Will it be child abuse?

Question

Yesterday, my step-daughter got off the bus and left the back door of the house open...something we lecture her constantly about. Well yesterday my 2yr old son got out the backdoor and no one knew it, and I found him wandering down the street. I brought him back in and started yelling at my step-daughter who is 6. I was so mad, I told her to get her nose on the wall and pushed her....well she fell strait into the door face first and totally bit the woodwork, causing the window in the door to break. She ended up with a busted lip and a cut on her gum. It was totally an accident, I in no way meant to hurt her, I was just SO mad. She was supposed to talk to her guidance councelor today at school for other school problems, so we made her stay home. I am scared to death they will look at this as child abuse...how worried should I be about this?? The worst thing is, there were 2 other children present who witnessed the accident. Will the school look into it if there is no evidence by Monday?

Answer 1

Ok lady, your first bad error in judgement was letting a 6 year old look after a 2 year old. As for the shove, don't give me this bull that you "accidentlaly" shoved her, you made a clear choice to push her. What you did is child abuse, and I hope you own up to what you did, and stop acting like a pitiful little coward. Get some balls, and tell the school what REALLY happened. And by the way take some parenting classes, and get some help for your anger.

Answer 2

sounds to me like you lost control of yourself.  It happens to all parents from time to time.  If this has never happened before with her or any other child, you probably have nothing to worry about.  But if it has happened before you may want to seek some counseling for yourself.  I can see you did not mean for it to happen, but you need to make certain it doesn't happen again.

Answer 3

It takes a lot of courage to even ask a question like this.  I can tell you feel badly about what happened.  As a parent we have self doubts all the time about how we are doing raising our kids.  Kids will be kids and stupid things will happen but there also has to be consequences in place if they aren't following the rules.  We lost one of our family pets due to this very same thing.  We weren't being irresponsible.  I was taking out laundry and didn't notice the door till later.  You can't cart your kids around on your hip and you can't follow their every move.  You would never get anything done if you did.  Your 6 year old needs to understand how serious this is and should have gotten in trouble for it.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  Accidents happen all the time.

I do think you do have the right to feel a bit paranoid about other peoples reactions.  In this day an age people jump to quickly to accuse or place blame.  You did what you had to do.

Answer 4

You told her to put her face in the wall, then you pushed her. It sounds like you planned on smashing her face off the ******* wall. Keep an eye on your ******* kids. You kept her home from school because you had something to hide.

Answer 5

She is only 6 years old...lecturing her is going to get you no where.  You pushed the child...YOU abused the child.  It wasn't an accident...you MEANT to push her and she got hurt.  An accident would be if you didn't MEAN to push her.  If it is viewed as child abuse you will simply have to suck up and deal with the consequences of YOUR actions.  You MADE her stay home from school because you were afraid the counselor might say something about your abusing the child...DUH.  You and your husband don't deserve to have this child in your home.  I'm wondering why the child's mother isn't involved and why the child's father ALLOWS you to abuse his child.  Hopefully someone will contact CPS before this child winds up in the hosptial by your hands.

Answer 6

calm dowm it was a accident you were upset about the baby getting hurt and its not abuse its sad that these days we have to be in constant fear that we will be accused of abuse if we overly dicipline our children but don't worry about it just let it go if they have any questions they can ask you and let them know what happened i understand .

Answer 7

As a parent, it is your responsibility to keep your children safe, not your 6 year old daughters.  You are the one who should be making sure the door is always shut.  While accidents do happen , I have a feeling you are going to have a hard time explaining this one.

Answer 8

You should have never pushed her that hard!  I feel that when you are that angry, you need to take time to yourself to calm down before addressing the situation, then talk calmly, between the two, see what you can do as a team.  Let your six year old help with the planning of making sure that the door is shut.  Maybe some ideas from her point of view might help her to remember to close the door and also empower her.

