Will it ever change???

Question

Hi there, Thanks in advance for your answers..

Ok here it goes

4 years ago I started dating my wife. I got her prego and we had our first child. Before our first our s*x life was great. But rather straight forward nothing adventures After him things slowed down pretty bad but I understood all the issues women have with being a new mom and all, and we had a child together so I stayed with her.

10 months later, She got Pregnant again so we got married. Don't get me wrong we didn't just get married cause of the kids we love each other very much. But between the kids and after #2 our s*x life sucks.

She is pretty good about not putting me off to long and she has good "Os" when we do do it but my problem is that she doesn't really want to do it. She never comes on to me and never wants to do anything new.

Now being 9 years older than her and having much more experience. I am used to s*x being more of a mutual satisfaction thing, where I sometimes do things I don't enjoy as much just for her pleasure and vise versa.. But my wife is not interested in anything other than just the same ol same ol. Without getting to graphic I Hope you understand what I mean. No oral or anything else.

I have tried talking to her about it so many times I have all but givin up on her ever loosening up and I don't know what to do anymore. I have more than one girl that is offering me all the things I am craving no strings attached but I do not want to cheat or to end my marriage. But the temptation is really strong.

So anybody got any advise? Anybody else ever gotten someone that was sexually repressed to loosen up and live a little? Or does this just come with age.

Or do I just need to get used to the mundane side of s*x and forget my desires?

Answer 1

Wow...I read your post and know what you're talking about. Same story for this guy here. The difference with me is that my wife was really moody too. So she went ot the doctor and they put her on some "happy" pills. s*x life got better, but not really good. I figured out by talking with a few female friends that she see's herself as a "mom" and not a wife or lover anymore. Mom's don't do oral or flip around like a gymnast, and that might be her perception of herself now. So, I confronted my wife about it and they were right on. She has acknowledged the problem and agreed to try to work on it. So far it's been the same old thing. But we had the talk only 2 weeks ago. Hopefully things can get better. Throw out your feelings and see what sticks. It will never get better if you just supress your toughts and not communicate. She can't fix what she doesn't know about.

Answer 2

well do you really love your wife?

whats more important to you   your wife and family   or s*x?

Im sorry that you are having a hard time, I really think that instead of trying to coax your wife into being more adventerous, you should speak to her about how is putting a strain on your marriage.

and honestly, the fact that you are even thinking about cheating on your wife, and even letting this women speak to you about those things..really shows what is more important to you. I think it reflects poorly on your character, and you should really look outside your self and look at your wife. For me personally, i love my significant other more than i love myself, infact if we never had s*x, i could still be happy, because i love him.

I think counseling would be good, before things go bad.

I hope this helped

Answer 3

It should get better

Answer 4

sorry, this is the best i got

trying being romantic with her.  Take her out on a night or even a full day without the kids, and just let it be for her.  she may feel a lil trapped or that her entire life is just passing her by.  Do some stuff that you know she will enjoy, and near the end of the night, try to be as romantic as possible.  

or even give her a lil surprise once in a while.  Such as candy, or a flower.  

Answer 5

I hate to say it but if you married a woman that wont do oral then the chances of getting her to do it are slim to none. It's sad really, it's actually quite an enjoyable experience but with some girls there is a stigma attached that it is dirty-- maybe if she becomes friends with someone who is a little more open sexually then she will be more apt to try new things. I've actually helped a friend of mine liberate herself a bit but she still will not do oral because of what others have said. So sad.

**edit** I don't think wanting your wife to partake in a pretty standard sexual thing because it would make you happy reflects negatively on your character, in fact I think it reflects negatively upon hers and her outlook of your marriage. She should want to please you, and asking for something as simple as oral s*x is not asking for too much-- if you wanted her to be suspended from the ceiling by clamps that were holding her nipples while she performed it then I'd say yes, asking someone who is pretty mundane (as you said-- not to insult your wife) to perform outlandish sexual favors would be too much to ask-- but at that point I'd say you married the wrong woman. I would do anything to keep my hubby happy, and would be aroused in doing so (minus the whole clamps and suspension thing) and if there ever came a time where I wasn't able to physically happy then you bet your *** I would write him or call him with ammo because I love him and want to  see him happy. So don't feel guilty after reading what the obviously 16 year-old girl beneath me says, she is living in a world of puppy dog love right now and doesn't understand the concept of love if she thinks never pleasing her man will keep him happy forever.