated from others. When I was your age, I didn't trust anyone. Nobody. Not family, friends, authority figures, or people in general. I was paranoid and suspicious of everyone.

You have one thing going for you, Rainbow. Your age. You are still very young and can overcome this situation without permanent damage. I recommend that you find, or ask for a referral to, a very reputable psychologist. A dedicated professional willing to work with you to not only sort out your issues, but to bring you to a place where you can handle them yourself. It takes committment on your part, but the effort is worth it. The scariest thing in life is to be elderly and alone and still have anxiety, paranoia, and feeling unloved and uncared for. I don't want to end up that way..... and I'm positive you don't either. My very best to you, Rainbow. Remember, there is love in the world in places you least expect them to be. (Hugs....)  

Answer 2

Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance of the brain.    You need medication and it takes a while to find that which makes you stay on an even keel.  I think that since your boyfriend is changing, that you ought to set yourself up so that you can function on your own.  You need to get yourself a skill and go to work.  You should put your son in a pre-school so that he can learn to socialize with other people and when you are self supporting, you will feel a lot better also.

Answer 3

Yes, you can change. I did.

My father called me stupid and beat me up when I was young. I grew up believing no one could be dumber than I. Well, I grew out of that.

I tried so hard to improve myself. But, what finally worked was that I really did turn to God. I learned how to see the beauty in my life, the tests I went through and how they helped me grow and learn. The struggles how they made me stronger and wiser.

Focus more on the good things in your life. I see you have a baby. That's a miraculous gift from God.

Some women are not fortunate enough to have children and agonize because of it. I'm one of them. But, I've worked on seeing the bigger picture and why I'm here, what my purpose is.

To grow, to learn, to become a better person and perform random acts of kindness.

Find your gifts, talents and abilities that God gave you, and work with them. This will give you much fulfillment and joy in your life.

But you have to focus on the bigger picture, the beauty on this earth while you are here. The time is fleeting and we must not waste it,

Answer 4

nothing is forever! i've never gone thru what ur goin thru so im not gonna pretend to understand, but there will be someone who won't let you down! u can absolutely change ur life, because no matter what happens, tomorrow's a new day and a fresh start is never out of ur reach!!

Answer 5

Head up,you are young and whole life is in front of you...you had dificult past,but you survived,it was big test....for sure things and people in your surounding affected persone you are but i have only one thing to tell you my dad tells me when i m passing dificult time"everything what don't kill you,makes you stronger",so be that way,be strong and head up,your life will become the way  you make it...good luck

Answer 6

Yes you can overcome this, is it easy, no.  It all boils down to how badly you want it.  I found myself in similar situation, at the tail end of 7 or 8 years of misery.  I just couldn't stand it any longer and had to change.

It took me 3 years to really turn the corner, although massive improvement was constant.  You can do it with work and dedication.  You have made a good start by asking, it's the first step.  

I have a website on this this is basically everything that helped me.  it could well work for you too, have a look there are some links to that might be useful.

http://www.dream-life-coaching.com

Best of luck, there's a contact page there if you have a specific question.

Answer 7

Yes you have to change your attitude not for you but for your baby. Why you are forgetting that you have to take care of your baby? Who is going to take care of him? You have to move on. Keep yourself busy in any social services or any work and spend more time with your baby. Don't try to go into your past, past is gone. Think about the future.

Please think about your life. I believe the God has given us this life for some purpose, so use it wisely, dear.

Answer 8

I really do not believe that you MUST exist like this simply because you have been conditioned to do so. There are so many books and research you can do in order to understand how your mind works and more importantly how to change it if you are not happy in the state you currently exist in. I have been think so much about really making this my lifes purpose... to find people who feel like you and help them guide them or at least point them in the right direction when they are feeling the way you do. Whats important for you to understand is that you are able to change the way your brain operates. You are able to change the way you think. It takes a serious dedication and sincere want of a better life on your part though. In the age of the internet and libraries there are soi many resources you can turn to. I believe it is about finding the peace within... and I do believe that peace exists within every one of us. Some books for you to check out are: The Travelers Gift by Andy Andrews, A New Earth and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle... These are just a few but its really about understanding the way in which your mind is currently working so you can change and shift that to your liking. You were not put here to be unhappy honey... Do yourself and your son a favor and search for peace within.