Will this be socially <span title="accepted?.....................?">accepted?...................</span>

Question

I have a friend who is married. Her and her husband are 25. They were planning to go off of Birth control like 6 weeks ago.....then all of a sudden changed their minds.....now they want to adopt.

They plan to adopt 2 black brothers. 4 and 6.

My friends are white.

Do you think there will be a problem with society accepting them as a family that is completely opposite when it comes to racial aspects?

Do you think this is a good or bad idea?

They can provide a loving home for the kids, but I think they will come from two completely different backgrounds.......what do you think???

Answer 1

Sounds like the two kids are very lucky to me...are you living in the dark ages?  People don&#039;t have to marry the same color or have kids of the same color anymore.  LOVE is what counts.

Answer 2

I think its fine many couples do trans racial adoption. There are books and materials that this couple can get and read. They might also check out www.adoption.com  forum boards they have a section on Trans racial adoption Parents and African American adoption Parents.

They have some things to consider would their families be accepting of their sons? What’s the area they live in like. Do they feel that most of the area where they live would be accepting of the boys. If not they might find it better to move to a more diverse neighborhood if they can. Obviously they also will want to make sure the boys had access to some black friends. Perhaps looking up a group in their area or something.  Have access to a black hair salon that can do the boys hair or give them advice or how to do it themselves. If this couple has some black friends that would be a plus if they don’t they might think of making some.

Obviously there is preparing that must be done when anyone is adopting but even more when the child is of another race. There are books, support groups out there for this. I think it can make a family much richer adopting children of another race, since you can learn new things about other cultures, learn about other places like where your ancestors family came from etc.    

I applaud your friends and wish them the best of lucky, for accepting a siblings group , that’s very nice that these brothers have a couple willing to take them both and don’t care about their skin color.

Answer 3

From the interracial perspective, I can speak with conviction.  

I am of Western European extraction while my husband&#039;s ancestry is Egyptian.  In a post-9/11 world, the idea of a white woman marrying an Arab is not very popular with some people.  

The truth is that the first time I saw someone sneer at us and then spit in disgust (has happened more than once) when he saw us walking and holding hands, I felt a surge of pity. To be so blinded and to be missing out on so many friends and opportunities by rejecting people wholesale struck me as a very lonely way to live.

And the fact is that one of the greatest unifiers for any group is a common &#039;enemy&#039;.  The small amount of animosity that my husband and I have received has drawn us closer, not farther apart.

And everyone comes from different families, backgrounds, parts of the country or different countries, and has their own way of doing things.  They and the children will all need to be flexible and find a way to live together, just like they did when they got married.  It&#039;s no different.

Answer 4

Well, I think it depends on your community.  Where I live, it would be regarded as fairly normal.  A lot of people adopt outside their race here, usually from other countries, but no one finds it unacceptable.  There will be challenges for the family to help the boys identify with their culture as well as their parents, but overall, I think it doesn&#039;t matter.

Answer 5

Not at all

I have a brother who is black and people understood

and thoes who ddont dont need to understand its not their life

Answer 6

If they are 25, they are probably mature enough to have thought of all the complications already.  To be honest,  how their friends accept them is according to the types of friends she has.  They probably already know which ones won&#039;t accept the boys, and they will probably lose those relationships.

In past decades they have tried to match children of color with parents of color, but the need far outweighs the number of adopting parents.  I admire your friends for taking this step.

Answer 7

I think it is wonderful what your friends are doing.  I&#039;m sure there will be situations where people will disagree with them, but I hope that won&#039;t discourage them.  There seem to be more and more children&#039;s books featuring mixed families these days because it is a growing phenomenon.  (My husband and I are different ethnicities so my daughter is mixed and has grandparents who live in another country.)  

There is a movie that I heard of that deals with the issue you are concerned about.  I haven&#039;t seen it myself, but I think it is called &quot;Losing Isiah.&quot;  It has Meryl Streep.  But I think this movie takes a less progressive view about the issue.

Answer 8

Race is not the issue here.  It is going from trying to have a bio child one month to adopting the next -- with no transition, education, sharing, thought, or soul searching.

Adopting a child is not a lite decision.  For the sake of the children, and this is what it should be about, let someone prepared and ready and committed to adoption parent these little boys.

Then if they truly want to adopt, or want to adopt transracially, then they need to go to adoption groups, talk with other adoptive parents, go to agencies for counseling, look into transracial adoption, read, etc.

And have lots and lots of conversations as a couple.

Children are not toys we suddenly decide we want.

Answer 9

One of the nice things about today&#039;s society is that it is more accepting of multi-cultural families.  Friends of ours adopted four children of another race and they have all grown up fine.  I don&#039;t even think about them being &quot;different&quot;.  Another friend of ours has two adopted children of another race.  They also are doing great.  

