Will someone please read this!?

Question

I'm a 19 year old guy who has never had any friends before. The people I've been with never really cared that I did have any friends. I was tossed around from one family to another throughout my upbringing. I moved from one place to another because either the families grew and I was push out, or they simply didn't want to take care of me anymore. So when I graduated from high school I was told to pack my things and live out on my own

It just really gets me down to not have a single person to share my thoughts with my entire life. I'm just really confused. I don't even know if a have a real mother or father. Being through six different families makes me really down trotted because it feels like I have no value to anyone. I would love to have someone as a friend, but I simply don't think people will even consider it. Then there is another part of me that says NO, you should not try to make any friends at all. It is really embarrassing to have been through 6 families.

I'm so confused. What should I do?

Answer 1

I can be your friend :) got a myspace?

http://www.myspace.com/javierb88  

but don't worry about it dude, yes, life sucks most of the time but hey, at least you got one.

and yeah, I know what you mean, I've never really felt like the guy that fits right in. people think im weird.. eh. who cares what they think.

Answer 2

There's far more to this than what others are telling you on this site.

I am assuming that, when you say you went through six families, you were in foster care of some kind. I was in charge of this for the state of Connecticut for some time, and I know a bit about what you're saying.

For one thing, you are talking about a "failure to belong." (Today the "in" term is "attachment disordered" but it means pretty much the same thing that Dr. Alfred Adler talked about a century ago! (See http://www.lifecourseinstitute.com for lots of stuff on Adler.)

Adlerians speak of six ways to Belong in the family: By gaining Affection, Attention, Approval, Control, Fairness, and Help. If you did not succeed at one or more of these ways to be significant to others, you chose to be discouraged (in contrast with "encouraged"). Being discouraged means being "down-hearted," or without the hope you need to move confidently into the future.

Now it is getting late for you (you're 19) and you are realizing what you missed and wonder how to make up for the lack. You are wondering if it will be this way for the rest of your life: always on the outside looking in. You are determined to Belong with important others, but you're not sure how to go about it, or where to start.

You are starting to think it may be easier to not try to get close to people or mean something to them. Sometimes you think it's your fault, other times yo think that people just don't care, or they are against you, or they don't want to be a friend.

Well, it IS easier to do nothing to to do something, just as it is easier to blame others or the world or universe or anything else outside of you. I am not saying your situation now is your fault; it is also not the fault of anyone else either.

Set fault aside, and think instead of what you can do from now on.I hope you will find a positive therapist, preferably a "cognitive therapist" or an "Adlerian therapist" who can help you keep your thoughts straight and positive and hopeful and goal-oriented.

If you want to email me about this, try [e-mail].

-- Dr. Bob, Adlerian Psychologist

Answer 3

i think that you should get out there and make frends, it is natural for you to think that you should not make any friends, but that is the wrong thing to think....now that you are older and in charge of your own life, you should get out in the world and start being social...remember that in life you make your own family....there are lots of people out there who have parents but still feel as if they have no one because there arents do not care to spend any time with them....you have the strength and ability to make your own family in this world, and i think you should get started right away....don't feel down about anything, going through what you've gone through has made you a very strong person, and nothing can touch you now...no chop chop lad, that dream family awaits :)

Answer 4

Hey Dude,

   There Should Be no Embarrassment at all, you at least had people who cared for you throughout your life.. and just because you don't have any friends doesn't mean its too late to find any.. Im Always up for meeting new friends, where are you from?

Answer 5

JED rocks, You need friends. If you wish, you could have me as a friend. I have listed you as a fan on mine. You also could do it and try to contact me through Yahoo, and then I will send you my email address.

Be courageous. You can help yourself.

Answer 6

Go out there, get yourself a job, a roof over your head.  Those people you meet at work, be nice and sociable towards them.  Join a sports team.  Join the military you'll meet people there.  YES you should have friends.  Yes it may be embarrassing that you have lived with so many families but remember, you are not alone, many people have lived in similar circumstances.  Whether being in Foster homes or moving around alot, you are not alone

Answer 7

aw.. you should definitely try to make friends..Find some activities that you enjoy and maybe you can meet some new friends through that.. your gunna be lonely all by urself.. that is a really sad story and i feel really bad for you..

I would be ur friend!!

Answer 8

Hi Sweetie,

  You are worth a lot especially to your self. You have to love your self before you can make friends and love somebody. If you want to meet nice people and do things with people go to church and i think you will feel a lot better about your self and Life.

  Very sad story and life you have had,but don't blame your self,you will find some friends soon and may be a girl friend. You have time on your side My Friend.

  If you want a friend on this site you can email me and i will email you back.Yes i will be your friend if you want a friend as you have told all of us here. Be strong and you will be okay.

Your Friend,

poppy1

Answer 9

I just did! Hah!

No really I do see what you are going through. Okay do some things like going to the gym or college classes.

Definitely find some temp work first and simultaneously do trade school stuff. At the same time get in shape while you have more energy and are still 19.

Listen there are people out there who WILL try to get you into a drug bust type situation or get you in a situation with coke or meth or anything that will kill you or otherwise ruin your life by no fault whatsoever of your own.

