Will someone rate my poem and give me there thoughts? (but dont bash piiiz)?

Question

they say its all a really sick....really sick trick...

tooo get to my heart you would have needed an ice pick but youre warmth melted it all away......

dont let this be oure last day..let it trickle on like a soft tickle up the spine that you know feels fine...so dont let me slip away...DONT LET THIS BE OUR LAST DAY! cause i swear i wont make it through...without you...

no...i wont be okay...if this is our last day,,,i swear i wont make it through...because i love you....

Answer 1

It sounds more like a song to me. Since poems usually have a set outline with stanzas. I don't know if yahoo just doesn't let you set up the message like that to make it look more like a poem. The overall message was very nice. It's refreshing to finally see a poem that isn't all doom and gloom like most of the poems I see (mostly from friends). I liked the simile "let it trickle on like a soft tickle up the spine". My only real suggestion would be to give it a bit more of a set form. Instead of using "..." or something of that sort. Besides that, poetry should be about an expression of your feelings and as long as you accomplish that goal, I'd consider the poem a success. I did enjoy it though. Short and sweet ^_^

Answer 2

i think your poem is really sweet and heartfelt. don't listen to those who critise it unless its advice.

Answer 3

I would say it needs some metaphors

Answer 4

OMG THAT WAS REALLY REALLY ADORABLE i LOVED iT!!!

Answer 5

I love it!!

Except for this part cause i swear i wont make it through...without you...

I just fee it is too common,

the best part is let it trickle on like a soft tickle up the spine that you know feels fine.

Keep up the good work!

Answer 6

i like it it shows how Much this person loves or want to be with the other