Will someone please give me advice on this? I don't know what to do.

Question

I had my daughter when i was 18. I didn't know the guy very well, and we stopped seeing each other before I found out that I was pregnant, so I never told him. A couple years ago, my mom told my daughter that her father had passed away, even though he hadn't. I didn't agree to it, but I went along with it because I didn't know what else to do. But now what can I do? I want her to know the truth, but I don't want her to hate me or my mother.

Answer 1

  She needs to know the truth ,,,, I think your mother was out of line telling her such a thing ,,,, You are going to have to gage when it's the right time to tell her though ,,,,You didn't 'mention any ages other than yours when you had the child ,,,,  When you decide on the time and place just come out with it ,,,, Start out by telling her that you have a confession to make ,,,, Explain what you said in your post that this was her grandmothers idea and you didn't know what else to say at the time ,,,, Just be open and honest with her now ,,,, She should and deserves to know the truth ,,,,    //

Answer 2

You need to sit down and explain it to her....if you let it go then imagine somewhere down the road she finds out by someone other than you - at that point she would have reason to be angry with both of you.  You didn't mention her current age but the younger she is the less angry she probably will be....pre-teen or teen will probably be mad at you for a bit but that is their nature, everything is drama and more intense.  Nothing good can come of lies and the sooner it is set straight the better things will be in the end.  

(As a side note - do you know where the father is now?  would it be possible to bring him into her life?  or at least tell him about her in case she ever goes looking for him.... if he knows about it and you know his reaction it could help prepare her.)

Answer 3

Tell your child the truth about her father, ask her forgiveness. Your mother made a stupid decision, and you just went along with it. How did you protect your child, which is your job as her mother? Tell your daughter the truth, tell her the truth about how she was conceived and then help her find her father. Your daughter needs to be able to trust you, she can't do that if you lie to her.  

Answer 4

Hi

Sit her down and systematically explain to her the incidences which led to the lie etc and tell her the truth.She will understand.

Answer 5

Just say "Grandma made a mistake, your daddy is not in heaven, he just lives far away."

It is better to clean it up now before she gets older and the impact would be more intense.

Best wishes

Answer 6

As i believe that you know the "truth shall set you free" no matter what thats just that. Your kid will understand it might not be now but someday. I think what you must do is to basically explain your position at the time you were young and ignorant. Now you have grown up and you want to tell her the truth, just do it in a very humble and sorry manner, dont paint your mom with a bad brush just explain that you did it to protect her. To some extend we all do mistakes. lastly but not least just tell the truth anyway girl children unlike boys are sweet and understanding, if she wants to find out more you will take it from there but it is the right thing to do. Gud luck!