Will my mother-in-law change if and when she becomes a grandmother?

Question

Me and my fiancé have been together for five years and are getting married in two years. Since we moved in together 2 years ago his mother has been very strange. she doesnt phone ... she has this rule that if she doesnt hear from her kids they are fine (my fiance is her eldest and the second child has just gone to university) and will only call when they need something. I was studying away from home for 3 months and his family didn’t even visit him during the time i was away, he always has to go visit them. We were meant to see them at the weekend, but they went to a restaurant before we got there and said me and my fiance can go later :s this would have been the first time i had seen them in 4 months, so i found this really rude and upsetting. We then invited his family round for a dinner next weekend because it is fathers day. we only live 35min drive away and she said she would discuss with my fiance on friday :s My fiance and I are thinking about trying for baby #1

Answer 1

She could be terrified of being seen as one of these interferring old hags who always poke their noses in but has taken it to the other extreme!  

If there has been no argument and as they are lovely when you are there I'd just ask her if you have done something to upset her - and explain why you feel this way.  Tell her how much you want her to be involved in your life - especially as you are considering giving her a grandchild.  She probably thinks she is doing the right thing by letting her son live his own life and that this is what you both want.

Answer 2

Count your blessings ... I would love to have less contact with my soon to be mother inlaw!  haha  I can see why you would be upset.  In my experience, my fiance wasn't talking to his mother and then we got pregnant and he wanted her to be a part of our babies life.  Now we can't get rid of her!  Everyone is different.  Extend more invitations.  Maybe one of these days, she will come to her sences.

Answer 3

She will get WORSE trust me

Answer 4

They are wicked witches in disguise anyways... one year or another their long nails and warty nose pops out and they think they know everything!!!!!!!!!  Either way she is your MIL so you are doomed from the moment you say, " I do."   :0)  Good luck with everything!!!!  My MIL has always been a pest... they just butt in more when there is a grandchild involved...

Answer 5

Before we had children his mother in law never came to see her son, if he wanted to see his Mum and Dad he would have to go see them. She works funny shifts so she is at home  every other monday and Tuesday. So when she is at home she demands that I take the children to her (lucky she only lives down the road) But she still does not come see her son. She just moans that she does not see the grand children. No pleasing mine. Good Luck

Answer 6

It'll be her loss if she doesn't want to see her grandchildren.

Answer 7

Most likely not. People are normally rooted in their ways.

Answer 8

It is a little strange that they are not more involved in each others lives, but if your fiance and his family are ok with how their family works, then you either need to get ok with it, or find a family that you want to be a part of. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe if you call at least once a week just to chat, and tell her that you would love for her to come visit more, maybe she will feel more welcome to come. Explain that it is a huge pain for you to travel there so it would be appreciated if they would come to you once in a while too. If you havent discussed any of this with them, they wouldnt know to change. If you do discuss it with them, they still may not change. Be prapared to be apart of their family just the way it is. Thats their way of living. It may seem distant to you but it works for them. And it certainly isnt meant to be rude and personally offensive to you.

Answer 9

Don't hold your breath, love DON'T hold your breath.codger

Answer 10

Sorry, I can't remotely understand what you're complaining about. Obviously your in laws are friendly enough & nice to you when you see them: A lot of people would give anything not to be constantly bothered by relatives dropping in or phoning.

Would you be posting a different question if they phoned twice a day & called round every evening?

Finding it rude & upsetting that theywent to a restaurant is just bizarre: are your family very clingy & live in each others pockets, or are they allowed their own lives?

The transport issue is also not their fault: just because they have a car & you don't (why?) it doesn't put the onus on them to travel.

I also don't understand the relevance of the baby: do you mean that you expect built in babysitters & are worried that they won't accomodate?

My wife's family is really close & they speak or see each other daily, mine aren't and I may see one of my brothers once a year or less & probably not bother ringing him in between, but I don't worry particularly about either of our attitudes or those of our families.

Answer 11

Hi I thought my hubbys family was this way but its not only his family then, I know what you mean, my hubby has always treated this way by all his family, we live together and they never ring to see how he is or come to see him, we have to make the effort to see them etc and they are nice as pie to us like your in laws are, I dont know why there this way it could just be that parents are like this with there sons.

When I was first dating my hubby which was when we were in out teens, he couldnt drive or anything and he used to live a really far away from home and he used to always be down mine as his mum is a bit on the odd side, but he partner could drive etc but he never was offerend a life, now in our 20;s and my hubby just past his test and she expects him to give her lifts out and expects us to take her out on our days out together and also expects us to give lifts for her middles son who is nothing but trouble. its just shocking as they havent dont anything for him.

Its because they know that as soon as they get in contact out partners will jump at the chance of seeing them and they let him despite how much traveling etc.

You mother in law wont change when baby is born she infact will probably be worse and very demanding, we are expecting out first and we got married last year, and my mother in law keeps telling me once our son is born she will have him once a  week etc, Im like no chance as she drinks all the time etc and various other reason, but I just nodd and agree with her, but the thing is she demands and she will expect us to go over with our son and pick him up etc, depsite her finace working and better pay and them having a car too.

If you want a baby then its between you and your hubby not the other way round and if she doesnt change then she doesnt get to see her grandchild etc you shouldnt have to running around all the time for her and its time to make a stand.