Will someone please read my autobiography and give me some feed back? it's kinda long.?

Question

Just One Turn

“Swim fast, turn hard. Swim fast, turn hard.” I kept telling myself as I was waiting for my race. This was it. If I swam that 50 yards fast enough then I would make it to the Arizona Division II State Championships for my first ever individual event.

I placed my goggles over my eyes and pressed them on tightly, so tight they were sure not to let a single molecule of water pass between my skin and the rubber that lined the lenses. My mind was racing between all the thoughts in my head; things I needed to do and things I shouldn’t do. “Calm down,” I thought. I filled my lungs full of air, held it in for a bit, relaxed my all the muscles in my back and arms as I let the air flow out. “Here Goes.” I said aloud.

The timer looked up at me with a slight grin, “Good Luck.”

It wasn’t about luck. I knew it and she knew it. This was about the hours, the energy, the work and the tears I put into making this race my best. This was about skill and desire. Nothing less.

I saw the block ahead of me. It had a six on the top. I couldn’t see it but I knew it was there, mocking me. The six means that I barely made it to the finals. The only girl that was slower than me was in lane one. We were separated by less than a half a second. I fact that shouldn’t have bothered me because it is such a short race, first place and sixth place are rarely separated by more than two or three seconds. But it tormented me.

I stepped closer to the old, rickety block, pulled the edge of my cap over the top of my suction cup like goggles, and did my normal pre-race routine. First ten small vertical hops. Next, I throw my arms around myself almost like a hug and back three times. To top it off I tilt my head to both sides to crack my neck. Individually these things may seem trivial and pointless, but combined in this order, they make the perfect formula for relaxed preparation. I’m ready.

“swimmers step up.” blasted through the speakers to my right. The sound of the starter’s voice flooded my ears suddenly and startled me back into my nervous state of mind. I tried to keep my heart from beating out of my chest as I took the command and made my way up the two faded black, wobbly steps. One more deep breath before I bend down towards my toes, but not touching them. Just hanging loosely- well as loosely as can be expected.

“Swim fast, turn hard.” I whisper to my self and the water below.

The harsh sound of the starter’s voice rips through the speakers again, “Take your mark.” I reach a few inches further and grab the edge of the starting block. The ugly, wet, carpet-like material squishes under my feet and cringe. If there is something bad about being on a swim team, that would be it.

I look down at the water, hoping that somehow it will be thinner in my lane than in all the others. It’s smooth. Soft waves roll over the surface. How can it be so calm when just above adrenaline is racing through my veins and my muscles quake with anticipation? It feels like an eternity waiting for the go signal. Then suddenly I hear it, the sharp beep echoes in my ears.

I push off hard, leaving the soppy blocks behind and stretch my body out as long and as strait as I can. Midway in the air I blink, and before I can open my eyes again I’m submerged in crisp, cold water. Goose-bumps cover my body entirely as I kick my way to the surface. I thrash my way through the water with no other thoughts in my head but the way I know my strokes should look and feel.

I felt the ach of oxygen debt. Not yet, I pushed myself to go further before I would let my air out into the water. When I couldn’t squeeze out anymore, I held on with nothing, but not for long. I turned my head to take a quick breath, as I did right in front of my face I saw my coach. There’s wasn’t enough time to think about her, so I turned my face back in the water. There it was just ahead of me, the wall. My mind flashed back to the day before when I was racing this same event.

I went into the turn hard but it was too soon. As I went to push off, I felt the wall weakly touch the tip of my toes. I had no other reaction then to let out a swear. Thankfully muffled by water. It was stupid of me to waste my air on an angry word, I knew it. I had just one turn and I blew it. I tried my hardest to catch up, and I did-barely. I should have been ahead.

I wasn’t going to miss it, not this time. I concentrated on the small blue tiles stuck into the floor of the pool. Just when there were no more, I tucked my head in hard and fast. As I went to push off the wall I felt it. And pushed hard, harder than I ever have before. Just one turn and I hit it.

25 yards to go and I was feeling good. I needed to take more breaths now, I was getting tired, I was slowing down. But I was so close, 15 yards. I closed my eyes and exerted all I had left into the remaining distance. Finally, I touched the wall. I was finished.

I didn’t know wha

Answer 1

Wow, that is a good story. Every once and a while you had some little typos, though. Your story had depth and motion and really keeps the reader going. You also didn't just say, "I pulled my goggles on!", but you gave details to go along with it! I think that you should definetly show that paper to your teacher, a newspaper, your friends, and/or a story contest. Good job!

Answer 2

it was a great short story, don't mind the critics cause the the gist of your autobiography is the heroine goin to fulfill her dreams.

Answer 3

the beginning is great...the last portion that you added in the additional details is muddy...the mention of the other races is confusing since you only speak of the details of one race.