Will you feel ok . if your in laws take your kids on an outing w/o your consent?

Question

to begin with ..

I had a fight with my spouse.. i called my babysitter(maid) and went off to sleep in afternoon as i was in a very foul mood.

i woke up just to find that my kids and my maid are gone.

i live upstairs and mil/sil downstairs.

i learn t my sil quietly came ..got my kids dressed(3 y/o) and took them on an outing ....

i was so upset that ... i cannot express .

i of course yelled at my maid that she should told me ..woken me up..but maid says that my sister in law said.."" its not to be told"

PS...>i think i wrote a lot about my sis in laws birthday and how im making/made it special despite that no one did anything on mine.

i don't say that as i wanted something..but it was FYI.

i think im the mum..they should ASK me .. nope?

im not sure how to tell them about my displeasure as they'll use the family card ...( that my sons are their sons too blah blah) hope u understand

im asleep not dead. they donno about my mood.

i think if i took their child similarly they will just make a fuss.

my kids were playing with clay..i gave them and made my maid sit there , as i wanted to rest..i was crying and dozed off .

3 minutes ago

i'd blow a fuse at my mom dad too .

its not good .

and well.. all this as i made her day good by baking an extra cake etc etc .

ppl get mad when others try to be good on birthdays!

im tired of it.

Answer 1

I can understand you being upset upon waking up and finding your kids gone and you have every right to be. They should have asked you first. So sleep was intruppeted for a few minutes but it's better knowing you know where your kids are at while your sleeping than to wake up finding they were gone. The maid shold have woken you or at least the SIL. the other stuff is trivial. What matters is your child and knowing where they are at all times. I would make sure they know to WAKE you no matter what if they want to take your child out for a while.

Answer 2

It's sad that you wouldn't consider that a nice gesture that your kids couldn't go with grandma who just lives downstairs.  It sounds more like they were giving you a much needed break.

And it got your kids out of the house.  

Just wondering why it is OK for the kids to be with your maid but not their own grandma.

Yes they should of woke you for a second to tell you or left a note that you would of seen first thing.

Just don't use your children as pawns to hurt the grandma.  Sorry I just find it sad when there is a wedge put between grandchildren and grandparents.      

Answer 3

Yes

Answer 4

sounds like a lot of anger inside of you girl.  Chill out.  Your SIL probably thought she was doing you a favor by getting the kids out of the house so you could rest.  Personally, I think it was a sweet and considerate thing to do.  Especially, if you have your maid sitting with them.  Your SIL taking the kids also freed up your maid so she could do what she is hired to do.  

Just remember, do nice things for people becasue you want to, not because you expect something in return

Answer 5

I'd probably be upset too. They should have left a note or something at the very least.

I can bet they didn't do this for the sole purpose of making you angry though.  Really, think about it....  They just didn't think is what happened.

Apologize for hollering and then explain how scared you were to find them missing when you woke up.  And then frankly tell them that it made you angry when you found out from the maid that they asked to to "not tell you" - that knowing that made you feel like they intentionally wanted to hurt or frighten you and you can't imagine why someone would want to do that by using your children as the object.  Then just tell them (not ask, tell), that if they ever want to do anything concerning the children that the maid or themselves MUST come and ASK/INFORM you BEFOREHAND.  You need to set up clearer boundries (as you said they throw in the "they're our children too"). Remind them that you are their mother and that you all are lucky to have them around, you just simply need to know their whereabouts at all times and approve of it.

P.S. You really need to have a word with your maid about this too.  This is unacceptable; she KNOWS that she should have awoken you.

Answer 6

the children are yours, not theirs and being family does not change that.  You have to confront her and tell her that from this point on, if the children are not to be taken from you without your consent.  You must also tell the maid person that you are the one who pays her, and she is not to go or take the children without your consent, or she will be terminated, and she should have known it was wrong when the in-law said ..... she is not to be told.....  Again they are your children.....not hers, and if she tries to bypass you in the future, you and your husband must be together on this that he is to call you if she calls him wanting to take the children.

Answer 7

its out of order, but also depends on how well you get on with them in the first place and if you trust them with your child, its not really your maids fault maybe you shouldn't have gone to sleep but looked after your child yourself, there's no smoke without fire

Answer 8

You're overly dramatic. Get a life

Answer 9

Wow!  I've not got kids but if I had I'd have been so angry with your in-laws I think you would have heard my shouts...and I'm in the UK!

You seem to constantly be having problems with your in-laws, it really is time that you get the message across to your husband your displeasure at the way they are towards you.  He then *has* to speak to them about this as I get the impression you could speak to them til you turn purple and they would take not a blind bit of notice.

Yes, I understand the point about the children being the children of their son but I'm sure Mothers everywhere would want to know where their children are and I'm sure that if they'd have asked you direct about taking the kids out, you would have accepted?  Doing what they did was underhand, sneaky and downright nasty.

In the meantime, is it not possible for you to change the locks so your in-laws can't get access and instil it in your maid that she MUST wake you in any such circumstances?

Answer 10

I would not accept this