Answer 9

don't blame your daughter.she could have been killed in your so called "aciddent".plus she is not the one that needs conseling.it's you.*****

Answer 10

I think you should have wooped her butt, She is too young to be home alone with a 2 yr old anyway get a babysitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Answer 11

Well, here is the truth; that action is considered child abuse. Are you an abuser? Probably not. But what most of us sense here is someone who is definitely feeling the grind of everday motherhood and life in general, and you have now let it out on a child. I don't think anyone would dispute that it would be a scare and a frustration to find our toddler wandering down ht street because their sibling did not close the door as instructed. But as you well know, there were better ways to handle the situation. this incident could have been much worse, and that is what you should pay attention to. A sitter is actually a good idea; you need time to get away and recoup. Childrearing all day without the luxury of some alone time, is not healthy for you or the children, as you stop getting enjoyment from it, and so do the children. Yes, the school can report you if any of the children decide to tell on you. But you can also explain the situation. I can't say that it will help, but it is all you can do. And another thing, I don't know if you noticed, but most therapists would point out that in your telling of the story, you made sure to mention who was your biological child and who wasn't and in your head by doing so, it plays some particular relevance. You may want to speak to a therapist and find out what that relevance is.  trust me, as a child raised by a stepmother who came into the picture after my mother died, she did not come to be close to me or my siblings until she stopped feeling like she was doing us a favor for taking care of us since we had no mother, and she started to simply take care of us because she loved us. Children can feel the difference. Doesn't in any way make you a bad person; just means that there is room for change in your thinking, and can improve your relationshp with your daughter. Blessings.....

Answer 12

IF IT WAS ACCADINT I THANK IT IS OK.I FEEL BAD FOR HER.

Answer 13

I, myself, understand it was an accident, but you have to bare some of the responsibility here....

You say that you were afraid to send her to the counselor. Why? If it's truly an accident then it will explain itself. I myself hear all you worry is about yourself, but you never expressed how bad you felt when she fell. For her sake, I hope you didn't make her stand nose up to the wall after all that.

And, with 4 children running around, why don't you put a LOCK on the door so you can monitor who's coming and going out of the house.

Answer 14

Get a self-closing hinge for your door.

Then maybe you won't have any more reasons to shove either child face first into anything.

Answer 15

omg!!! what were you thinking pushing the poor girl. I know you siad you were angry but It's not her fault that she forgot to  close the door. You should make sure every time she gets off the bus or get a gate or fence. I feel so sorry for the little girl she could be in shock of what you did too her and she will not understand that it was an accident. Please get some anger management counceling. I'm sorry to be so hard but It's your fault not hers. In the end I hope every thing works out for you and your family.

Best of Luck

Answer 16

Hitting out of anger IS ABUSE! Get help now, because who know what you will do to her if she brings home a bad grade or a boy, or leaves the door open again. You have anger issues, get some counseling.

Yes they will make a case out of it if they suspect the need. Especially if her mom finds out what really happened!

Answer 17

ok its your fault that you pushed your daughter, and its your fault that your son got out. a 6 year old girl should not be reasponsible for even locking the door. you have anger management problems cause if you didnt you wouldnt have pushed her, whatever happens is your own fault and you have no one to blame but yourself. and dont keep her from school thats just stupid then it makes you look guilty considering she had a meeting with the councerler and all. clearly you wouldnt feel gulty or scared if it had been an accident, im not saying that you did it on purpose, but being a parent you should no better.

Answer 18

were is this little girls real mom cause i know if another women did that to my daugther i would be over there to kick her *** i mean it is not her falt ur kid got out and was wandering in the street were u when he got out and if ur step daugther doesnt realize she has to close  the door be a real mother and greet her when she getts home from school that way u wont have to BEAT her to get the door closed and ur kid wont wander out DUHHHH!!! yes it ABUSE and i hope they report u and ur kids get a REAL mom.... trust me leaving the door open to a house when ur just SIX years old is dont a reason to be given a BUSTED LIP ......so know that u busted ur door with ur kids FACE does it close or NOT....???

