Will this ever get easy for me to live with ?

Question

I am in the process of a rather ugly divorce, papers have already been filled and I have a parenting plan. Its fair for the most part, I will take up the issues that I have in court. The thing is I get my beloved 2 year old son every other weekend. I have him right now, we are so close and I know he misses me as much as I miss him as he is very clingy to me and gives me lots of love. This is my 3rd weekend visit since the parenting plan has been drafted. I find myself having a rough time every Sunday before he goes home. It just tears me up inside to say good bye to him. Sometimes he cries and then I cant help but to cry too. I feel like I kinda waste my final hours of my visit being depressed and feeling anxiety. Will this every get better for me ? What can I do to overcome my depression that follows every time he goes home ?

Thanks for your help...

Answer 1

that is so sad  maybe you can ask your ex wife if you can call him threwout the week  

Answer 2

This is just one of the reasons divorces are so difficult. Anticipating your weekends with your son coming to a close until next time is very depressing, but try to make the most of the time you have.  Arrange to see your child during the week for an outing just to give the two of you something else to look forward to.

It's an adjustment for sure, and perhaps you and your soon to be ex could work out a joint custody agreement, so each one of you can spend a like amount of time with your son.  It's especially easy to do if while he is so young and you do not have to deal with the issues that will arise once he begins school.

Answer 3

Almost every major change in life causes some amount of anxiety.  Yes it will get better.  Keep in mind that your son is probably crying for several reasons.  Yes he misses you & doesn't want to leave but he's also having his own anxieties over living a new life that he's not used to & he's the one being pulled from place to place.  He doesn't feel stable I'm sure.

I had a friend that went through this with her daughter.  The child cried every time she had to leave her mom & acted like she didn't want to go with her dad, but then she cried every time she had to leave her dad & acted like she didn't want to go with her mom.  Imagine if you had to move apartments every week.  It's impossible to feel stable like that.

The best thing you can do is not let your son see how you are feeling.  It will only validate the fact that he should be sad & depressed too.  You have to just buck up & act like it's no big deal because you'll see each other again.  If you continue to show him your tears & frustration this situation will seem even more magnified to him.  Believe it or not even very young children can start blaming themselves for a parent's unhappiness.

Answer 4

You knew that this was the way it was going to be once you divorced. You knew that you were only going to get him every other weekend. Being a full time parent is very difficult. That's why it takes two to raise a child. I'm sure that one day your wife will re-marry and then not only will you have to give him back but you will be giving him back to another father. It is very difficult. That is why two people should try to make a marriage work and that would be with lots of marriage counseling. Counseling does work if a couple would only give it a chance. Don't try and take the boy from his mother either. That will make his life a living h**l. I'm not picking on you, what I am telling you is what happened to me. I was married to a man for 12 years. He didn't know how to be emotionally intimate. I finally got him to go to marriage counseling but only 3 sessions. When the counselor started pointing out some things that he needed to work on, my husband refused to go any more. To this day, I think if we had continued counseling we would have made the marriage work. Two years after we divorced, I met a wonderful man and the next year we married. That's when my husband couldn't stand the thought of another man being a Father to his son. My ex and I had a son and a daughter. They were 11 months apart. He took the kids for 2 weeks in the summer. That first summer he spent two weeks talking our son into coming to live with him. Our son was 14 when he did this. My ex promised him the world if he would come and live with him. So my son did and his Dad was overwhelmed with the amount of time it took to raise a child. My son found out that his Dad really didn't know how to be a Dad.But, our son had so much time to himself,, he could do what ever he wanted. My ex would have business in Hong Kong and leave our 14 year old home alone for 10 days. He would leave him cash to buy food and stuff but that's all. He actually thought our son would get up every morning on his own and go to school and be good. Well, our son got into drugs and it took him 10 years to finally get clean and sober. My son is 39 now and he still attends an AA meeting every night of his life. So just think about what you are doing and how you do it.

Answer 5

i'm so sorry....

Answer 6

Sorry Mag, see if you can get every weekend added to your plan..instead of every other. Call him through out the week..stay in touch with what he's up to regularly. If you have a computer, and his mother has a computer with a webcam...try to stay in touch like that whenever possible.

I don't know how his mother is, but she might either go along with the webcam or get annoyed whenever you want to talk to him through it...but you would know better.

I suggest using Skype as an option to do a webcam chat..it has good reception and a clear picture.

That's the most I can think of, other than that..stay strong, do your best with your son..and your son will take notice that you love him and tried your best when he grows up...and just know that he'll be alright, and the fact that you try to stay in his life will grow up just fine.

I don't have a son so I can't imagine how bad it must feel..I'm sure it's a really bad feeling, but you have to try to do what's going to help him the most..and all this will pay off.

Good luck friend...life has many obstacles...stay strong, keep your head up...

Answer 7

It will get better  when you end up carrying on with life.

May be stay off the computer when he's there, so you have every minute together?  That   may help to feel your getting all the quality time.

Or also, why not fight for more time??

Answer 8

I suggest a change in the parenting plan. You're not seeing him enough if you only have him every other weekend. Having said that, it does get better with time but watching your infant child walk away for two weeks at a time is never easy. Good luck in court.

Answer 9

sorry to hear that but i think over time you will get use too it, just think about it like this, he will be back in 5 days to stay again so dont get down about it just try to adjust to it and hopefully it works out for you and him