Will my future husband have less respect for me?

Question

I didn't exactly lose my virginity willingly or consensually, nor did I put up a fight. I could NOT even utter the simple word "NO!" I was sent into a state of shock and all I could do was lie there crying. Some would consider this rape, some perhaps would not. In any case, after that point in my life (my early twenties) I kind of lost a sense of self. I wasn't sure I respected myself because I felt like it was MY fault. After that I had s*x with my, at the time, fiance. Will this cause good men to respect me less? I've held strong to a promise I made myself after all of that happened. I have chosen not to have s*x again until I AM married. What are your thoughts or opinions on this?

Answer 1

I think if the man truely loves you, he will understand the situation. You have kept yourself pure recently until you are married due to what happened and your husband has to respect that. If he gets angry over a guy basically raping you, then he does not care for you as he should. You sound like you have your head in the right place. We all make mistakes and once you find the guy your mean't to be with, he has to realize that was mearly all it was!

Answer 2

Wow this isn't the Scarlet Letter. It was just meaningless s*x with someone you obviously didn't love. Don't beat yourself up over it, really. I'm sure your future husband will understand.

Answer 3

uhhh....... Men should always respect woman's,.

and if u chose to have s*x until u get married then stick with it, its your own decision. guys that just want s*x isnt worth it...they should respect you and your decision..

Answer 4

You must act according to your beliefs.

  You have set a fairly high standard for yourself, and conduct yourself accordingly.

   The problem is that sexual contact is a black or white issue, so to some closed-minded people, you're not a virgin, and therefore don't deserve respect.

    On the other hand compared to many women you've had few sexual partners.

Answer 5

It sounds like you were raped..  Victims of rape usually blame themselves.  

It's not your fault what happend to you.  It would probably be a very good idea to see a psycologist so you can deal with this issue, other wise it will always affect your life and relationships.  A therapist will help you regain your sence of self,  you would be suprized to know how many people are actually sexually assaulted,  you are not alone.  Down look down on yourself you were the victim.  When a man loves you for just being you he wont think less of you because you past wasnt perfect.  Please see a therapist so you can help yourself. x*x

Answer 6

You are human and everyone makes mistakes.  If your future husband truly loves you, he will respect the fact that you have come to terms with the problems of your past and have resolved them.  

If I were you, I would not include that in my information to a future husband, not because it is a secret, but because it is your private business that occurred prior to your relationship with your husband.  Some things are just better left unsaid, particularly because they disturb you, and will probably disturb your husband as well.

Answer 7

Get counselling immediately. It's obvious you still haven't got over that assault. No, it wasn't your fault, and no, you're not any less respectable. Yes, it was not the best way to lose your virginity, but done is done, and you need to come to terms with that and continue with your life. There are men who want to marry virgins no matter what, and men who can live with a woman's past, especially one as traumatic as yours. But no 'good man' will belittle you for what you did before meeting him. If he had no hand in it, it's none of his business. You can be sure that such a man is not for you and move on.  

Answer 8

Yes, you husband will respect you. Most don't sit around and talk about  the ones they had s*x with before the marriage. I am sure you future husband has had s*x before he met you, are you going to be upset about it. We need to try and concentrate on things we can change and this is somehting you can't do anything about. try to thin about the wonderful life you will have with this man, that is all that matters anyway.