Will my cheating follow me forever?

Question

I cheated on my ex fiance (of 5 years) with my now husband for over a year. That was over 4 years ago. My husband knew about it but I kept it a secret from my then fiance, obviously. Well, my husband won me over and after that year, I drove a few hours and dumped my fiance without much explanation (which I know he deserved) and married the other guy I had been seeing. We are VERY happy together! As a matter of fact, I think we have the best relationship of anyone I know.

The other night I was chatting online with a guy friend from a long time ago out in Colorado. I am in Virginia and my husband asked who I was talking to like he was suspicious. Then he said "are you looking for a replacement like you did with me on (insert ex fiance's name here). I thought he was joking but he looked sad. I was crushed. He probably brings up my cheating about once/mo on average. Will this follow me forever?

I love him with all my heart. We have been married for over 3 faithful years. We have a terrific relationship. He loves me so much too and it shows. In addition to his actions, he follows me and my ambitions around even moving many miles away so I can attend dental school because he knows it will provide a sound future for us and our future family.

Answer 1

Yup probably.  If you cheated on your fiance to be with your now husband, obviously your husband thinks you're capable of cheating on him.  But then again, it's his fault, because knowing that he would forever be suspicious of you, then he shouldn't have married you.

Sounds like your husband doesn't trust you 100% and never has, which is sad.  A good marriage has to have trust to succeed.  Maybe you can help him build his trust by being very open about your actions, kind of like when you're 12 and tell your mom everything you are doing and where you are going and what time you will be home and that type of thing.  Don't do it out of the blue, explain to him you want to build trust and that you want there to be no secrets so he doesn't feel that you're out cheating on him.  

Hope things work out.

Answer 2

When your husband brings up your cheating, tell him you love him and would never leave him.

Answer 3

of course it will....it's called karma...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 4

Yes.  I think because it seems your husband loves you more than you love him as he is the one willing to always follow you in your ambitions.  However, he knew what he was getting into when he married you.  I am sure he will always rightfully be suspicious, but I also believe you know your good situation.  Therefore, should you choose to cheat again and I think it is very likely I am sure he will gladly take you back.

Answer 5

How can you trust a cheater........Karma coming back to kick you in the @ss

Answer 6

Definitely. Once a cheater always a cheater. Deep down he will never trust you completely and he probably shouldnt...

If you believe in Karma this time he will be the one cheating on you and leave without much explanation. Time will tell

Answer 7

In someway you will always think about it. But its not like you are cheating on the one you love right now. Yes it wasn't smart you should have dumped your fiancee and then started dating again. But we are human and make mistakes, yes we wish sometimes we could go back and do it the right way. But we are not going to be thinking about it our whole lives. We live by the moment not the past or future. Nothing but right now. From the way your talking about your husband it seems you have settled down and never want to cheat but always live by the moment.

~Aly~

Answer 8

Turn the situation around...if you were with a guy who had cheated to be with you, are you saying you'd never wonder if he'd cheat on you? If not, you'd be foolish. Trust is difficult enough, but how does one learn to trust a person you KNOW will cheat?

You commited the ultimate form of betrayal on someone you supposedly loved and were going to marry...if you'd do it to that guy, why wouldn't you do it to this guy (in his mind).

I'd never dream of getting seriously involved with someone I know was a cheater...it would seem stupid to me. I'd feel like I was just asking to get screwed over myself, or that my ego was so huge I thought there's no way they'd ever treat wonderful me that way.

You've got to understand where he's coming from, even if you've changded your wicked ways. Doesn't sound like you've yet begun to feel more than the tip of the iceberg of your karma getting back in balance after your cheating...just wait until that happens (and he, as a party to cheating, has a karmic balance to deal with as well). My stupidity has followed me karmically for a decade.

Answer 9

Some of the answers here are really harsh. Why do so many people think it is "justice" or "karma" to keep punishing a person for the same mistake over and over again? Come on People!

You weren't married when you cheated and although I'm not saying that makes it okay, I do think that it is different when you are making a decision for your life that is huge - like who you will marry. I do think it would have been wise if you had broken off the engagement when you decided to pursue a new relationship. That would have been the honest thing to do.

