Will someone read a story i wrote?

Question

Its here:

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=df83f6z7_4c2b3jxgv

Its not done yet.

How much does it suck? i Just wrote it (im 14)

Answer 1

you have very good grammar...

shockingly good. :P

its alright...although i dont see where its going...

Answer 2

I did some revision for you, but no where to send it. :( I just revised some of the grammar and spelling. :) You're doing a great job. Keep in mind that any good story requires lots of revision to get it to its final point. Just make sure you read and re-read the story a lot so you keep on track and close any open holes in the plot. :)

Good luck! :)

Answer 3

I think that, with a lot of revision, this might be an okay story. You've got an interesting story line, but I don't really know where you're going with it. A word of advice: big words don't make good stories. Anyone can pick words at random and use a thesaurus to sound more intelligent. In a couple of places so far, it seems like you're trying too hard. Sometimes, simpler is better. It's more life-like. I'm not sure I really like the whole introduction followed by a title thing. This doesn't really work in a written story. That only works with movies. It just seems like essentially, you're saying the same thing twice, in a different set of paragraphs. Maybe you should try to eliminate some stuff that's repeated, and make it into one big introduction, with the title at the top of the page.

I hope this helps, sorry if I'm sounding harsh.

Answer 4

no offense but you should start it off a little better! sorry if i hurt your feelings! good luck!

Answer 5

it's good!! nice descriptions and everything. there a few typos, but that's it. you should make the men be in an illegal dealing business, and josef could be new at it and that's why he's so kind to chloe. you could have chloe over hear them talking some illegal business, and she runs away scared at what she hears, and the men find out she's missing and their scared that she'll tell the police, so they try to hunt her down. it could be the ultimate quest to find chloe and i don't think the end should be happy b/c it'll be the twist. it's a really good draft!!

Answer 6

Its pretty interesting , I did skip some parts since the narration at the beginning was too long. Also I haven't read or heard anything similar to your story, so it has some originality and for a 14 year old, you have some imagination. You have established somewhat an intriguing plot and makes reader, like me- wonder how in the h**l the main actor -girl, survived on her own and what would happened to her.

Nice!

Answer 7

I like it.

Very interesting plot, although I'm not too sure where it's heading....