Will you help me correct this/make it sound better? Thank you!!?

Question

I am proposing the instillation of a beverage vending machine from Vending Solutions. The machine will bring in a commission for the company, while also increasing employee morale and productivity.

A vending machine will make the work place more inviting to current and potential employees. Staff will be able to get a cool drink, without having to travel two floors down to the break room. This will also eliminate the need to travel to the convenience store for soda or bottled water. In addition, employees will have popular, energy drinks conveniently available to them when they need a quick energy boost. The employees will feel more valued by the company because their needs have been recognized. This will lead to increased employee productivity.

There is no cost to purchase or install the equipment. Vending Solutions will set up, restock, and repair the machine at no cost to the company. Best of all, this will improve the company's revenue by bringing in commissions from sales.

Answer 1

Proposal for the........

Paragraph #1, eliminate the second sentence. You are saying the same thing later in the letter.

Paragraph #2 is excellent, last sentence; increased employee productivity and morale.

Paragraph# 3 Eliminate first sentence.

Last sentence; stop at Revenue. eliminate the rest of the sentence.

Check everything for redundancy....you repeat yourself a lot.

Answer 2

i like it. one last spell check and you're good to go!