Will u please read my story and tell me what u think? Plz dont steal! it's mine and i worked very hard on it!!?

Question

-You’re safe now.” He tried to calm her. He knew she had a nightmare disorder and had nightmares practically every other night about getting struck by lightning.

It took a few minutes for Maika to calm down. Chase wiped her tears and pulled something out from his pocket.

“Maika,” He drew her attention. “This used to be my mum’s. When I found it, it was empty. So, I put something in it.” He said as he clasped a silver, diamond, and sapphire necklace around the girl’s neck.

“Open it.” He said with a smile. Maika opened the locket. A picture of her living her most desired dream sat perfectly inside the charm. It was a picture of Maika dancing on the water.

Her eyes sparkled with tears again as she closed the locket. “Thank you, Chase.” She whispered with a small smile.

“I’ve got something else for you, too.” He said. He took her hands and they stood up. Chase kneeled down and took a small, velvet box out of his pocket.

“Maika Lily Tealson; I love you and I want to spend th

Answer 1

Not terrible but it definately needs some work. Some of the grammar is wrong and some sentences make no sense, like "You should know I mean I love you when I tell you I won’t let you fight Mark!”  Also the character names need to be less exotic and pronouncable. I hate when I don't know how to pronounce the name, it messes with the flow of the story. But you've got potential, keep working at it.

Answer 2

very good, how old are you?

you have a great imagination, and  i love the names in the story. maika and xylei are very pretty names.

but some constructive criticism,

i suggest changing the title

"the girl who lived" sounds too..cliche and sort of downplays your whole story.

and i think too much happens at once, so you might want to slow down the events.

its a great start, keep it up!

Answer 3

beautiful

Answer 4

WOW ummm... well it's long and is very good.

Answer 5

it like crazy to read!

Answer 6

yeah it's good but some times you switched tenses ( past present)

and the point of view ( 1st perso 3rd person)