I think it&#039;s wonderful that your friends have decided to adopt.  It is a beautiful thing.

Answer 10

I think that at some point, they will find someone who has a problem with that, but who freakin&#039; cares! I think it&#039;s awesome that they want to save these children and raise them in a loving home...skin color doesn&#039;t matter, LOVE matters! I have a co-worker who has 3 Asian kids and she is white, but she loves them and they love her and she doesn&#039;t get c**p for it. There is another co-worker of mine who is going to be getting a new niece from Guatemala and her sister who is adopting the girl, is white.

I think adoption is fabulous no matter what race you are, and anyone who wants to say something to your friends can just keep it to themselves. Plus, when you have different cultures coming together, it makes for a FUN and interesting family! Good luck to your friends! :o)

Answer 11

I believe your friends have innocent motives, but maybe you could encourage them to ask for perspectives/feedback from black folks before they make their decision.

As white parents, they cannot teach their children to fit into black culture. And unfortunately, the kids may never feel fully accepted in white culture either.

I guess white parents would be better than no parents, but why go through the whole &#039;misfit&#039; struggle if there may be black couples out there who would like to adopt?

Answer 12

People always have an opinion on something that is not normal to them or not familiar.  Your friends to those children will be mom and dad not the white people that brought us to their home.  Your friends are doing a wonderful thing by giving children a loving home whether they are black. white, Asian, etc.

I am sure that your friends will always be up front with the kids that they were chosen, special children and that they are loved and that is the important thing.  I think it is a great thing that are doing and all of the best to them.

Answer 13

To h**l with society. How wonderful that your friends are adopting 2 older children. I think it is great.

Answer 14

I think that is a beautiful idea.  They obviously want to help 2 of the worlds millions of orphaned or unwanted children instead of bringing more babies into the world.  Look at Angelina Jolie...she does just this and is praised for it...so why shouldn&#039;t your friends be as well?  There is absolutely no reason to think they couldn&#039;t be accepted as a family because of the differences in skin colour.  

Just be supportive of your friends...and give them help if they need it...they may just need help raising 2 boys aged 4 and 6!!  I have one 5 year old boy and he is like a tornado! lol.

Answer 15

It is sad to say still in this day and age that some people will not accept them socially!  I commend your friends for wanting to adopt and support their decision whole heartily!

Answer 16

there are all sorts of families about these days and though you still get ignorant people who may try and tell them they are wrong overall i think society is getting more and more accepting!

i saw a couple last week who were white and had 2 youngish black boys obviously &#039;their&#039; children..they all looked happy together and like a fully functioning, loving family..

it is love that matters at the end of the day..

although i do think it will be important for your friends to learn about these boys cultural background and help them learn about it too as they grow up because they will want to know and the best thing for all children is to grow up with as much honesty as possible anbout their background and their family, whether it be blood or adopted.

Answer 17

I think it&#039;s great. Nobody could honestly oppose something like that. They are providing a loving home for kids without increasing our population. If only more people were like that.

Only the most hardened bigot could oppose something like that.

Answer 18

Look at all the famous people that have adopted black children. If they can offer the boys a better life than what they have currently got, then good on your friends for doing it.

Answer 19

Some people will accept it and some wont. Some people will make a sitcom about it. Whatchutalkenabout Willis?

It thats what they want to do, who cares what people think?

Answer 20

I see this type of thing in my community, and it doesn&#039;t bother me.  I think it&#039;s nice that they care enough to do that.

Answer 21

I wouldn&#039;t worry to much about what people will think.  As long as they are a loving, supportive couple, they and the children should be able to deal with it.  

I think the real question is how much they have thought this through.  Please don&#039;t get me wrong.  I think it is wonderful.  As a foster parent, I know that there are many older children that need homes.  It just sounds like they came upon this decision quickly.  I hope they are making this decision after a lot of thought.  IF they have, I really hope they do it!  My foster daughters are a different race from my husband and I and we haven&#039;t really had any problems and we live in a small area where many people have closed minds!  I haven&#039;t experienced anything but support, which I didn&#039;t expect.  So, the race of the children may be much less of an issue than you believe it would be.

Answer 22

there is never something socially wrong.

If these people want to adopt two black children then that is more than ok. they have to choose

Answer 23

I think personally that there is nothing wrong with it at all. But, not everyone thinks that way. It is inevitable these days some one will make it known how they feel and it will be negative. All they can do is teach the children that it truly is not odd and that its extra special they were chosen to be their children. Its up to the parents to make this &quot;normal&quot;