Will the mommy wars ever end?

Question

Secrets of Truth-

I've been a working mom and an at-home-mom (currently) and I agree with you to a point- but some women are miserable at home and I honestly and truly believe that if you *HATE* being at home then your kids are going to pick up on that and not be as happy. I think a kid whose mother doesn't like being home is better off in childcare.

I do enjoy being home and you're right, it is a sacrifice but to us it was worth it.

Answer 1

I think it's a lot more magnified on here than in real life, the fact is people can bicker and boo each other on here without any consequences and remain annonymous.  There will always be differences of opinion on parenting but I aggree with you, it's totally tedious reading other peoples totally biased opinions towards one thing or another.  I believe that in 'real' life most people are far less forthcoming with their personal opinions, they just use this site to put down other parents that have genuine problems believing that their own lives are so 'practically perfect in every way'! We also have to remember that there are many different nations that all use this site, USA, UK, Canada, Australia to name a few, all of whom vary on their parenting views in some way or another, there's bound to be some fireworks!

Hey *Smile* I totally agree with u on that one, I have a 5yr old and that parent group are so definitely up their own backsides it's unreal!!

Answer 2

I don't think they will.  I've been a home mom and a working mom sometimes.  I really try my hardest to accept all moms for whatever style they choose...whether I personally agree with it or not.   Easier said then done sometimes......read on:

My kids are 8 and 10 and I just witnessed an older boy down the street lift my son up by the neck and pour a bottle of water on his head.  I am so absolutely furious right now I could storm down there and rip the door right off that mother's house and tell her what I think of her "parenting skills."  So, no....debates about parenting don't really get any easier.  Sorry!

Answer 3

I agree that mother's are in too much competition with one another.  I remember when I was a new mom (about 15 years ago) and I noticed for the first time how competitive other moms were.  Actually it went right over my head at first because I am so not competitive, I failed to notice that was what it was.  When I did notice, I was a little confused because I was wondering, "Is she trying to one up me?"  Sure enough, I learned soon that most moms will do it.  Not all, but definitely most.

I usually act like I don't get it.  I just pretend that I don't even notice that this other mom is competing with me and that usually helps to put the other mom at ease because she knows I am not trying to be better than her.  I have also learned to watch what I say lest a nearby mom think I am trying to compete.  For example, I am very vocal about my kids happenings.  If they do something good, I tell it, if they do something funny, I tell it.  Like wise, when they do something bad,I tell it, too.  Anyway, I do know a few moms who I don't even mention my kids accomplishments to because they will be sure to think I am trying to one up and sure enough, here comes their competition.  I can do without it.  I have learned that these particular moms are NOT my friends.  They only wish to compare and compete and it's no fun to me.

Anyway, having said all that I'll give my opinion on your question, "Will the mommy wars ever end? "  I don't think so.  There will always be the moms who think they are better (or that wish they were) than everyone else and who think that if any other kid does something good , it means their own kid has come in second place.  The problem lies with people not having the self esteem to be confident in their own parenting, so they compare how they do with what everyone else is doing.  I don't care what anyone else does.  I am very confident that I am doing what is best for my kids. Sure, I make mistakes, but I have the confidence to trust myself to fix the problem and move on.  I don't see my individual mistakes as a failure on my parenting ability, so  therefore I don't look to what other moms are doing for validation that I am a good mom.  If everyone would trust themselves, we wouldn't feel the need to compete with each other.

Answer 4

I am accepting of it all. I don't agree with some of it. Strongest being on the working aspect. It's nothing but bad news. There are only 24 hours in a day...a mom should be home with the kids. It's in the best interest of the entire family. Broken homes, and 2 parents working are crumbling the "American family", and it's discusting. Some people don't have a choice...but the majority of them are just too slefish and greedy to give up their luxuries. So if their sunglasses, and hand bags, and shoes are more worth their time than their kids...then there isn't anything to respect about someone like that. My opinion on that won't ever change. The Range Rover isn't important. The years salary working to buy it isn't important. The times the kids were left alone, and had no parent there to teach/guide them...that pisses me off to no end.

Thats the only strong view I have on any of it. It isn't about who works more and who doesn't. It's about who is home with their kids and who isn't. The answer is obvious, and in my eyes very important.

Answer 5

no it is human nature to be at odds with one another. Everyone has their own opinions and everyone thinks they are right.

Add women in it who are very competitive and protective of their children. Yeah, nothing is going to change.

Answer 6

I honestly doubt it will ever end...it's been going on for years...and I'm sad to say it, but I'm sure it will continue to go on for years after we're all gone. I love this question though, but I've got a feeling all the 'at war mommies' who need to read this will breeze right past it :( I wish we could all learn to support one another with all of our choices...being a parent is tough and I joined yahoo answers to find other moms to support me and help me along the way...not to be beat down for my choice to breast feed, for my choice to support formula feeding moms, for my choice to co sleep at first, for my choice to use the ferber method to get Ian into his crib, for my choice to quit work and be at home full time, for my choice to work from home and stay at home as mommy 24/7......I've found a lot of great moms on here who are supportive, but I've found a mom at war for every supportive mom. :( We need to start empowering one another and stop tearing eachother down!

Answer 7

I believe mommy wars will go on for as long as we live for one reason or another.  I can be accepting of others as long as they don't believe that their way is the only "right" way or they don't have the "know it all" attitude.  Every last one of us is doing our best and giving our children the best opportunities that we can give them.  

I personally am a stay at home mom of two children by choice because I would rather stay at home...it's my preference and my husband's job allows it.  I use traditional parenting and discipline because it is what has worked for me and my husband and it's working quite wonderfully for our children.  I have both formula fed and breast fed.  I formula fed my oldest because he lost interest in the breast and was losing weight.  I breast feed my current baby (who is 2 months old) because she took to it well.  I have no desire to say I am better than the other mom who chose to formula feed.  All of us have our different styles.  The only time I will not stand for a person's differences is when they try to tell me that their way is the most effective and only right way and when they act full of themselves.  

I worry about my family and their needs.  Others would do well to mind their own families' needs as well without being critical of others.

Answer 8

When we have younger kids we tend to harp on and on about our type of parenting and we are so sure that we all know the exact perfect way. LOL

Then the kids start to get a little older and you tweak things here and there, and you start understand no one is perfect and you're just doing your best.

I have a daughter that's ten. The parents from this age group are way more relaxed and less uptight then the parents I deal with in my 5 year olds group. They are the s****. *I know best* bunch.

They'll learn. It doesn't matter if you are attachment parent or a *teach your kids independence* parent- if your doing your best, your kids do well, they are happy , healthy and thriving- who cares how they got to that point?

Answer 9

It is all in how we are raised. If your parents are complaining about others then you will also complain. I believe you need to accept people, but I don't think you have to accept their choices. I am not going to tell someone that they should formula or breast feed, stay at home or work, but I have witnessed the raising of over 400 children and I do know what choice work best, so if I am asked I will give my opinion about things, but I will not degrade or cut down the parent for not taking my suggestion or doing something I feel is wrong. I do think too many people try to butt their nose into parents lives. Why can't parents just raise their children and just because one parent feels children need discipline and another parent doesn't believe in discipline, why should you butt your nose in, this goes the same with breast or formula. As parents we have the right to raise our children the way we feel is best.