Will you critique my poems?

Question

This one's called "You Are There"

you are there

when all I am is a lie

when I'm at the end

of a very short rope

but you are there

to help me cope

Always thinking

about what I might not be

but you are there

to tell me that I am me

I have problems

I say everyday

but you are there

to make blue skies out of gray

when others make fun

of this moody girl

but you are there

saying I'm a pearl

well a pearl I'm not

and the good life's not there

but you are there

and I want to give up

invisible to all

because to other kind

you are there

only in my mind

Answer 1

Nice I like them both, with regards to the first poem, "what a way to appreciate a loved one" and with regards to the second one "what a way to kick a person when their down" I personally hate self pity.

Answer 2

Good picturistic poem indeed.

Did you try to point out yourself of you have a wide area of thinking?

I use to think about a small girl who cannot walk normally made up first to school one day, lost her friends just for that reason. The days of that sweet girl after her friends stopped caring her, to listen her, to play with gang but always to make her cry with the smile of a lost soul..

I love kids a lottt.. :-)

Answer 3

this first one is great

I love it

I like the second one too

keep writing