But here you are now. You have to deal with the fact that there will always be a smidgen of doubt at least in your husband's mind. If you really want to ease that doubt then don't do anything to arouse it. Don't talk to other guys, don't leave your husband wondering where you are, don't do anything that can be viewed with suspicion. You do owe it to him to make him feel secure in your marriage and if that is too much to ask then you are setting yourself up for suspicion.

If you are doing nothing wrong now, then you don't deserve to be continuously punished and disrespected. The past is the past - nobody can change it. The future is what you are creating right now - by your choices and actions. Make it beautiful!

Answer 10

You have a great future.  Don't let this ruin it.  The past never goes away, but, it will fade.  Four years is still pretty recent.

He's probably a little insecure.  When he brings this up tell him why you married him.  Tell him you chose him.  Tell him it was and is still what you want.

Answer 11

yes but with more time and fatfulness it will fade.

Answer 12

Wow the same exact thing happened to my best friend.  He started seeing a girl that was engaged.  He won her over.  They got married and 3 years later she started coming home hours late from work.  She kept saying that she had so much stuff to do.  And he got worried that she might be seeing someone else.  I agreed cause I told him to never marry because she would prolly cheat again.  So one night we drove to her work and found no one there when she got home she told us she was at work late again.  Then when we confronted her she got pissed at me and said the same kind of bull c**p like I only cheated with you I would never cheat.  You prolly just missed me.  Well luckily thanks to me I convinced him to look at her phone bill and we found a number she had been calling a lot.  It was some guy.  He was like yea Im dating Kelly  right now.  He had no idea she was married and when we told him he was horrified.  Then finally after we went through all this she finally confessed and then thanks to me (the a***e here) I got him to divorce her ***.  

So I say yes it will prolly follow you for ever.  He will always have that on the back of his mind.  And rightfully you deserve it.

Answer 13

Yes, it probably will. Just live with it.

Answer 14

if someone does not trust you it is most likely because you are not being trust worthy

Answer 15

   sorry  to  tell  you  this  but  It  is  always  going  to  be  thrown  in  your  face  and  it's  sad  because  there  is  nothing  you  can  do  about  it.

It  will  happen  again , PEACE  BE  WITH  YOU,

Answer 16

Yup. Get used to it.  It will follow you and it should.  It speaks to your character.  The only way to get past it is to get through it.  Maybe in a decade or two, he'll finally trust you.  Until then, you've earned his suspicion.  ^..^

Answer 17

Everybody here keeps saying he knows what YOUR capable of. But wait. Your now husband knew you were cheating to be with him. He knew you had a relationship with someone else. But...... he still persuade, seduced, maneuvered you into being his lover eventually becoming his wife. That doesn't say much for his character either. He broke your other relationship up with out letting it go through its own demise. Tell him you love him and have no plans to ever cheat on him. That he is the one for you or this other relationship would have been the one you stuck with. Give him confidence, understanding, and show him he is also in this cheating business with you! And don't believe "Once A Cheater Always A Cheater" There are reasons for this behavior. You know whats in you. Good Luck!

Answer 18

Sadly it will follow you around while you are with your husband. All you can do is just reassure him that he is the only one for you and hope that it never breaks your marriage apart.

Answer 19

Why are you chatting with other guys if you are not cheating on him? Is Colorado your next destination?

So you are building a solid future financially...make it a solid emotional future too and stop chatting with other guys online. Concentrate on your marriage and your studies.

Answer 20

A relationship founded in deceit will always have deceit or the fear of it as part of the equation.You both know what you did,you both know what you are capable of.You both wonder if you could do it again,or if one will do it to the other.It is the complex karma of guilt.Due to your previous behaviour, neither of you really can trust the other completely.

Answer 21

Well, tell him not to say stuff like this. Say something like you only cheated because your old relationship was failing, and it's not like this with your husband. But cheating is not nice :)

Answer 22

first of all you got to get something straight.you never cheated on your husband.now, as for the "fiance" of prehistoric time you should tell your hubby that you weren't married at the time so it doesn't count . the period before marriage to remind you is made just for this purpose,to see if the person you're living with is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.now that you are married and since you never cheated on your husband things of the past should stay there and you're man should think more of the future years he'll have with you and not of old stories.

Answer 23

Well,it will but don't let it stop you from doing other things.Get all your feelings out in a journal and don't cheat anymore