READ CONSTITUTIONAL LAW! There is a book called "The Outlaw's Bible" that outlines a lot of the stuff you need to learn about constitutional law in a helpful way. This is **** that will be glossed over in college because in college there will be more emphasis on you being a part of this thing that is a hilarious social experiment of your life called "the work force" or "society" not on you actually learning anything which no one lets you know until you find out for yourself- is your own responsibility not a teachers or parents or professors. (My father always said "Those who know do- Those who can't teach." If you ever take a literature class you'll understand.)

And learn how to skip town in case someone does try to take advantage of you!

Anyway go to the gym or classes to be in shape.

DON'T DO ANYTHING IMPULSIVE LIKE SELL YOURSELF OR NUMB YOURSELF OUT!! You're very young. I'm really young but you are reaaaaallllllyyy young. You have the whole world in front of you if you stick with it.

LEARN before you WORK - WORK before you SOCIALIZE - SOCIALIZE before you even think twice about considering someone a FRIEND

Especially since people in your situation are preyed on! I should know. I had an exgirlfriend who told me that she wanted to marry me but she hurt me because what she really loved was coke! She didn't even care that she exploited me up to clean up the messes of her and her cokebuddy she shacked up with because I was "the responsible one". She didn't even care that I lived in about the most dangerous place in the world and never even considered asking how I was after she split up with me (not like it would obligate her to be a friend of mine or anything it's just what courteous people do in a situation like that)! I've had so many traumatic experiences with women especially since about the only women I'd known never gave a **** about me they only wanted to exploit me for coke!! So now I don't think any woman would obviously want to consummate anything with me unless she'd basically want to prostitute herself to me!

I locked myself inside two or three times for lengths of time until each time I had a nervous breakdown!

I had to deal with **** with feeling unsafe where I was left at so I on a whim got a roommate for myself but whoops did he give a ****! **** no! He tried to stiff me on rent three ******* times!!!!! He took my ******* room without even ************* ASKING!! (Something I was so happy to learn after I left.) He made sure and everyone else did that every communication with another woman would be one in which I'd get shot down in and left in the ******* lurch! (Which is why I only either sleep with women who are prostitutes or watch p**n but other than that it's all very boring and depressing.)

I had my roommate invite EVERYONE over who had either **** or more than a set number of teeth in my ******* house even to the point where they invited over literally everybody.

One stupid ***** who was fat too by the way nearly got me in the middle of some ******* drug bust and I told my roommate "Here is why this person is not welcome here." He had her over anyway later when I wasn't around and I told him "Umm okay well at least you know that since I'm telling you this now you will kind of have a problem paying the other 1000 for the rent once I'm a straw-man or patsy." He totally took no responsibility whatsoever.

About all the people he had over were from the ************* bar he worked at and he even did so much as to just give them the ******* keys.

He was so ******* kind as to extend his courtesy to someone who had raped someone he claimed was a ******* "friend" (obviously not since afterwards he right away backed up the ******* rapist).

My exgirlfriend had once invited someone who was an employee of hers to crash because he was shot at especially without asking me first either or coming up with any options and after she walked him right into that SITUATION ANY-*******-WAY!!!

Oh and there was some **** that went down with a promoter where he falsely accused someone of his counterfeit ticket scheme and thanks to him that motherfuckers life is ruined. That was the first clique I had to get the h**l out of.

Too much bullshit. Too much coke. Too much meth. I was the sober person. I was the victim. I'll always be the victim. I couldn't take it. I got hooked on some painkillers for a little while and later I took the cord of my bathrobe and wrapped it around my neck!

You have a chance! You have time! At least you are aware of what is likely to happen to you so you can prevent it and be in a better and safer and less malevolent and disturbing and depressing place.

Answer 10

You should not be embarrassed because of the cards that you have been dealt in life. The fact that you want friends even after all that rejection is great. It shows you have a kind heart and an open mind. You like everyone else deserves friends and love. I'll be your pen pal...there's one friend!

Answer 11

Your case is rare mate, you are not worthless, you have just had a hard life. I would welcome your friendship in a heartbeat if I lived near you.

You DEFINITELY should try to make friends, dont listen to those voices at all. and dont even THINK that your not valuable, what a lie! Your every bit as valuable as anyone else. All it means is a mistake on everyone ELSES part in your life for not seeing that!

Answer 12

People won't look down on you for having been through six families.  It's not like it's your fault. I agree with the first answer.  If you pursue hobbies and things you're interested in, you'll get to know people that you already have AT LEAST one thing in common with.  It's a good way to start a conversation.  The main thing is, say hi to someone now and then.  Ask someone a question if you want to start a conversation.  You're really strong obviously, and have been through a lot.  I think you would be a good friend, because you would understand when I was feeling down.  But definitely strike up some conversations.  

Answer 13

you shud go fine your self a m8t life's S****y some times  i had bad parents but you do learn to love your self again that's the most important thing to do hun  forget the rest its over its now your life now go enjoy it ....... in time you will find that some one special