Answer 19

They may cal CPS, but you have a bigger problem than that.

YOU are to blame for the 2 year old escaping, not the 6 year old!

You wrote "I was just SO mad."

You need to get control of your emotions and temper. Never try and correct, or teach a child while you are angry.

In effect, this WAS child abuse! Punishable by law probably not, but if you can't control your emotions, it may be worse on the next occassion.

Answer 20

That would be considered child abuse. Never address your children through your anger. What you stated might be considered assault and battery.

Answer 21

its not her responsibily to make sure the doors shut. Your the parents not her.

Answer 22

I am mom to 4 kids plus I have provided child care in my home for 20 years.  I understand how easy it is sometimes to get upset by children who do things you tell them 100's of times not to do.  But, your step-daughter is only 6.  Sometimes she forgets, so do you, it is normal and human.  I am sure you over-reacted due mostly to the fear you had at what could have happened in this case.  I don't think you will likely have a problem with this being child abuse, but you did react in anger and thus you have some damage control to do with your step-daughter.  If you could empathize in some way with her over how she is feeling you could help her a great deal.  You don't say where her mother is, but she needs you to be a mother to her at least when she is living at your home.  You must talk to her, tell her you are sorry for hurting her.  I am sure she is scared and frightened.  Her punishment did not fit her infraction.  She made a mistake and did not leave the door open on purpose with the intent for the 2 year old to get out.  As the adult, it is your responsibility to make sure that things get done.  If she has to shut the back door when she comes home from school then you need to set up a check and balance for that.  Perhaps a chart on the refrigerator (she probably wants a snack when she comes home) where she can place a sticker everytime she comes in to remind her to check to make sure the door is shut.  It would even be a boost to her self-esteem if you met her at the door when she got off the bus to welcome her home and tell her you are glad to see her.  That way you could make sure the back door was closed properly.  I wouldn't worry as much about school as how this incident is affecting your step-daughter.  She didn't ask to be in a home with you, if she had her choice I am sure she would choose to live with her mom and dad.  She will have problems at home and at school if someone doesn't help her feel loved and accepted.  While you probably didn't mean it specifically, but your actions to her likely came across to her as that you hate her and only love the 2 year old.  I think if this was an isolated incident you have nothing to worry about, but if you are having anger issues with her that perhaps family counseling would be useful for everyone.

Answer 23

I think you know the answer to that question, or you wouldn't be scared...You should be reported.  And get help for your anger management problem.

EDIT - So now the story changes, and she TRIPPED...Typical...

Answer 24

u hit her therefore yea its child abuse

Answer 25

I wouldn't stress it, like you said...it was an accident. If they can not prove that it was intentional then you have nothing to worry about.

Answer 26

This is absolutely child abuse.  It appears that you believe it probably is abuse also since you kept her home from school and want to know "if the school will look into it if there is no evidence Monday."  And the worst part about it is NOT that there were two other children present - the worst part about it is that you shoved a little girl who depends on you for love and care and protection...and shoved her through the glass in the door no less.  It appears that you perhaps don't care for this "step" child as much as you do your other children.  I hope somebody intervenes soon before she suffers more serious physical or psychological damage at your hands.  I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but you abused this little girl.  Please get counseling for your anger management issues immediately.  If you don't, you are in danger of losing all of your children if this continues.

Answer 27

This is not good.

I'm afraid you pushed her far too hard in your anger.

A 6 year old child should not be held responsible for the safety of your 2 yr old!  Sure you can remind her (a million times) to close the door, but it's ultimately up to YOU to keep the children safe.

In your anger, you seem to have lapsed albeit momentarily. You caused the accident and I doubt if any of the children can separate the accident from the intended punishment.

I know you are very upset and scared.  I hope it all works out for you and your family.