Will my wife get back to a good mood - month old baby at home?

Question

We had a little girls 5 weeks ago. We also have a 3 and a half year old that is with us half the time from my previous marriage. I am working a lot and she is home all day with the new baby.

She was not a moody girl before, but she is not very nice to be around when I get home at night. We can't spend much time together right now, and I want my old wife back.

Help!

Answer 1

My husband and I have a 2 yr. old and a 5 week old.  Your wife will get back to her "good mood".  There are so many emotions and hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy.  It takes a while to get them back to normal.  Like you, my husband works all day while I am at home with the baby and toddler.  I am on maternity leave from work and let me just say..  working is SO MUCH easier than being a stay at home mom!  By the time you get home from work, she has been stressed and busy with kids with no breaks or time for herself all day.  It is hard because I feel that my husband doesn't help as much as he needs to.  My advice is to offer to help her out as much as possible when you get home.  Whether it's holding the baby, burping the baby, washing the dishes after dinner etc.  She will appreciate it MORE THAN ANYTHING.  Make sure you both work as a team and be sure to make time for yourselves personally and as a couple.

Answer 2

well it's a huge adjustment and being home with an infant isnt the easiest. so if you want your "old wife back" i suggest that when you get home take the baby and tell her to go out and get a manicure or pedicure or even take a shower. You may want to pitch in a little, even if its loading and unloading the dishwasher or doing a load of laundry.

bring home dinner one night or come home and cook.

when the baby falls asleep offer her a massage or foot rub and NOTHING MORE.

At dinner time have a glass of wine with her (if she's not breastfeeding)and ask her about her day, and what you can do to help her.

all these things will get you closer to your old wife but it will never be the same because you changed the dynamics by having the baby.

She is going through alot right now and it is very hard on the body (even with a c-sec) and your emotions are all over still.

This is marraige and adulthood, and parenthood and I hope that this helped you with a little insight into whats happening with her.

Answer 3

Maybe you should ask her what you can do to help her.  Give her some time to herself.  Let her have an hour of "me" time while you take care of baby.  Yes, you are working all day and would like some time to yourself too.  Tough cookies mister.  At her next appointment, bring up the issue of post partum depression.  She may have a touch of it OR she may just be exhausted and feeling under appreciated.

Answer 4

Well, just look at the roller coaster she's been on the past nine months! Huge changes in hormonal levels are partially to blame for her mood, so just give it some time. Support her, help her, listen to her, and give her space if she asks for it. Being pregnant for nine months, going through the trauma of labor and delivery, and then having a new life you're responsible for are no easy feats...so, most importantly, just try to understand. Good luck.

Answer 5

Its called post partum blues. she'll get over that soon. belive me...i been driving my husband like that for weeks.

Answer 6

You may need to get her some help. Postpartum depression may have set in and she may need counseling to get over it. You could also try calling her doctor and telling them about the situation to see if they think she needs to be evaluated. If you don't think she's that bad, give her some time--she did just have a baby! Do extra things for her and offer to help her out as much as you can. In time she will go back to being as normal as a new mom can be. Best wishes!

Answer 7

You might want to check out this website it has a lot of info for raising your baby and how to keep your marriage intact while raising the baby.  

http://parentspackage.org/

Answer 8

Chill out! she is stuck with the baby all day and then you come home and can't spend time with her with means more baby time. Ughh! Your wife needs some adult time either with you or by herself. Why don't you stay with the baby and let her go get a pedicure or massage. At least you get to go to work.

Answer 9

Your wife is probably exhausted. She might also have postpartum depression. I imagine she needs a break from the baby for a little while. Is there any way that someone could take care of the baby for a few hours so your wife can get some good sound sleep? Or if she doesn't want sleep maybe a trip to the salon would help. Get a new haircut (or maybe a new color). She probably needs some time to herself. Let her know how much you love her and make sure you let her know that she is appreciated. If you can, you take care of the baby for an evening and let her go with some girl friends (or her mother if she wants) out to dinner and a movie.  

Answer 10

You sound like my husband!  Except our 3 1/2 is both of ours!  There are so many hormonal changes going on in a woman's body after having a baby.  This, along with getting used to a new routine can make one a bit crazed, and not much fun to be around.  But this too shall pass.  You may be out working hard, but she is home with a new little being that is so dependent on her for everything...who cries sometimes, and she can't figure out why, who wants to eat...again and again...who when your wife probably finally gets to lay down and nap takes a 15 minute nap vs. an hour plus...Between the hormones and the exhaustion the poor lady doesn't know which end is up.  Be very gentle with her, give her some time, she will be fine. Make sure you are doing little things to help ease her responsibilites...make the coffee, the bed, something.  Good Luck.  

BTW, if you think she is depressed, encourage her to talk to her OB...Post partum Depression can get serious.

Answer 11

she sounds like she needs a break. Is she getting much sleep? when my baby was keeping me up all night I was a monster to be around too. when you get home offer to take care of the baby while she has a good soak in the bath. Then give her a massage after. It will make her feel a million bucks. If you can get your parents or someone to watch the baby for a few hours so you can take her out to a movie or dinner that will help too. She probably just needs a break and the best way to get her back to her old self is to do everything you can to make sure she gets one. Also tell her every day how good a mother she is.  

Answer 12

She sounds like me. I'm moodier than a mood ring itself. My husband almost went crazy the first six weeks. It was a roller coaster of hugs and screaming, lol. It's because her hormones really are out of whack (short explanation). It will take a few months for her to get back to the way she was. Try and support her as best as you can, a new baby is a lot for the both of you. If she is willing, watch the baby and allow her some 'me time', that always worked wonders for me.

Good luck! It will get better, it's only temporary!  

Answer 13

the rough patches should start to blow over within a month or so, I know I was really moody and had  slight Post partum Depression, but once I started going out more and got more comfortable with having a baby in tote, I stopped being as hormonal.

Try to help out in any ways, do the dishes, take out the garbage, offer to bathe the baby, let her go out and take a walk by herself a few times a week so she can reconnect with herself.

Answer 14

hi congrats on your new Little girl and i was exactly like your wife was when i had my girl 3 months ago i felt lonely and helpless partners off at work all day he gets home and is tired so your still stuck with the baby wheres my time i was thinking i couldn't shower in peace or catch up on sleep as when bubs is asleep there is so much house work to do...i didnt want to burden my partner as he works long hrs on the farm and what right did i have to ***** when he got home but help out more offer to have bubs when you get home and she can do what she wants sleep, shower, execise, housework or just chill out and not have to get up to the baby and help out around the house learn how to turn on a washing machine (my partner didnt know how) and do some washing b4 work and help out as much as u can by giving her breaks and hopefully this will work and soon you will notice a change (u can only hope). good luck

Answer 15

Your wife may have post partum depression, in which case she may need to see her doctor and take some medication.  Her OB sees this all the time and will know what to do.  

She may just be extremely overwhelmed and exhausted and doesn't know how to ask for help.  

Either way - here's what you can do to help her - when you walk in the door ask her what you can do to help.   Offer to take the baby so she can take a shower or a nap or get out of the house for a while by herself.  Clean anything and do it without pointing out that you did it, same for laundry, volunteer to get up with the baby in the night, if she is breastfeeding offer to bring the baby to her so she can stay in bed, tell her she looks beautiful, tell her she is an excellent mom, and that you are proud of her.  Also see if you can arrange for a sitter so you and your wife can go out on a date night.  Good Luck to both of you!

Answer 16

h**l, it's tough, but it'll pass. We had our first baby 8 months ago, and I had horrible postpartum depression for months. Felt trapped and we were both stressed to the max (our baby had bad colic, plus I had broken my tailbone during the delivery and couldn't move around very well for several months). My hubby was working and I was jealous - I was stuck at home with a screaming baby, no help from family, felt overwhelmed by it all. I would have loved to switched places.

It's just typical baby blues, making the huge adjustment, especially home alone most of the time - feeling trapped! OF course she is frustrated. If there is any way you can, give her some alone time - without the baby. Let her have a day off.

Answer 17

In all honesty you may want to calm down a little. She is only 5 weeks post partum. Her hormones are all out of whack, she has a new baby to take care of and a 3 and a half year old that she takes care of too. That is an accomplishment on a good day. She probably isn't getting enough rest. Sleep works wonders on a hormonal new mother.

Let her work it out for 5 more weeks. Still no improvment after 10 weeks then she may be suffering from post partum depression.

Take it easy on here and be extra supportive. Your wife deserves that.

Answer 18

:) Sorry I am laughing as I'm reading your post. Perhaps you should get together with my husband and just gossip. But seriously, he was in the same boat  when we had ours.

I was a zombie, my hormones were everywhere, I didn't think there was a way out. and of course I didn't make it easier on him either. I thought why should I make life easier for him, when he gets a break by going to work and I'm stuck at home all day with a baby. Poor thing he was...

But it does change. I mean your life will probably never be the same, but your wife will get better with your help perhaps? My husband and I had a conversation where we realized that I tried to do too much at once and hence resenting him for not being able to cook, clean, watch the baby and shower at the same time. We figured out that he doesn't care if there's always dinner at the table, takeouts are there for the taking, and I relaxed a bit.

Then he'd come home and immediately pick the child up and say out loud: HEY! Let's give mummy a break! She will now sit down, out her feet up and tell us all about what you've been up to. and it worked!!!!! At first I grizzled a bit, saying - what do you think we've been up to? but then i realized he was genuine and I would put my feet up with a glass of warm milk and just watch them play.

try it?

Answer 19

Give her time ok, having a baby &  dealing with being at home by yourself can be overwhelming especially for a new mom. I was in a good mood with my first child for the first few weeks then i did a complete turn around & was so mean to my hubby. He finally made me talk to my doctor at my 6 week check up bc i was so depressed. I had postpartum depression & went to some counseling, I made my hubby be in there with me & it helped alot. He had to make me though & when i finally let it all out my frustrations & fears my husband finally could relate to me. Im not saying she has post partum she could justbe a little down the baby blues or what not. Have you tried making time for you & her without the baby even just for a couple hours. I know with a new baby you really don't wantn anyone watching him/her but a few hours won't hurt & pamper her. You coud even try to let her have some alone time to go out shopping & you keep the baby. If she's breastfeeding she could pump or she could feed the baby & then gofor a few hours & be back in time for the feeding. I know your probably tired from work but your wife is having to deal with all kinds of emotions & mixed feelings. Make her get out of the house if she doesn't. Even when your home you could do something special for her my hubby still will tell me baby go lock yourself in the bathroom i got the baby/kids now. He would run me a bubble bath with candles & put a magazine i liked in there & say go! She  can take a bath now maybe not a bubble bath but plain water she can. Cook her dinner or get her flowers, it doesn't have to be anything expensive just thoughtful. You've got to realize to she may not feel very s**y or like a woman, especially if you can't have s*x yet. try making her feel s**y & beautiful. Have you tried talking to her about what was wrong in a nice calm manner without sounding like your criticizing her? she might just need you to listen & spend some time on her. Have patience with her but don't ignore it & let her know htat you still love her & are there for her if she needs you. She might even just need for you to hold her while she breaks down, bc depending on what she is feeling she might be ashamed to talk about it. I hope things get better for you & her.